what's 'normal'

luckycat99

busiscoming2 wrote: »

They must be able to do tests for brain injuries.

They can - I know from personal experience.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Seanymph wrote: »

PP I did say 'I'm fine' - he was panicking and in someone else's house - I was reassuring him, calming him down.

But to use someone saying 'I'm fine' as licence to not call or be concerned for a week strikes me as not his normal self.

He used to have independent thought - he would have had SOME curiosity as to how I was faring with the kids and dogs etc..... Or at least want to tell me about how his week was going.

Silence is a new one on me. Now, could his bang on the head have caused him to be so literal that his non contact is somehow my 'fault' because I reassured him I was fine during one phone call.

Or is he an inconsiderate so and so.

and if he IT because he took me so literally is that normal? Could any other wife on here stand by the fact that if they said to their husband when he was away for a week 'yep, I'm fine, don't worry - yep, kids all fine - nope, dog not dead, £546 bill mind you, but we are all ok, don't worry about us'. Is it somehow reasonable for a husband to think 'ah, she's fine - I'll just f off for a week and not bother about anyone at home'.

Because I would think of him in that situation - worry about him - WANT to talk to him. So I would have called.

One of us obviously is out of touch with 'normality' - of course it could be me and I could have unreaslistic expectations of the man I married, or, his bang on the head could have meant that he isn't quite processing things correctly any longer - and therefore appearing uncaring but actually isn't.

However, it's all helping me line up my thoughts, so thanks for all opinions. Sometimes hearing what strikes you as wrong helps you work out what is right for you.

I would think 'OK, so he's got it all sorted, I don't have to worry about anything, he'll get in touch if there's an emergency'. No head injury, I just trust him.

Tahlullah

Honestly, from everything you have said about him prior to the head injury, his current behaviour is abnormal. He was not a selfish person before so hang onto that thought.

I wish you luck with how you plan to tackle this issue with him, because it does not appear to be a selfish act.

Are you sure he will remember to come home as planned?

Here's hoping everything is ok with him and you manage to find your husband again.

meritaten

I don't know your OH but you are worried enough to post on here, and I think that for your own peace of mind you must persuade him to go with you to see his GP. If, deep down, you KNOW there is something wrong then it must be investigated.

daisiegg

Seanymph wrote: »

Thank you to everyone.

He could problem solve his way out of not contacting me.

he could buy a handset in france and put his sim in it. He could take his laptop to anywhere with wi-fi - every mcdonalds has it and he could send an email. He could use a payphone. He could buy a phone card at the intermarche and use a payphone.

This is the 21st Century - he is in France not katmandu - logistically with a small amount of thought and effort he could have got in touch.

I wrote him a letter on Monday and posted it and he would have got it Thursday! Blimey, he could have written a letter!

'He has no phone how do you think he should contact you' holds no water at all. He is an adult, and with rational thought that isn't a problem.

We have a HOUSE there, we have bank accounts, debit cards, and the ability to speak the language. He also has a laptop, and a working sim on an english network which he could put into any mobile that was either unlocked or had a reciprocal agreement with Vodaphone.

I'm afraid the 'broken phone' is not an excuse for no contact.

I have to admit, I was picturing a little remote cottage somewhere miles away from civilisation, with the closest little villages having nothing like wifi or macdonalds - I have a relative who has a holiday home like that so it is what I was picturing!

Sorry to have got that wrong!

claire16c

Id be extremely worried in your situation. Ok so his phone is not working, but like you said there are a few other ways of contacting you, Id be wondering if my DH was dead in a ditch if I hadnt heard for that long! I probably would have called the estate agent and asked them to check he was ok.

So considering hes had a head injury and you normally talk every day I would be attributing it to that - it seems weird otherwise he would go from everyday contact to none for a week! Its clearly not normal behaviour for him at all.

DavidF

I do know some guys who are friends of mine who could fairly "easily" go a week without contact....if they got half a whiff that they would "get away with it". I don't mean cheat or nowt like that it's just some guys love quiet time almost as much as they love their family.....that doesn't sound right but it is the best I could describe it.
I also think females "need" to talk to their loved ones much more than males do....I think that is pretty much a given anyway. Now obviously you have your super sensitive guys who are sensitive to their women's needs.....and you have guys who frankly are not all that sensitive at all and are in constant strife due to missed birthdays/anniversaries and valentines.....it don't make them !!!!!s it's just they way they are wired...
Head injuries could also change a person...so only you in your heart would really know if he has changed. 8 years...you must have an excellent mental picture of how he behaves when "normal"...so only you can really judge if there is a difference....I think it would be a good idea to ask his closest friends (privately)and see if they concur that there has been a "change" in his manner.

**BTW just for the record...I report back to base each and every day if/when allowed a holiday with mates/stag weekends ect ect. Im maybe not sensitive...but im not bloody stupid either....i know what sort of time i would be in for if i didnt call lol.
Good luck op - Hope it all works out for you.

Seanymph

Well I'm not really any further forwards - I am still vascillating between he isn't functioning as well to well, you married him and you knew he gets very focused.

I guess because half the respondents (thankyou) say 'don't blame him' and half 'get him assessed (and thank you too).

I suggested a doctors appointment and he said I'd look fairly stupid wheeling him in and saying 'he didn't phone me for a week'. Which is true.

So perhaps the diary....

And we will sort the phone problem - even if I make him have a landline installed there - he doesn't want to, not very MSE paying all that money for a couple of weeks a year.

But I dont' feel any more validated in pushing for him to be checked because of the brain injury. Not really. But I do have a nag that I should.

fireyfirenze

so he did turn up home? what was his reaction to you saying he hadn't phoned for a week, or did you not mention it?

Tiddlywinks

Ask your GP for referral to a neuro-psychologist for cognitive testing and cite your concerns about behavioural changes since the accident.

Stress also manifests itself in many different ways so consider that as something the GP might mention.

You need to be clear about the changes and a diary would be really useful to support that.

Good luck... But please remember, if it is the result of the injury, the behaviour may be beyond your OH's control and seem acceptable to him.