"i dont know why they pay you"

Southend1

Seriously, if you have to say anything at all to her just make it "x behaviour makes me feel y and is therefore unwelcome so please stop it". You may prefer to wait until there are colleagues or a manager around to witness what you say but don't leave it too long after an incident. Do not ask for any form of mediation, you will leave yourself open to the other party accusing you of being at fault. This may well reflect badly on you if you later need to make a grievance or go to tribunal. No discussion is required, all you want is to make it clear her behaviour is unwelcome.

BillJones

tir21 wrote: »

Buy why should anyone alter their behaviour if they know it will never be complained about

No reason. Why do you ask?

Do you believe that it's part of your job to enforce niceness by threat of sanctions? Do you genuinely not understand that dealing with slightly annoying co-workers is part of adult life?

You are acting as though you have a right to expect that everyone be nice to you. You don't have that right, or that expectation.

If you are being harassed, discriminated against, cheated, bulled etc, then yes, you have every right to have it dealt with officially. This does not seem to be the case here.

Are you only recently out of school? I ask as it genuinely seems like a very naive viewpoint that you have, that you want to go running to teacher as the other children were nasty to you. People have a right to be unpleasant. It'd be nicer if they were not, but until they cross a line of legality, or contravention of work rules, then you are unlikely to do yourself any favours by complaining.

tir21

BillJones wrote: »

No reason. Why do you ask?

Do you believe that it's part of your job to enforce niceness by threat of sanctions? Do you genuinely not understand that dealing with slightly annoying co-workers is part of adult life?

I suppose it's all of matter of how each person is prepated to be treated. As mentioned earlier Ive been employed for the majority of the last 20 years and no coworker has ever looked at me like im a piece of !!!! and told me they don't know why the company pays me.

I genuinely don't think people should think they can talk to coworkers differently to how they would talk to their boss. Would anyone look at their boss like they were a piece of !!!! and tell them they don't know why they are paid and not expect anything to come of it?

You are acting as though you have a right to expect that everyone be nice to you. You don't have that right, or that expectation.

I think there is a line. And looking at a coworker like they are a piece of !!!! and saying they don't know why they pay you is crossing that line

If you are being harassed, discriminated against, cheated, bulled etc, then yes, you have every right to have it dealt with officially. This does not seem to be the case here.

I think we just have different definitions of what is acceptable. I think most would feel aggrevieved to be treated by a coworker in the way I've been treated

Are you only recently out of school? I ask as it genuinely seems like a very naive viewpoint that you have, that you want to go running to teacher as the other children were nasty to you.

No like Ive been employed for many years. That's why I was so taken aback.

People have a right to be unpleasant.

No - people have a right in the workplace not to be treated unpleasantly

It'd be nicer if they were not, but until they cross a line of legality, or contravention of work rules, then you are unlikely to do yourself any favours by complaining.

I think you are too supine

Caroline_a

I can't believe that this is still going on. OP, I see what your co-worker meant! She doesn't like you, you don't like her, just be professional and grow up a bit as someone already said. You don't have to be best buddies to work with each other!!

tir21

Caroline_a wrote: »

I can't believe that this is still going on. OP, I see what your co-worker meant! She doesn't like you, you don't like her, just be professional and grow up a bit as someone already said. You don't have to be best buddies to work with each other!!

I don't think I've acted immaturely? In what way do you think I've acted immaturly

Have you considered how you would react if a coworker looked at you like you were a piece of !!!! and said they didn't know why they paid you?

Tenyearstogo

tir21 wrote: »

I don't think I've acted immaturely? In what way do you think I've acted immaturly

Have you considered how you would react if a coworker looked at you like you were a piece of !!!! and said they didn't know why they paid you?

I probably would have laughed to myself and walked off thinking what a sad life she had.

tir21

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

I probably would have laughed to myself and walked off thinking what a sad life she had.

Some people are more affected by hurtful comments

fed_up_and_stressed

amiehall

tir21 wrote: »

I don't think I've acted immaturely? In what way do you think I've acted immaturly

Have you considered how you would react if a coworker looked at you like you were a piece of !!!! and said they didn't know why they paid you?

So when you said you could say the same to her...? That wasn't immature?

I've had to work with people I didn't get along with before. Better to just ignore them and get on with your life. What do you gain by responding with rude remarks?

BillJones

tir21 wrote: »

I think you are too supine

And I think that you are too precious, but that's neither here nor there.

As it happens, I run a trading desk at an investment bank, and getting here has involved some very robust defences of my territory and reputation, but the idea of running to the boss if someone "looked at me funny" is just laughable.

You can invent "rights" for as long as you want, but that does not make them real. Why not grow a pair of balls (as the yanks would put it), if this matters, and go and do something about it? I find it funny that you accuse me of being too supine when you are here whining about such a trivial matter.

You asked for advice, I gave it, grow up and move on, or do something about it. If what you actually came here for is a whiny argument, I'll leave you to it.