Who is the Breadwinner?

duchy

No responding to the poll as it is flawed.

I'm a little gobsmacked to be honest as I don't know any men who it would matter to (and it's not generational as I'm in my fifties). My ex-husband earned less than me when we got married but within a couple of years changed career and his earnings rocketed (and I was the one who got him to believe the job offer made to him was serious and not a joke). I couldn't be with a man who was embarassed or resented me earning more than him as it would mean we had entirely different views on what mattered in a marriage.

Spirit_2

For the first 19 years it was my husband by quite a margin, then for the next 12 years it was me as he consciously chose a new sector and 'down shifted' whilst I pursued promotion and my earnings grew. I however have now gone to working 3 days a week and as his down shift career also took off, since February he earns more.

It does not matter who earns most, between us we have kept the family finances afloat and both of us have made the decisions and chosen to earn less than we could , so that we can have a better life together now.

Tiglath

When we got together 15 years ago, DH earned more; now I'm on a lot more than him, and my earning potential is higher. Doesn't matter though - it's all 'ours' and has always been treated as joint. I organise the finances (savings etc) as he has no interest in it. It's never been an issue.

daisiegg

My husband earns way more than I do (more than ten times as much, at least). I do contribute to the household expenses, in a small way (the monthly mortgage payment alone is over double what I take home a month).

I am perfectly happy with the way things are at the moment - he may pay for things but I do pretty much everything else to keep our household ticking over. We are still an equal partnership despite the disparity in our earnings.

I am a bit nervous though about the immediate future...I am pregnant and will give up work to raise our family. Chances are I won't go back for maybe 7 years or something, depending on how soon we have number two...the plan is not to go back until both are at school full time. The idea of not having my 'own' money that I have earned does freak me out a bit. It can't be a unique worry and must occur to most stay at home parents at first? I dare say I will get used to it but at the moment it is hard to get my head around it.

seven-day-weekend

We have been married over forty years and are now retired.

Usually my husband was the main breadwinner, but on occasions it has been me. He has more income then me in retirement also - larger State Pension and also larger Occupational Pension. I had no income of my own at all from September 2004 until January 2010.

However, any income that comes in is 'ours' from whatever source it comes. It all goes into a joint Bank Account and then some diverted out again for personal spending and savings.

pollypenny

Judi wrote: »

I was being doing a survey the other day where I was being paid for taking part. I had to go through a load of questions and answers about myself, my family, my health etc. The one question made me smile and I'm glad my husband wasn't there to hear it being asked and answered.


'Who is the head of the household?' I was asked.
'My husband' I answered.
'The house you live in. Is it rented, mortgaged or owned outright?'
'Its mine, I own it outright' I answered.
'Technically' the interviewer said. 'That makes you the head of the household'.
'Try tell him that' I answered.


I still think my husband is the head of the household though because his money pays the bills and feeds us.

"Head of the Household" is a really outdated concept. If asked, we will each 'claim' that dubious title. In reality we are a team.

seven-day-weekend

pollypenny wrote: »

"Head of the Household" is a really outdated concept. If asked, we will each 'claim' that dubious title. In reality we are a team.

Absolutely. In the unlikely event of us ever failing to reach an agreement on something (probably only happened once or twice in our marriage), then we will go with the one to whom the issue matters most.

anotheruser

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Sorry, you are a complete fail on the "liberal and modern" angle.

No, I just haven't had any experience of the woman in my partnership earning more than me. If you read more, you will see that it will happen. I excel in being liberal and modern in other areas, yet in some, a more traditional approach is better.

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

This is a flawed poll - full stop.

There are other options that you have chosen to ignore.

If you really wanted an accurate picture then you would have offered all the possibilities... you obviously have a chip on your shoulder and have something to prove.

Please, tell us all what "other options" and what I have to prove?

Again, I guess you didn't read the follow up post I made on why I chose those word options. I'm interested in a male/female relationship, which is why I didn't include options for gay couples. I didn't want to write male/female or /girlfriend/boyfriend either as those simply didn't sound right.

Someone got out of bed on the wrong side this morning...

redpete wrote: »

So you deliberately want a skewed result? How odd.

How is it deliberately skewed? See answer to quote above on what I wanted out of the poll, which I believe the poll options would give me that.



Just because I would find it a little strange for the wife to be earning more than the husband, doesn't mean I chain her to the sink, force her to wash up and cook and clean - like some people are suggesting... Gosh!

Georgiegirl256

anotheruser wrote: »

Again, I guess you didn't read the follow up post I made on why I chose those word options. I'm interested in a male/female relationship, which is why I didn't include options for gay couples. I didn't want to write male/female or /girlfriend/boyfriend either as those simply didn't sound right.

Why didn't they sound right? Why wouldn't you be interested in the opinions of those who are in long term relationships, have lived together for years, but not married?

tea_lover

anotheruser wrote: »

How is it deliberately skewed? See answer to quote above on what I wanted out of the poll, which I believe the poll options would give me that.

Exactly. You've only given the options that allow you to get what you wanted out of the poll. It's pointless.