Bulying on school bus

teawithmilk

I've never spoken to nasty girls parents- well, spoke to her mum ONCE at a school "Do" just after my DD joined the school. "nasty girl" is cocky, overconfident and thinks she is the bees knees. In primary school she was always pushing herself forward for the best parts in the play etc and used to pull faces and get stroppy if she didn't get the parts (according to DD) and even burst into tears if she didnt get her own way.

She had family who worked in the primary school (her auntie was a classroom assistant and her other auntie by marriage was a teacher there) - I only found this out because DD said that nasty girl would never shut up boasting about it. I think that nasty girl thought it gave her some sort of kudos.

trollopscarletwoman

egoode wrote: »

t least they aren't getting violent.

Not yet.

But if its allowed to continue I'll bet they will.

I'm all for going up the school. If they still won't do anything about it pull the parents yourself or withdraw the child from school and make a stink.

I don't buy the the idea that to take on the issue will only make matters worse. I think not taking the issue on will make matters worse.

mrcow

koan wrote: »

What if they deny it? It's one person's word against two or three of theirs.

There are sixth formers on the bus.

They won't take any nonsense if a member of staff asked them to be on the look out. They'd report you as a Year 7 bully if necessary and don't for one second think that they wouldn't. The OP can even ask for a bus "buddy" in the form of a sixth former (but be aware if they are Y12 or 13, they won't be on the bus after June - you're better off getting a Y10 or 11 - who, by the way, will be JUST as intolerant of a little Y7 cocky bully).

If they get caught doing anything further, that's it. Whether it's being banned from the next school trip, or school event. Or whether it's a suspension for bullying, that's the Head's look out. There are plenty of people in schools who know right from wrong, and despite what's trendy to think of teenagers these days, the vast majority will stick up against bullying if they can.

But either way, it stops. You may think the bully lying about their behaviour will work, but in the long term, if confronted, it won't.

GobbledyGook

Who runs the buses? Are they buses the kids happen to get to school or are they designated school buses provided by the local authority?

If they are general buses you might not get much help from the bus as they will not be classed as school time. If they are actual school buses then it is the school's responsibility to ensure the children are all safe and behaving well. Usually that entails some sort of supervision, but more and more that is falling away because of the funding cuts.

GobbledyGook

From what you've said I'd speak to the school. Girls who speak to others on the bus probably speak to other children like that in school.

Make sure your daughter is ok with you speaking to the school first though.

bylromarha

Girls on school buses are evil things. I remember it well from my own school days.

Contact the school and see how they suggest it gets dealt with.

And give DD a huge hug as she probably needs it after the ride home - and maybe a pair of headphones so she can tune into her mobile rather than listen to their bile.

pollypenny

I second the advice about speaking to the school and ask about sixth form befrienders.

Whilst there are bullies in every school, no matter what they say, there are many pupils with a sense of fairness.

Lily-Rose_3

Oh your poor thing, and I feel SOOOOO sorry for your daughter. This thread has struck a serious chord with me...

My daughter's first 3 years at high school (yr 7 to 9,) was almost ruined by bullies, especially moreso in year 9. It was threatening her GCSEs and it was affecting her attendance, her mental health, her physical health and her well-being in general.

They picked on her weight, as she was about 2-3 stone overweight, and the fact she was an only child, meant she had no siblings to defend her. I also have no other family closeby (like cousins or something to back her up, and help her.)

It wasn't a school bus situation, but cyber-bullying: namely facebook. But also Piczo to start with, (which was an older version of FB, where you could make your own page.) These 2 girls, let's call them Tanny and Jay - not their real names - constantly posted on my daughter's message board on this site, and called her all sorts of names, and started accusing her of things she hadn't done, and told other girls who were older than her that my daughter had been calling them 'wh0re' and 'slag,' and so then these girls started on her!

Then Tanny and Jay, made a page called 'I hate Emily Harris' my daughter - (not her real name.) and invited dozens of people from the school to join in and bash Emily. Actually, several people posted 'tanny, Jay, you have gone too far this time...' and before they could delete the page, I print-screened all of what they had said, and kept it. Then I contacted their mothers. Both of them flew off the handle at me, and refused to believe their little darlings had done ANYthing, claiming MY daughter was the instigator of all the trouble, and basically both got together and turned about 6 of the other mums (that all lived near to them) against me.

I went to their houses, and tried to show them what their daughters had been saying, but they tried to set the pitbulls on me! Then for a few weeks after, their families kept coming around past my house and just staring in as they were passing...

Then Jay messaged Emily and said she was 'going to kill her.' I immediately print-screened it, and she deleted it within seconds. I had the proof though, and I called the police. They had a word with them, and gave them AND their parents a warning. It was priceless. They had an official caution, and were warned to stay away from Emily AND me. It was brilliant. They were powerless now. I know in 'their' world, calling the police is a bigger crime than theft or dole-fraud, but I am not IN their world, and will call the police every time, if my family are under threat.

Then a few months later (sorry to go on,) some MORE girls started on her and another girl who was her best friend. Upshot is, she was bullied for months, at school AND on facebook. I told the school, and they basically said that if she didn't go on facebook ie; deleted her account, then she wouldn't see it! So she is to stay off it because of the behaviour of others then? So she did deactivate for a few weeks, and they were just sending nasty messages amongst themselves on facebook and twitter about her, that 100s of others were seeing. She knew because people were telling her and sending her copies of the messages.

Even though we carried on complaining, the school seemed to keep bringing it back to her: as if it was HER fault. They suggested assertiveness training and counselling to help her deal with things better, like what was happening was HER fault. At the time, she was struggling with a serious eating disorder and we lost several family members, and times were hard, and this did NOT help. Especially when they got her and sat her in front of the FIVE bullies, in a room, to try and get them to 'sort it out.' On the way out, one of them whispered to her 'you're f--king dead b1tch.'

She started having lots of time off, and the education authority contacted US and basically threatened us, saying we could go to jail if this gets worse. I saw red, and wrote an almighty flaming letter to them, outlining all the bullying that had been going on and how the school was doing NOTHING about it.

They bloody well did something THEN though! They brought a new rule to the school about cyber bullying and other bullying and said it would not be tolerated, and the 4 or 5 people involved got suspended for 2 weeks their behaviour and their parents went so mad that they never bothered my daughter again.

So my answer - eventually LOL - would be a) tell the police, if it gets too serious, or b) threaten the school with the education authority. Tell them that your daughter's education and welfare are under threat.

For the record, my daughter is at uni now, and is a svelte size 8, and is happier than she has ever been. As for these girls; 2 of them got expelled several months later for different issues, 2 are teen mums, and one is 19 y.o. and hasn't had a job since she left school.

So I am sure your daughter will be OK. Don't be brushed off with excuses though!!!

Finally, it makes me seriously angry when people suggest people 'suck it up' or 'fight back,' as if it's that easy! Not everyone is able to do this. Doesn't make them weak or stupid.

Eager_Elephant

Hi TWM,

My daughter is 11 (year 6 though) and has to get the bus to school and she has suffered bullying as well.

It is heartbreaking when they are so upset.

She used to be punched and kicked and called names and we would tell her to ignore them (we knew the girls, they lived in our village and went to Guides together (in the same car - we did alternate drop offs) and because they lived closer to each other then my daughter they were round each others all the time).

The girls in her class have always been fickle and I knew by the next day it would have all blown over and of course it did until a few weeks later and it would start again.

A few weeks ago there was an incident on the bus and again we told her to ignore it, that night she went on Kik (like a chat room for kids) and one of the girls had used the other girls phone to post horrible vile things (swear words that would make a rugby team blush!!), my daughter was so upset.

I was out that night and my DH messaged the girl back )on my daughters account) to say he had enough of the bullying that had been going on and would also speak to the headteacher (he hates bullying and addresses it straight away).

We thought that was the end of it (we weren't going to tell the head) but the next morning I got a call from one of the mum's to apologise and say how sorry they were etc.
Turns out the girl who's account had been used was so worried she told her mum who in turn told the other girls mum and they were genuinely mortified.

Both girls were grounded and had computers etc removed and had a stern talking to. We even got a Sorry card!

Now they are much better with her - obviously some of the girls in class fall out occasionally but it is more controlled and not as vicious.

Sorry for going on - what I am trying to say is tell the parents and the school.

pinkshoes

I had the same with one of my Y7 tutees.

All incidents need to be reported in writing to the school asap so that they can then get both sides of ths story quickly.

My tutee now has a 6th form bus buddy who waits with her in the morning and sits with her. So far so good.