Falling apart because of falling in love

Rottensocks

To be totally utterly blunt, a scar or some other mark or injury wouldn't matter to me in the slightest, but I would find the being dumped for no good reason, then texted with a devastating "secret" as bait to get me back out again, then turning up to find a drunken heap instead of a woman highly offputting!

I understand that any imperfection in this day and age can be a huge confidence knocker, but it is also worth understanding from the get go that one of the biggest turn offs men report is women who complain about their appearance, or need constant reassurance about it. Don't keep referring to yourself as a 'monster' or as having a skeleton in your closet etc etc... It is simply too dramatic (and I do mean this in a kind sense, not as a ticking off!).

You are what you are, and will be loved for who you are. As much as you can, tackle this like an adult and call him (I.e. in person, not via text). Tell him you acted like an !!! and you want to explain to him....his reaction will tell you whether he's worth bothering with.

And you know what, the others here are right - maybe some counselling or something will help you with your self image. You're going around portraying yourself to be some kind of monstrosity. And you're not.

puppypants

Think Katie Piper!! Look at what she has come through, and let her be your inspiration! Good luck OP. xx

egoode

I get how you are feeling however don't be as dumb as me. I had my first relationship last year at age 34 because I thought no one would ever want me and used to avoid letting any guys get close to me (and yes I had my 'v-card' as you called it until that relationship).

Even though my relationship hasn't worked out and we have now broken up after a year together I'm glad I at least opened myself up to it and I now realise I've wasted so many years and opportunities just because of how I thought other people looked at me when they really didn't see me in that way at all.

Please talk to him about how you are feeling I'm sure he won't care about the scars and if he does then he's really not the right person for you.

hazyjo

My ex had a hare-lip. So what. I loved him for him.

I don't like my fat wobbly bits. So what. I've got better bits (which I catch the BF gawping at every day lol)

I'm not going to insult some poor bloke by telling him he's so shallow that he's bound to go off me if he sees me naked. I'll quite happily strutt around like I'm Kate Moss (haha) in my BD suit.

If someone dumped me for my imperfections, quite frankly, they would have done me a favour.

Jx

FatVonD

Also, without wishing to dismiss your worries, your scars are probably not nearly as bad as you think they are and don't for one minute think that women that don't have scars don't also have body issues because many do (as do some men too!)

I often think it is the more traditionally attractive women that have the most issues too, whenever I've watched Jeremy Kyle and there's some bloke talking about his partner's insecurities more often than not it's a pretty young thing that comes walking out.

fairydiamond

Call/Text him right now! He sounds lovely.

Mojisola

Amanda Redman's scars are on her arm - much harder to hide -

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1309128/Amanda-Redman-marries-toyboy-Damian-Schnabel.html

You'd be surprised if you knew how many other people had scars hidden away under their clothes - you're really not alone.

Artytarty

I think I've read in an interview that she makes a point of never trying to cover up her scars. They are a part of her identity.

trollopscarletwoman

I had years of this.

Due to a spinal curvature and the taunts that come with it such as hunchback, quasimodo, and so on I didn't come out of my shell and risk a relationship for far too long. I just didn't think anyone would want me.

One day I woke up and said to myself-I'm worth more than this. Take a chance. The worst thing they can say is no.

One thing I had done was to get myself fit. Seemed to help with self esteem and confidence.

If they couldn't accept me then too bad. All went from there. 13 years now in this relationship.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My boyfriend is covered in scars, arms, legs, chest, neck, head. Some from psoriasis, some not. When he's somewhere with UV light, you can see them easily.

I don't care about those. I care about him.

His ex is tiny and cute and young and pretty. I'm none of those things. But he's with me, not her.

I hope you get the chance to apologise and explain to him.