Frugal Frump to Fab - The Journey Continues

alec_eiffel

Floss wrote: »

Ooh thats nice - wouldn't suit my J-Lo bum though! I'm a shift / hourglass dress girl

I would second the hand cream, and also a nailbrush and some body scrub for when you have been gardening, followed by washing your hair in the shower Always works for me after a day on the allotment, even with gloves I get soil behind my nails! Thats why I always choose solid mid-to-dark colours for my shellac polish on my nails, which doesn't chip off BTW.

Thanks for the nail help!

I have a big bum too, I'm an hourglass shape but this dress is very flattering, it doesn't just hang off my chest like lots of dresses do so I still look the right shape rather than a cube. I'm having a lot of trouble with these tops and dresses that are just kind of square or wide at the bottom. I just buy when I can.

maman

alec_eiffel wrote: »

I'm having a lot of trouble .....I just buy when I can.

That's a wise statement that we could all subscribe too!


My current mission is to replenish my 'sunshine holiday' wardrobe plus a few tops with a small sleeve for everyday wear. I think the problem is partly because I used to have a week in the sun but now have the time for two;) and that lots of my stuff just got old or too big. We had so many years of awful summers here that the clothes only ever came out on holiday. Plus I have a few issues: some of the fabrics that are OK here are too hot and sticky for wall to wall sunshine Like why would I want a kaftan in some scratchy synthetic fabric or sundress made of thick stretchy nylon? Another is that I'm happy to wear a short skirt when my legs are really brown but wouldn't dream of going to Sainsbury's in one!:rotfl:


Yesterday I tried on a nice top but thought it was spoiled by having a meaningless little 'breast' pocket. I tried a maxi dress that was too long. Too long, and I'm 5ft 9 so goodness knows who that was made for! I didn't love it enough to shorten it. And a beach cover-up (sort of long t shirt) that looked good on the hanger until I saw how dark and draining the purple colour looked, so not a sunshine colour.:(


Perhaps I'm too fussy.:o

alec_eiffel

I know what you mean, I am fussy too.

Too long when you're 5ft 9 is ever so slightly bonkers!

I am really quick to say no to something and have been really guilty of having too clear an idea of what I think I want. I'm starting to find a few brands that generally have stuff to suit me so I head straight for them and hope for the best. Luckily my husband is really good at just seeing something I'd walk straight past and points out stuff that might suit me, that really helps.

I never tan, so always covered my legs until it was super hot last year and I just had to wear my summer stuff as they are. No-one cared, or at least no-one commented within earshot about my not very nice legs and summery look, so I just went with it. I do live at the coast though so maybe that makes it easier.

pirateyqueen

I think it's good to be fussy. At least that way you don't end up with clothes that you don't feel great in! It is annoying though when you spend hours trying to find that one perfect item, and it doesn't seem to exist!

lessonlearned

Ooooh lots of nice girlie chat about clothes, draws up a chair and a cup of tea. Lemon drizzle cake anyone.:D

And……. how nice that so many of us are getting compliments. We must be doing something right.;) I've been told several times this week that I look trim - must be all that pilates.

I do agree about M&S - they have rather lost their way with clothes haven't they. When I was in my 20's I wore so many M&S clothes that my friends used to ask if I had shares in the company. I'm really not surprised that they are struggling.

When I was climbing the corporate ladder back in the 80's I used to buy a lot of my business suits from Next but I think their womenswear is very disappointing these days.

I think in both cases it's down to outsourcing and using cheaper fabrics - obviously to keep costs down but I think they've tried to go too cheap.

I know this sounds strange but I often think that if I were a man I would find it so much easier to dress well. Menswear always seems so much better made than women's clothing.

I was discussing this with DS2 the other day - he's a bit of a fashionista on the quiet and can be quite a snazzy dresser when he's in the mood.

We both think that for everyday stuff and for reasonable suits then both Next and Burtons are pretty good. And for "save up for the sales I want something really special" then Ted Baker, Paul Smith, and Aquascutum.

I used to buy the likes of Jaegar, Alexon and Windsmoor in the sales or the wonderful factory shops we used to have here.

These premium brands all used to be manufactured in the UK and of course Derbyshire/Notts/Yorkshire/Lancs were the beating heart of the textile industry. Sadly all gone and with them the factory shops. You could get absolute bargains.

These were proper factory shops not the Factory Outlet Shopping Villages you get now. They are not the same. All we have now is David Nieper and John Smedly and even the factory shop prices are beyond my reach.

I have more or less given up on the High Street chains. I have found a nice little "one off" boutique type shop and I bought some plain grey trousers today. I don't know which wholesalers she uses, I did spot some M&S t-shirts in their today but a lot of her better stuff is Italian.

I do agree that if you see something you really like you have to snaffle it up when you see it even if you buy it out of season and it sits in your wardrobe for a while.

Well that's my excuse for the two fab-u-lous pairs of shoes I bought today.:o I was very naughty - I couldn't decide which pair I liked best and because they were both pretty and comfortable (so rare) I thought "Oh s*d it" and bought both pairs. (Call it an early birthday present:D).

I also picked up a smart black collarless edge to edge jacket £4 from a charity shop which I needed for a funeral tomorrow. I don't normally touch black so didn't have anything in my wardrobe. However, because the deceased is a 94 year old lady I thought I should go the traditional route as a mark of respect, rather than wearing colour.

I mentioned it to OH and he said I could wear it for his funeral. I told him "No chance, I shall wear burgundy red at your funeral". His face lit up because burgundy red is his favourite colour.

We had quite a chat about the kind of funeral he wants, disposing of his ashes etc. Sounds terribly morbid but in actual fact we had quite a giggle.

Sweetcheeks - sorry to hear about your OH's memory problems. They say a good diet with plenty of oily fish so 3,6,9 sounds good. I think you have to be a bit careful maintaining the correct balance of oils - it can be quite complicated so it might be worth reading up a bit. I seem to recall something about not having too much Omega 3 and making sure you get enough Omega 6 (could be the other way round:o)

Right time to get the dinner on, then back over to see OH. He wants me to watch a Harry Potter film with him so I'd better get a wiggle on.

Floss

LL my DH wears suit shirt & tie 9/10 working days, and would agree with your comment about Next, but about their menswear tailoring, he's found his last 2 suits in M&S, along with a great range of shirts (that they've now changed :mad:). He's also a Ted Baker shirt man with about 5 or 6 for weekends, and has a 7 year-old Ralph Lauren shirt that washes & irons like new, plus 3 lovely linen shirts from John Lewis that wash & iron up to be smart (for about 15 minutes!).

Love your comment about the shoes!

sweetcheeks33

LL I think your right it is not too much 3 and more 6 to get balance. I will read up on it more. Altho to be honest sometimes I think he needs more listening ears and he would be much better off :-)

Everhopeful09

Hello, i'm sneaking back in after a very long departure. I'm in desperate need of some advice, common sense and a kick up the posterior!

I've been with OH for 6/7 months and all going great. The trouble is me i don't think i'm good enough, pretty enough etc, this has been going on since Christmas, my confidence and self esteem are at rock bottom and anxiety has crept back in with a major vengence.

I was ill back in February and this when it seemed to get worse, i was feeling rubbish and crying all the time but managed to hide it. I'm became fixated on my flaws and would google how to fix them! I pulled myself together & seemed to be ok until I started a new job role at beginning of April & stress added to everything. I'm fixated on my latest flaw now which is 2 neck creases ( i've had for a while but now decided too deep at 34 & need fillers or something - its making me depressed) know its irrational but i now hate my neck, am crying before and after work and struggling through, i'm wearing scarfs all the time and avoid mirrors if I can. ( i've got an auntie with cancer in her neck lymph nodes so feel really bad feeling like this)
Then this week my boss raised some issues which are unfounded and my confidence has eroded completely, i have spoken to HR & occ health re this.

Sorry for the long post, first time i have admitted all this i'm trying to hide it from people.

Will take on any advice/suggestions offered, i know i need to start liking myself again and only I (with help if needed) can take steps to fix it. Feel free to Pm if needed. Any skincare suggestions for neck welcome to.

Thanks for reading. Eh xxx

Rummer

(((Everhopefull))) How lovely to see you back on the thread, you have been missed

It sounds as if you are having a tough time of it atm and it is best to take one step at a time. If you have been feeling down and tearful for a while a chat with your gp might be a good place to start.

However on the starting to feel fabulous side have you given thought to the parts of yourself that you are pleased with? When I catch sight of my stomach in the mirror I always feel crestfallen so I quickly turn my attention to my hair which is shiny (when styled).

All of us have parts that we are unhappy with and to be honest in most cases no one else would pick them out. For example I dislike my freckles (of which there are many) however OH has often stated they are one his favourite things about my appearance. What you should be doing is accentuating the positives! Pick the parts of you that you like and emphasise them - nice nails, get a manicure and so on...

Get into a wee fabbing routine that you add to gradually and if you are feeling anxious make sure part of that routine are things that make you feel good. That could be a pamper session, time with a good book, walking or just dancing round the living room!

I am so glad that you are comfortable enough to share how you are feeling here, sometimes just putting it down can be a huge relief. Please keep posting as we are here to cheer you on!

lessonlearned

Rummer wrote: »

All of us have parts that we are unhappy with and to be honest in most cases no one else would pick them out.

I am so glad that you are comfortable enough to share how you are feeling here, sometimes just putting it down can be a huge relief. Please keep posting as we are here to cheer you on!

Hi Everhopeful - glad to have you back.

I have highlighted Rummer's point here because it is so true and it may help you to see your way forward.

In a moment I am going to give you that kick up the posterior you asked for and I am going to share my story with you.

But first ………….

What you are describing about your neck is really just a symptom of a deeper malaise - a worry or a problem that you cannot identify (or perhaps you can but are not ready to face it yet). I think you are just using your neck as a focal point.

It does sound as though you could do with some help. Obviously come on here and vent as much as you need but I agree with Rummer I strongly suggest you see your GP. I am no expert but I think you might be depressed.

Don't bottle it all up, you sound as if you have a lot on your plate - sometimes you just need to share the burden. Constant crying is not normal, so please please get the help and support you need. Don't try and go it alone.

First the kick up the posterior.

Now if you think about this rationally you know deep down that in the grand scheme of things a couple of neck creases is nothing. We all have them or will get them - it's just one of the joys of getting older. Scarves help of course but even better than that you can minimise their appearance by simply "elongating" your neck by watching your posture. Head up and shoulders back, and feel that neck stretch. Imagine you are a puppet and you have a string coming out of the top of your head keeping your head up.

Google the "Alexander Technique" and learn more. You could also try some facial and neck exercise. You'll find them on You Tube. Use a good moisturiser and avoid excessive sun-bathing etc to fend off further skin damage.

Everhopeful I can guarantee you that no one will even have noticed your neck, no-one will have looked at it that closely and even if they have they are not going to be repulsed. It is only you who sees those tiny little creases.

How do I know this - well here's my story.

I was born with a strawberry shaped birthmark slap bang in the middle of my cheek. As I grew my birthmark grew with me. Some of our neighbours were rather cruel and I would often hear them talking about me, saying "What a pity about her face, such a Plain Jane".

When I was about 16 I told my GP I wanted it removed. He shook his head sadly and said I'm sorry it's too risky - it is unstable and if we mess with it it could spread. I was very disappointed because I had convinced myself that if only I had this mark removed then I would be pretty.

I burst into tears. He pulled down one of his text books and showed me pictures of birthmarks, port wine stains and deformities such as hare lips. He did this not to be cruel - he was a lovely man - but just to help me get things into proportion. It gave me a huge confidence boost and showed me that my birthmark was really nothing.

After that I managed to forget about my birthmark and funnily enough no-one ever commented on it ever again. Because I had ceased to fret over it, no longer tried to plaster make up over it, no longer kept pulling my hair over it etc it seemed that people no longer noticed it.

Occasionally it would look a bit angry and someone might say "Oh have you scratched your face". I would just smile and tell them "No actually it's a birthmark". They would be astonished and say "I never realised you had a birthmark". Sometimes they would be so surprised that they had never noticed it that they would then say something really daft like "How long have you had it":rotfl::rotfl:

Fast forward to when I was about 50 and I noticed that my birthmark was changing. It began to bleed, would heal up and then start bleeding again. It had become cancerous, a simple Basal Cell Carcinoma, sometimes called a Rodent Ulcer. (Not to be confused with the far more dangerous melanomas). I asked if I could have it removed by laser because I was concerned about scarring and was advised that it would be better if they cut it out, so that they could allow an extra margin around it to stop it coming back.

It healed well and the scar has faded beautifully - took about a year. No-one ever comments on it so again I don't think anyone notices. My face is now very slightly lop-sided with one side higher than the other - again no-one ever notices. I can see it in the mirror but no-one ever spots it.

I promise you that is the gospel truth. No-one ever paid the slightest bit of attention to my birthmark and not a single soul ever notices either my scar or my lop-sided face, even without make up.

I can virtually guarantee that no-one looks at you and notices a couple of creases on your neck.

Just keep fabbing, taking care of yourself, being happy and healthy and the rest will follow. Make a feature of your hair, and wear nice clothes, a bit of make up if you like make up, smell nice.

Treat yourself with love and kindness, build some fun into your life, sing, dance, laugh, love, enjoy.

And keep posting on here.

As for work - well just be as good as you possibly can at what you do - that's all that anyone can ask of you. If you can truthfully put your hand on your heart and say that you give your employers your very best then you can rest easy with a clear conscience.

Hold your head up high and look them straight in the eye. Watch that posture, walk tall and proud. Always look your best at work, dress, look and act like a professional. Exude confidence and stride into your office looking as if you mean business.

Fake it until you make it.;)