what's 'normal'

Prothet_of_Doom

Seanymph wrote: »

He could be inconsiderate of course - he's a man (see the birthday note above - no bloody present!).

But I have never, under any circumstances, gone more than 24 hours without contact from him since the day we met.

24 hours ? !!!!!! that's just weird.

If I broke my phone in a foreign country, and having had my wife say "Don't worry, just enjoy yourself" I probably wouldn't phone her for a couple of days.

I would probably, say "I'm not going to be able to phone you, but if I see a public phone box, I'll give you a call later in the week, if not I'll phone you when I get back to the UK"

Then I'd write her a postcard or 2.


Mind you, I was brought up before mobile phones, and when I was a student and my g/f (now wife) was a student nurse some 50 miles away, I would have to walk miles across the city to find an empty phone box, and phone a public phone in the corridor, 3 floors below her room in her halls of residence, and hope that someone would answer it, and be bothered to go and find her.

By the time she'd got to the phone, I would have used all my weeks beer money, and have people knocking on the door of the phone box.

Seanymph

Thanks Tiddlywinks - that's were I'm at.

We didn't 'row' - we rarely do.

I pointed out that I was upset and angry- it wasn't reasonable for a married man to go off the radar for a week.

He said he 'tried really hard' but 'couldn't work any of the phones with any of his cards'. He 'thought of me every day' - then went on to explain the instances when (generally when needing a second body to move heavy wood bless him!). But also one night when he couldn't sleep at all. (He doesn't sleep very well unless i'm where he is).

He visited the estate agent again twice - she was out both times.

he went to a phone shop but they were all on contract.

So, he tried - but he 'didn't think' about several possible solutions I suggested, and 'didn't worry too much' because I'd said I was fine.

However other things were more apparent last night because he'd been away for a week.

Silly things, like he couldn't find a word, and asked me to supply it - I had to guess until I got the right one - then he finished his sentence.

I'd got used to providing words (he couldn't string any together to begin with!) - because of the gradual improve I hadn't noticed we still did that.

He asked me if he'd done something (can't remember what) I said xxx he said 'did I do that then' I said 'yes' he said 'ok'. Can't remember the 'what' but remember thinking I also provide his memory - he relies on mine, and if he's not sure he checks with me to see if he's done it or not. I had got so used to it I had stopped noticing it.

There were other things - but because he's been away these 'patterns' we are in were more obvious to me.

But he's right - I'll look stupid going in and saying 'he didn't phone me for a week' I need a bit more than that!

peachyprice

Seanymph wrote: »

And we will sort the phone problem - even if I make him have a landline installed there - he doesn't want to, not very MSE paying all that money for a couple of weeks a year.

Perhaps a spare mobile that lives there with a French PAYG sim is the way forward with that?

lostinrates

Seanymph....losing words is something I am familiar with as related to my neurological issues.

Aphasia is likely to be taken seriously by a GP. http://www.ukconnect.org/about-aphasia.aspx

peachyprice

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Ask your GP for referral to a neuro-psychologist for cognitive testing and cite your concerns about behavioural changes since the accident.

Stress also manifests itself in many different ways so consider that as something the GP might mention.

You need to be clear about the changes and a diary would be really useful to support that.

Good luck... But please remember, if it is the result of the injury, the behaviour may be beyond your OH's control and seem acceptable to him.

Don't you mean get your OH to ask the GP....

By all means go together so that you can make sure the GP has the whole picture, but no GP in his right mind will make referrals based on a visit from a spouse unless the patient is mentally incapacitated, which he clearly isn't.

Mojisola

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

24 hours ? !!!!!! that's just weird.

If I broke my phone in a foreign country, and having had my wife say "Don't worry, just enjoy yourself" I probably wouldn't phone her for a couple of days.

I don't think this is about what's acceptable behaviour between couples but whether this is normal for this particular man and whether the head injury could be the cause of his changed behaviour.

If I was Seanymph, I would be concerned and would want him to be referred for further testing.

sleepless_saver

Seanymph wrote: »

And we will sort the phone problem - even if I make him have a landline installed there - he doesn't want to, not very MSE paying all that money for a couple of weeks a year.

You don't have to pay for the whole year. If it's a second home, you can suspend the service when you're not there. http://france.angloinfo.com/housing/setting-up-home/telephone/

itsanne

Seanymph wrote: »

Well I'm not really any further forwards - I am still vascillating between he isn't functioning as well to well, you married him and you knew he gets very focused.

I guess because half the respondents (thankyou) say 'don't blame him' and half 'get him assessed (and thank you too).

I suggested a doctors appointment and he said I'd look fairly stupid wheeling him in and saying 'he didn't phone me for a week'. Which is true.

So perhaps the diary....

And we will sort the phone problem - even if I make him have a landline installed there - he doesn't want to, not very MSE paying all that money for a couple of weeks a year.

But I dont' feel any more validated in pushing for him to be checked because of the brain injury. Not really. But I do have a nag that I should.

You really answer this yourself further on when you give more examples of things causing concern. You're not really wanting him to go to the GP because of not phoning, although that is the trigger, but because of a range of things that you know aren't quite right. There's an element of people telling you not to blame him precisely because it looks as if an assessment would be a good idea.

The diary would be very helpful not only for the GP, but also for your husband - although try not to make it too alarming. I think I'd be panicking more than a bit if my husband told me he was keeping a diary of all the things suggesting I might have brain damage :eek: so be careful how you raise it. Good luck with that conversation!

It must be a worrying and frustrating time. If it's any consolation, if he does indeed have some lasting effect from the injury, from what you have said it doesn't appear to have changed him in a way which would prevent both of you having a normal life or make your relationship difficult.

busiscoming2

Seanymph wrote: »

But he's right - I'll look stupid going in and saying 'he didn't phone me for a week' I need a bit more than that!

But you have got more than that. You have said that you have to be his memory and fill in missing words. That is enough.

Mojisola

Seanymph wrote: »

But he's right - I'll look stupid going in and saying 'he didn't phone me for a week' I need a bit more than that!

What you need is to show the difference between how he used to behave and things he does now. It's not each incident that's going to be explained away; it's the accumulation of changes that shows something isn't right.

I had the same problem when Mum started with dementia. Initially the GP was trying to tell me that what Mum was doing was normal - well, it might have been normal for someone else (the spectrum of normality is very wide) but it wasn't normal for her. I had to gather a range of examples - previously she would have said/done/never done A, B and C and now she says or does X, Y and Z.