Falling apart because of falling in love

Ozzuk

InMyBubble wrote: »

I haven't even thought about how he feels I've been so caught up with my own insecurities. He will hate me for being selfish.

He'll hate you for disappearing and not telling him the truth. He cared for you and he's lost you through no fault of his own.

So maybe write him a letter, or call him and tell him. If he means that much to you then give him the opportunity to show you that it doesn't matter.

And if it does it means he's not the one, which in itself will make it easier to move on.

Chin up, call him/write to him now!!! Hugs.

Gigervamp

When I first got together with my last ex and things started getting further than kissing and cuddling, he got very nervous. He'd had a colostomy bag since birth and was worried that it might put me off him.
It didn't bother me one bit. It was just a part of him that was a bit different to most other people.

You need to contact your guy and explain why you ended the relationship. Give him a chance.

Tropez

InMyBubble wrote: »

Just reading through some of these comments is quite reassuring. I've always only seen myself as deformed and nobody is worse than me. I know I have to face this or I will be single forever. I trust him, I know he is a good guy but every time I think of even telling him it feels like I'm going to have a panic attack. I'm thinking I should get drunk first and tell him? That way if he rejects me I can get drunk enough to hopefully forget.

Don't get drunk first. Alcohol is a depressant and you already sound a little worse for wear in that area.

Perhaps you should see your GP and ask about a referral for some counselling to help you cope with this? You're not deformed and although it isn't guaranteed, talking through your fears with someone may help you.

poorly_scammo

I think you need to step back a bit OP. - I understand that falling in love is intense but you describe yourself as 'falling apart' and think he'll 'hate you'. In the nicest possible way - stop it. You're building this up in your head into a monster. I know that's what you're doing because I used to do the same and then when I actually did whatever deed I had to, it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd built it up to be.

You need to talk to this man. As other posters have mentioned, he might think you've gone off him so you need to let him know how you feel and secondly, if he's knob who rejects you because of your scars, then you've actually lost nothing because without wishing to minimise your scars, life can get a hell of a lot more difficult and you want someone who'll be supportive of you when life's excrement really does hit the air conditioning. Go for it.

Hope this helps.

InMyBubble

Artytarty wrote: »

I think my daughter just let him find it. A small part is visible in low neck tops and short sleeves, looks bruised but isn't.so in the respect he probably wasn't very surprised.
Anyhow three years on and they are a very happy couple.
Please tell him, and stop calling it a dark secret! You have not done anything bad.
But it's really only fair to let him know at least why you broke up. Be prepared that he might be hurt that would think him so shallow, give him the chance to prove otherwise.

I've really messed this up. I wish I would have confided in someone before I made the decision to dump him.

poorly_scammo

Oh and don't get pished. He'll think you don't mean it.

Ozzuk

InMyBubble wrote: »

I've really messed this up. I wish I would have confided in someone before I made the decision to dump him.

So explain the situation to him. Send him a link to this thread. Call him. Do something and fight for him.

Its horrible what has happened to you, but don't make it worse by holding yourself back from something potentially wonderful.

Do it now! Good luck

tea_lover

InMyBubble wrote: »

I've really messed this up. I wish I would have confided in someone before I made the decision to dump him.

Hindsight is a marvellous thing. You know what, maybe you could have handled things better, but it really doesn't sound that bad and there's every chance he'll understand you getting a bit freaked out.

Contact him (SOBER!), say you're sorry if you were a bit distant but you were worried about this. If you don't feel you can physically start that conversation, maybe a letter or email. But please don't do this drunk, that really won't help.

InMyBubble

paulineb wrote: »

Im sure he wont hate you, but being dumped out of the blue, no matter what reason isn't very nice.

If I were you Id speak to him whether its face to face, email, text, as soon as possible, Id probably want to do it face to face.

If you really do want to sort your relationship out, the sooner you do it the better for both of you.

No sense in being apart when you seem to really like one another.

Okay I'll text him when he finishes work. How does this sound "Hey ***** I'm really sorry for breaking up with you, can we meet later so I can tell you something?"

InMyBubble

poorly_scammo wrote: »

I think you need to step back a bit OP. - I understand that falling in love is intense but you describe yourself as 'falling apart' and think he'll 'hate you'. In the nicest possible way - stop it. You're building this up in your head into a monster. I know that's what you're doing because I used to do the same and then when I actually did whatever deed I had to, it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd built it up to be.

You need to talk to this man. As other posters have mentioned, he might think you've gone off him so you need to let him know how you feel and secondly, if he's knob who rejects you because of your scars, then you've actually lost nothing because without wishing to minimise your scars, life can get a hell of a lot more difficult and you want someone who'll be supportive of you when life's excrement really does hit the air conditioning. Go for it.

Hope this helps.

I know its in my head, my conscience is wearing me down but it is hard to stop thinking of the worst. I've never been close with a guy like this before and it will be the first time I let the skeleton out of the closet.