Visiting Graves

CH27

Do you visit the graves of your loved ones? If so how often & why?

I don't visit my mum's as I believe she isn't there. Do not stand at my grave & weep etc...
People try to guilt trip me for not going & I think that is unfair as I don't force my views on them.

Bennifred

I agree with you CH27. I also get my siblings wanting to put my name to memorial notices in the paper every year.........:(

CH27

Bennifred wrote: »

I agree with you CH27. I also get my siblings wanting to put my name to memorial notices in the paper every year.........:(

Why won't they realise that their view isn't the only one?

balletshoes

i go to my Dad's grave occasionally, but not on "anniversaries" etc. I don't go to grieve, I go to help blow the cobwebs away - its a remote, peaceful place.

Melonade

Yes, I visit Xmas eve, birthday and Mother's Day.

I got a bit weepy for the first time today. I think it was because I don't know what to do when I get there. Don't want to say anything then just lay flowers and leave. It feels wrong to make the journey then have nothing to say.

I like going but wouldn't expect anyone who didn't want to go to be there with me.

meritaten

I don't get the 'memorials' in the paper either - even if you believe in the afterlife, I doubt if they going to be sitting there reading the local paper.

arbrighton

I've been to my grandmother's grave once since the funeral five years ago, and went with my sister. I'll be there again this week while we bury my grandfather but it's the memories of things while they were alive and things that were important to them that matter to me

Person_one

meritaten wrote: »

I don't get the 'memorials' in the paper either - even if you believe in the afterlife, I doubt if they going to be sitting there reading the local paper.

Everything done after a person dies is for the benefit of the bereaved, not the deceased. If some people get comfort from a public memorial that's fine, if others don't they shouldn't be pressured.

I visited my dear friend's grave twice a year for the first five years on her birthday and the anniversary of her death. I haven't been since the 5th anniversary. I know I'll go back at some point, but it won't be the ritual it was.

If it were possible, I'd want a temporary grave when I die, to stay in situ for 5-10 years. A place to visit can be a huge comfort at first when the loss is raw but then people often start to feel either guilty or obliged once they're coping better and moving on.

koan_2

If I lived closer by I would visit some of my relatives graves. I don't like the thought of the graves being unkept and untidy, and especially as my grandparents were keen gardeners and loved flowers themselves. I'm not saying people should stand there and weep, but I think it's a shame no-one bothers to go

My mum says similar to you, OP, they're gone now, what's the point in going to see their grave. But I would hate to think that when I die no-one is going to bother to even visit my grave.

Seanymph

No one in my family is buried - so I have nowhere to visit.

I used to have a shop - and I had a customer, a blind elderly gentleman who went to the graveyard all morning, went home for lunch and to do it's bits, then spent the afternoon sitting there.

One day it was snowing, and bitter - the churchyard is hilltop, coastal, and I was trying to persuade him that he'd be better to stay indoors for the afternoon. He wouldn't have a bar of it, he took a lot of comfort from sitting with her.

I guess we all deal in different ways.

CH27

Seanymph wrote: »

No one in my family is buried - so I have nowhere to visit.

I used to have a shop - and I had a customer, a blind elderly gentleman who went to the graveyard all morning, went home for lunch and to do it's bits, then spent the afternoon sitting there.

One day it was snowing, and bitter - the churchyard is hilltop, coastal, and I was trying to persuade him that he'd be better to stay indoors for the afternoon. He wouldn't have a bar of it, he took a lot of comfort from sitting with her.

I guess we all deal in different ways.

Exactly