Bulying on school bus

teawithmilk

DD is with my ex tonight so I cant even give her any sympathy and cuddles.

None of the older kids know my DD and as with most school buses, they wont get involved unless its really bad!

DD has never got on with the main bully girl- I have always got her to avoid her as much as possible and luckily she isn't in my DDs form.

There is a nice girl who is also in DD's form who gets on the bus but DD says that this nice girl doesnt want to take sides or get involved in sticking up for my DD as she wants to stay friends with everyone.

I may have done the wrong thing but I have e mailled nice girls mum to ask her if her DD has seen anything going on on the bus. I didn't mention names or specifics I just said that DD was really upset, was having a rough time on the bus and had her daughter mentioned anything that had happened. Ive probably messed up doing this as they are all really cliquey and I'm sure nice girls mum is quite pally with horrible girls mum.

I will try and calm down and see what school say their policy is on Monday. I'm tempted to say just struggle on and stick up for yourself to DD but I feel I should give her SOME support somehow. The bus is overcrowded...most nights they have to stand up so she cant even sit and pretend to read a book.

BitterAndTwisted

The one thing the child must not do is to take this personally. Bullies need a victim but they really don't care who it is.

The other thing is to try as hard as she can not to let it show that she cares what these idiots are saying to her. A reaction is what they want, so it must not be given. If they don't get it they will move on to their next victim

Mojisola

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

The one thing the child must not do is to take this personally. Bullies need a victim but they really don't care who it is.

The other thing is to try as hard as she can not to let it show that she cares what these idiots are saying to her. A reaction is what they want, so it must not be given. If they don't get it they will move on to their next victim

Which is why the bullies have to be pulled on their behaviour.

BitterAndTwisted

I don't disagree but having someone else in authority pulling them up for it could either have things escalate, or knowing young girls, make them even more furtive in their unkindness.

teawithmilk

Luckily most of the time i think she does manage to stay composed and answer them back but tonight she just broke down.

It was just as bad for me because I could see it happening in "real time" as she was texting me at work (I was in a meeting!!) how she was feeling and what they were doing- she said that they were trying to get her phone off her to see what she was doing. Imagine being at work and your daughter sending you this:

"So far this week X and X have called me a female dog said that I have special needs called me !!!!!! and gay cos I dont know who the popular people at school are and cos I dont have instagram"

then i replied

"what have they called you tonight?"

and she texted back

"Gay and now they are calling me selfish because i wont let them use my headphones. I want to cry. And when I asked why they were being so horrible to me they said because you are just XXXX(my daughters name)"

So they think it is Ok just to be horrible to her just because she is who she is and they see her as fair game. No other reason than that.

koan_2

Are these kids supervised on the bus at all? It sounds like they should be!

paulineb_2

koan wrote: »

Are these kids supervised on the bus at all? It sounds like they should be!

I agree with that, absolutely.

teawithmilk

No supervision whatsoever- they dont even have the same driver most nights. But I remember my bus to high school was much the same...but not overcrowded and I wasnt 11- i was 13 when I went to high school. These buses do sound a bit more like zoo's than school transport. I remember having to "grovel" to the "hard" girls on my bus but they never bullied me (except for making me smoke cigarettes for a dare!) but surely times have moved on and I dont want DD to go through that. I never got called names or tormented until I cried.

MrsDrink

Firstly a HUGE well done on having such a relationship with your daughter that she can tell you about this sort of thing.

I was bullied by a boy from the school opposite mine (shared school buses), and I never told anyone. Obviously other people on the bus would have seen/heard/known, and my then best friend knew but only because she used to get the bus with me till she moved. But I didn't tell anyone else. I was (still am) a meek individual. I didn't dare confront. I just took it and tried hard to not let it show that I was upset. I never cried in front of them (or anyone). The one thing I want to say is it never stopped until he left the school (he was in the year above me). I endured it for at least 3 years. I did everything I could to avoid catching the bus. From being 'late' and getting my mums boyfriend to come and collect me, going to a friends house straight after school, or walking home (on my own 3 miles).

Looking back I wish I'd spoken to my mum so she could have reported it to my school who could have done something about it. Whilst I am a firm believer that I wouldn't be me if I hadn't walked the path I have and experienced things I have experience. And I like who I am. I still feel upset and ashamed that it was me he decided to target. (It actually brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, even though the adult me knows that it was not my fault). And I wouldn't ever want any child of mine to still feel upset over words some oik said 20 years later.

ohreally

I would be inclined to approach one of the parents and leave them in no doubt what will befall on them if their daughters behavior continues.