what's 'normal'

mountainofdebt

I must admit I wouldn't have thought about buying another phone or going somewhere to use wifi had I been in your OH's situation either.

How many times have you perhaps not done something and then thought that it would have been a good idea when someone pointed it out to you?

Horace

OP - if you are that worried why are you not booking a flight and going over to France to see if he is alright?

Seanymph

Because Horace he is on his way back today.

I think he's alright - on the assumption i'd have heard if he wasn't.

My concern is whether or not he has a deficit caused by his acquired brain injury - or whether I've married a thoughtless git

lostinrates

Seanymph wrote: »

Because Horace he is on his way back today.

I think he's alright - on the assumption i'd have heard if he wasn't.

My concern is whether or not he has a deficit caused by his acquired brain injury - or whether I've married a thoughtless git

My parents often were apart because of work before communication was as easy, no mobiles and one in places where phones weren't as available. It was quite normal to speak occasionally and say ' see you when I'm back'.

For DH and I when living in other countries phone cards were used in phone boxes, but phone boxes are harder to find, and depending where your house is so might be phone card sellers.

I don't think either of these is necessarily the outcome, it might just be that you have a different expectation following the communication that his phone wasn't working.


Fwiw, no brain injury but I'll health, and I often find my husband's concern a little suffogating. A couple of years ago he couldn't get hold of me on either the landline or the mobile and very late at night my neighbours drove round to check I was ok. I felt terrible he had disturbed them (they get up very early to milk) and also while feeling lucky to be so loved and cherished I also felt a little.....robbed of independence, that it couldn't simply be assumed that like a 'normal' person I had simply fallen asleep early (as had happened) or even might have been or some such.

What did happen from that is we had a conversation about how important the routine we have of speaking when not to getter is to each of us and that I realise it is as remiss of me not to let him know I'm sleepy and might drift off as it would be for me to go out and not let him know I'm not about, and likewise he understands I can feel suffocated more easily than he. It just hasn't arisen in that way before so neither of us expected the strength of feeling we had a that time.

tyllwyd

I think you need to try to calm down and give him a chance to get home and catch his breath before you have a go at him. I think you've said that you've not been married all that long (less than 2 years?) but I'm not sure how long you've been together?

It might be that you need to establish the ground rules - in his mind, you knew that he couldn't be in touch as often as normal, so maybe he didn't realise that you would still expect him to get in touch before he came home.

There's no harm in having a quiet discussion and telling him that you were upset, but certainly if it was my OH, the worst thing I could do is start a row the moment he steps into the house. With my OH it's taken a few years of nagging before he's realised that I do like to know when he'll be late back. I could easily imagine him being away for a week and not thinking to contact me in that time.

Seanymph

tyllwyd we have been together 8.5 years now.

He knows about expectations - both engendering them and having them. We also know each other fairly well - we have only been married a year and a half though. Perhaps now we're married he thinks he doesn't need to talk to me every day.

Mind you, I was out there last summer for two weeks, and I talked to him every day.

luckycat99

From reading what you have put so far, it sounds like you are not married to a "thoughtless git", he was very communicative beforehand (if I remember rightly). All these changes seem to be as a result of the head injury. I have some experience of this and his taking your comment literally about not contacting, is something that can be a result of a head injury. Often when people have head injuries they might not have much insight into the things they find difficult or that are differnt to before.

I agree with previous posters - try and stay calm and try and talk to him about why he didn't contact you. Getting angry might confuse him. I also strongly agree that you should go to the GP and either speak to your regular GP or to another more sympathetic GP in your practice. Keep in touch with Headway as you need support for this as well as your husband. It has been a massive change to your lives and will take its toll on both of you - maybe you more so as you are more aware of the changes that have happened. I would ask for a referral for him to have a full assessment (i.e.memory etc) - then you know what you are dealing with.

Best of luck

busiscoming2

Wait and see what his explanation is and whether you think it is viable.

I personally don't think it is normal behaviour. Him seemingly not being particularly bothered by how you are doing, assuming he knew you were worried about him going? The OTT way he reacted when his phone was broken. Any 'normal' person would think to contact their partner at least part way through their stay to let them know everything is fine.

I'd make a list and a GP appointment and ask for a referral to a head injury/behaviour consultant. They must be able to do tests for brain injuries.

lostinrates

Seanymph wrote: »

tyllwyd we have been together 8.5 years now.

He knows about expectations - both engendering them and having them. We also know each other fairly well - we have only been married a year and a half though. Perhaps now we're married he thinks he doesn't need to talk to me every day.

Mind you, I was out there last summer for two weeks, and I talked to him every day.

I think the night DH and had was after eight years together.

elsien

Head injury or not, I'd be letting him know how upset I was without pulling any punches.
Because if he's a thoughtless !!!! he needs telling. And if its the head injury he needs telling. Otherwise he'll carry on insisting nothing is wrong, refusing to see the GP etc. If he lacks insight he has no other way of finding out there is a problem unless those close to him are able to point it out. If he can't / won't get checked out for himself, he may be more willing to do so for you if he can see how important it is to you. (Even if only to try to prove you wrong.)