Falling apart because of falling in love

Tropez

InMyBubble wrote: »

I'm just scared, I've never been in this situation before and telling my darkest secret to a guy who fell in love with me without knowing my secret will probably scare him off.

If he loves you it would do nothing of the sort, trust me.

paulineb_2

InMyBubble wrote: »

I'm just scared, I've never been in this situation before and telling my darkest secret to a guy who fell in love with me without knowing my secret will probably scare him off.

I think you need to speak to him as soon as possible. Youve already ended the relationship, the longer you put off letting him know what was wrong, the harder it might be to fix things.

Also, I understand your concerns, but you might have hurt him, you say you were in love with him, if he felt the same way I expect he might be feeling pretty awful right now.

tea_lover

Tropez wrote: »

If he loves you it would do nothing of the sort, trust me.

Exactly. And if he did react badly (which really isn't likely) it just shows he's not the one for you. But please give yourselves both the chance.

InMyBubble

paulineb wrote: »

You've made his decision for him without allowing him to know whats wrong, I wonder how he's feeling right now.

I haven't even thought about how he feels I've been so caught up with my own insecurities. He will hate me for being selfish.

InMyBubble

Artytarty wrote: »

Listen here now! I'm putting on my stern Mummy voice and telling you what I said to my daughter!
She has a large birthmark covering the side of ther left breast and going into her armpit and down the back of her upper arm.
By the time your fella gets to see it he won't care, he will feel tenderly towards you and it won't , I repeat, WONT matter a jot!
Guess what? I was right.
This scar is just a part of who,you are, a small piece of your history. It does not define you.
Incidentally, despite some unsuccessful laser therapy when she was young, daughter now says she accepts the mark and it is part of her to stay.

Did your daughter tell her guy? Or did she just let him find it?

paulineb_2

InMyBubble wrote: »

I haven't even thought about how he feels I've been so caught up with my own insecurities. He will hate me for being selfish.

Im sure he wont hate you, but being dumped out of the blue, no matter what reason isn't very nice.

If I were you Id speak to him whether its face to face, email, text, as soon as possible, Id probably want to do it face to face.

If you really do want to sort your relationship out, the sooner you do it the better for both of you.

No sense in being apart when you seem to really like one another.

duchy

InMyBubble wrote: »

I haven't even thought about how he feels I've been so caught up with my own insecurities. He will hate me for being selfish.

Well best you ring him up and invite him out for a drink so you can put him straight then !
Just tell him you panicked and shouldn't have ended things and you feel he deserves a proper explanation.
From what you say he's a kind man -who knows what it is like to be hurt-so hopefully you haven't done too much damage and he will be prepared to listen.

Go on pick that phone up.... You know you want to !! The worst he can say is no....and you'll be no worse off-and he may say yes ....and who knows where that could lead once you are honest with him !!

FatVonD

The daughter of one of my friend's was born with a disfigured hand and my friend was worried that boys wouldn't find her attractive when she was older. My take on it is that anyone that didn't want to know her because of it wasn't worth having anyway so she had her own built in pr1ck detector and wouldn't have to find out the hard way like the rest of us!

I think you should tell him, if he reacts badly (and I bet he won't) then he wasn't worth having anyway.

Artytarty

I think my daughter just let him find it. A small part is visible in low neck tops and short sleeves, looks bruised but isn't.so in the respect he probably wasn't very surprised.
Anyhow three years on and they are a very happy couple.
Please tell him, and stop calling it a dark secret! You have not done anything bad.
But it's really only fair to let him know at least why you broke up. Be prepared that he might be hurt that would think him so shallow, give him the chance to prove otherwise.

InMyBubble

Just reading through some of these comments is quite reassuring. I've always only seen myself as deformed and nobody is worse than me. I know I have to face this or I will be single forever. I trust him, I know he is a good guy but every time I think of even telling him it feels like I'm going to have a panic attack. I'm thinking I should get drunk first and tell him? That way if he rejects me I can get drunk enough to hopefully forget.