One pot or separate accounts?

Anatidaephobia

We have separate accounts (though we do have a joint saving account). I pay the mortgage out my account, he pays all the bills out his account (they come to roughly the same amount as the mortgage) and they're all direct debit so it's no hassle. He pays for most of the food shopping and going out costs because he earns more. We both contribute to savings.

We both know each other's passwords to our online banking (and regularly log into each other's accounts) so there clearly isn't a lack of trust, as some people have suggested. We treat all of our money as "ours" regardless of which account it's in. There are no secrets when it comes to money. Neither of us are big spenders and tend to do our shopping together so we would rarely make a big purchase solo.

As it happens, we would be equally as vulnerable to the other clearing us out since we both have access to all accounts. In theory, he could quite easily go into our joint savings account, my savings account, AND my current account, transfer everything to his own current account and then change the passwords on it. Likewise, I could do that to him. I have complete confidence that neither of us would do such a thing (although I recognise that others have felt that way and it has happened to them!).

While people with joint bank accounts tend to say they don't understand why a couple WOULDN'T have a joint bank account, I have to wonder at what point in your relationship do you make the change from separate accounts to joint? I would imagine that it used to be when you got married but these days the etiquette can be different. Couples often live together longer before they get married, some don't get married for a very long time by which point you're used to your separate accounts, and some people never get married at all. I'm sure there was a time when it was more expected that you would get a joint account and some people wouldn't even consider NOT doing that, but things are changing and I would imagine that the joint account is less common than it used to be. That is neither a good nor bad thing as long as each individual couple are doing what works best for them.

claire16c

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Can't really understand why people have one pot unless they are well off financially - yes you are a couple but you have separate needs, one wants their hair doing one wants new trainers etc...if you have one pot then you either have to ask the other one for permission to take money out - or you have enough money not to worry about it.

To me - it over complicates things, because of being able to spilt spare money and have done with it I felt if you had one pot again - you'd have to discuss what you did with any left over as well.

I don't think it's worth explaining how me and my OH sort our money out as it's to complicated for him !

ETA: I also think it would cause more resentment depending on the one pot set up - i.e taking it out when you want / need it instead of splitting it evenly might make the other notice your spending more.

If one wants their hair doing and another wants trainers then it all evens out in the end so why would that matter?

Surely in a committed relationship you don't keep a count of stuff like that anyway it's not about points scoring?

And no you don't need to ask permission either!

Perhaps if you were buying something big like a car but then surely that would be the same whatever type of accounts you had - you'd be discussing what financial decisions to make together. Which is different to asking permission.

Same as discussing what you did with money left over. Surely you'd do that with separate accounts too? Don't you have joint aspirations/goals for your money?! Like let's put our spare cash towards a holiday/house etc

We don't have any resentment because our money is shared as a family. If my hubby needs new trainers then I'm happy to see him buy them so he has comfortable foot wear. If I need my hair doing he's happy to see I'm happy.

It would signal to me that someone has relationship issues if they are comparing who got what each month!

lostinrates

Netwizard wrote: »

IF I was in a relationship, this is how I would do it as well. Keep our accounts separate but have one joint one where we both contribute a set amount, for the reason above and also, I wouldn't like to ask my girlfriend for permission to spend money!

I don't feel I am asking permission to spend as such. I feel I am checking that an expenditure I would like to make is not going to impede one he would like to make. I and he each have a certain amount to spend anyway, and we could budget more but choose not to, partly because of other lifestyle decisions we feel our relatively low personal budget without discussion works well for our personal circumstance. talking about bigger spends stops there ever being a situation where we have overspent and also keeps both of us involved in things, something worth making active plans to maintain in a marriage where we only see each other at weekends.

lostinrates

claire16c wrote: »

We don't have any resentment because our money is shared as a family. If my hubby needs new trainers then I'm happy to see him buy them so he has comfortable foot wear. If I need my hair doing he's happy to see I'm happy.

It would signal to me that someone has relationship issues if they are comparing who got what each month!

Some times its not who got what though Claire, its where long term goals differ. For example, where family profit 'equally' from spending, just the people do not because the priorities of the people are different. (E.g., savings plans, home improvements, holidays ).

It all boils down to that same old boring thing of communication and it being right for the couple concerned.

Anatidaephobia, I wouldn't personally get joint account before marriage. (In our relationship we have quite a few separate accounts and a joint account. I mainly use my maiden name account I have had for years because its like a comfortable old shoe and I can remember my PIN number for it:o)

FBaby

It all comes down to individual need of independence. Both my husband and I are very independent people who had to be solely responsible for ourselves for years. However much we are committed to each other and have nothing to hide from one another, both would hate not having some level of financial independence, where we can make decisions on our own without having to pass by the other to get the go ahead.

I want to be able to surprise him with a present without him noticing it before I give it to him and knowing how much it costs. I want to be able to go on holidays with my kids without having to justify that it is reasonable to spend the amount I am. All we owe to each other is to save towards common goals and to never ever to into debts. The rest is for us to manage.

mummyroysof3

We have always had one account for everything. We do have our own accounts but they don't really get used.

74jax

Hubby and I get paid into our own accounts. We have a joint account for bills which hubby covers 2/3rds of and I cover just 1/3rd (he earns WAY more than me) and we each spend our own money from our own accounts after that. No joint savings.

74jax

Woolwich_Kim wrote: »

Would anyone here be happy or feel secure if your joint home was in your partner's name only?

Its in one name one with us too and we're both ok with that.

74jax

FBaby wrote: »

It all comes down to individual need of independence. Both my husband and I are very independent people who had to be solely responsible for ourselves for years. However much we are committed to each other and have nothing to hide from one another, both would hate not having some level of financial independence, where we can make decisions on our own without having to pass by the other to get the go ahead.

I want to be able to surprise him with a present without him noticing it before I give it to him and knowing how much it costs. I want to be able to go on holidays with my kids without having to justify that it is reasonable to spend the amount I am. All we owe to each other is to save towards common goals and to never ever to into debts. The rest is for us to manage.

Thats made me think of a similar thread on here a while back where you and I were very very similar :T

I'm totally with FBaby on this one.

cats2012

One pot for us since we bought our house 3 years ao. What's mine is his and vice versa. We were basically just paying our bills, having spending money and then saving for the same things (holiday, kids etc). So no need to keep it separate.

We do keep individual credit cards though, paid off in full each month, which we don't quiz each other on as long as it's within the usual amount. Also means we can buy pressies etc in secret.