Depression Support Thread

feelinggood_2

ilovegreatdanes wrote: »

hi all,
having a bit of a bad one today.suppose i knew it was coming as ive been quite "up" lately.
cant put my finger on why.
just feel so unsatisfied with my life.i hate it when you are trying to describe how you feel and its all cliques(cant even spell the bl**dy word) but hope you know what i mean.
like im stuck in a life thats not my own, and im constantly waiting to go back to where i should be.am so bored but have loads of stuff i could be doing ,if i could be bothered to get off my fat beam and do them.spend wasted hours after i have made really good intentions, then its too late to get stuff done, and i look at the time and wonder where its gone, then feel guilty cos its all my own doing, or not doing, iykwim.
friend(term used loosely!!)has just gone to ibiza for a week and prob some of the cr*p mood is jealousy.just lately, other peoples misfortune(especially if i know them and dont like them)makes me feel better....what kind of nasty piece of work does that make me ???
am talking to myself alot lately and feel pulled apart by good and bad voices in my head.i try to reason with myself and fight it out, think ive conquered it then go off in a different slant altogether.think im losing it.wonder if im just an awful person, put here to learn all the awful stuff, and i had the wonderful life previously in my past life.now im left here with all the horrid bits to sort out.
its frightening me the more i dwell on it and the deeper i delve, iykwim.does everyone feel like this sometimes....or am i hurtling towards losing it completely????
sorry if any comments offend,hope you bear with me til im together again.
think ill get off now.
god bless. xx

The downs are made much worse by the ups aren't they? I hope this down doesn't last very long.

I use a lot of cliches - they are used by a lot of people because they sum up our feelings really well. Some people have an amazing ability to write things in a way that really makes sense to us - I think cliches are like song lyrics - it doesn't matter that you didn't write them, they still mean something.

Please don't beat yourself up for not getting as much done as you'd like. Sometimes we set unrealistic goals for ourselves, and then we feel disappointed when we fail. Do you think it would help to write a list of all the things you want to get done, and then choose 1 or 2 to get started on today? I've learnt now that its never to late to get started. I often get most of my jobs done in the evening - thats when I work best.

Well done on being honest and recognising that you are feeling jealous. Jealousy isn't a nice thing to feel, and I think a lot of the time we try to deny that we feel it as we think its wrong to feel it. Personally, I think that it is totally understandable to feel jealous, as long as you don't act on it. It doesn't make you a bad person to want what others have - I think its only natural. Try not to let it eat away at you (easier said than done) - try and take your mind off it. Could you plan a daytrip for sometime in the future to look forward to? I'm planning to go to the Zoo soon, I've been looking forward to it for a while, its something to focus on when everyone else is jetting off on holiday. I know that sometimes I've been happy when people fall from grace. It does make me feel bad, but I think that its something a lot of people go through. I just try and put those thoughts to the back of my head and focus on me and what makes me happy. I'm very jealous of my sister in law who has just had a baby. Instead of letting it eat away at me, I'm focusing on dieting so that when I'm ready to start a family, I'll be healthy.

I don't have much experience of voices, is this something you've talked to your doctor about? The only voice I have is my 'alcoholic voice'. I know its just part of my own mind, but its a devilish voice that does a lot to try and get me to drink. I don't know if thats at all similar to what you are going through?

You made me feel really welcome since I returned and I think that shows that you are a good person. Also, the fact that you CARE about wether you are good or not shows you are good. In my experience, the nasty people couldn't careless wether they are nasty or not.

I'm really sorry you are feeling low, wish I could give you a real hug :grouphug:

feelinggood_2

ilovegreatdanes wrote: »

i feel awful when someones nice cos i dont deserve it

I think you do deserve it.

If you look back at your posts, you have been a very welcoming and caring member of this thread, who has made many valuable contributions.

You are worth it, and you do deserve it.

Heres a hug for you:

ilovegreatdanes

just so hard to keep the mask on sometimes....cant see the keys now cos i cant stop crying!!!

Tiff_2

Hi ilgd hun,
Hang in there hun, I've just gone into Tiff mode with a reply.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

feelinggood_2

Hopefully a good cry will make you feel a bit better. It can be good to let it out. How about giving your great dane a cuddle and crying over him? I used to have a lovely rabbit, he would just sit on my lap while I cuddled him and cried. Can't do that with my hamster, hes a bit small!

ilovegreatdanes

just wonder siometimes if theyd miss me if i went or notice id gone...pathetic and weak....

feelinggood_2

ilovegreatdanes wrote: »

just wonder siometimes if theyd miss me if i went or notice id gone...pathetic and weak....

I think they probably would.

I've often had dark thoughts, and I've felt that it would be for the best if I wasn't around anymore.

I did actually ask my OH for permission to end things once, and I was shocked by his reaction. I was expecting him to say that was fine, but he was really upset. Just because I thought he'd be better off without me didn't me he felt that way.

If you start to have any bad thoughts or urges, remember you can go to Accident & Emergency and ask for help.

I'm glad to have met you ILGD, and I'd like the chance to get to know you better.

Do you think there is anything you can do now to make yourself feel a little better?

poppyjay

hi ilgd
big hugs to you i hope your ok all of you on here are like one big family to me were all here for you when things get bad do you think you should give gp a ring and see if you can see someone today
big big hugs hope your ok

ilovegreatdanes

dh never takes me seriously,thinks its all a joke.prob thinks im a joke...good old wife..cant have a likfe of her own..alright in the house..have to be there for ds and the dog...my lifes not my own..markin time...god, im wallowing in the self pity now!!!no money to do anything or get out,or would it be worse if i went.im in such a dark place atm
fg ..appreciate you xx bear wiyh me

ilovegreatdanes

forgive me.....im goin now.will post when i can
gosd bless xx