NSK;The Tortoise and The Mad MARCH Hare!!!

lotti379

NinjaSavingKat wrote: »

Question = Do you think every woman should have enough money tucked away in case she has to leave at the drop of a hat or as insurance in case things go peat tong?

Well, it is advice my mum has always given me!

Seriously though I am a) not in favour of having fully joint finances anyway and b) absolutely in favour of everyone having a little of their own money stashed away for dire emergencies. However, I think it is particularly important that women do so as if women leave, they are more likely to leave with dependents, and there is currently more chance of women spending a portion of their time at home with said dependents, so can be in a more vulnerable position regarding earning potential.

Says she, with messy finances to say the least! Easy to say, harder to do...

traveller

Hi, I have not caught up on the pages since the weekend. But, I felt I had to answer, Kat

I have always maintained(and a good job too) that anyone should have enough to survive on their own if it comes to it. I find it quite surprising that many people in relationships, leave all their financial affairs to the other person. This has never been something I ever considered :eek:
You can't foresee everything, but it is very important that people are able to get out of situations and or look after themselves when push comes to shove. That's my take on it. Always has though and always will. However, this is because myself siblings and my mother were left almost destitute by my father who refused to provide when she fled due to domestic violence. That shaped me forever!

I'm at work and having an okish day Haven't spent since the weekend. Fed up with Student loans. Last payment should have been yesterday. They didn't take it. I called them, they have no record of my account yet, as a new company has bought it, call back tommorow :mad: I find it odd, that the system found me to send me a letter about the change though.

Anyway enough from me, better do some work Good luck everyone and keep going.

traveller

lotti379 wrote: »

Well, it is advice my mum has always given me!

Seriously though I am a) not in favour of having fully joint finances anyway and b) absolutely in favour of everyone having a little of their own money stashed away for dire emergencies. However, I think it is particularly important that women do so as if women leave, they are more likely to leave with dependents, and there is currently more chance of women spending a portion of their time at home with said dependents, so can be in a more vulnerable position regarding earning potential.

Says she, with messy finances to say the least! Easy to say, harder to do...

Unlike my finances that are a picture of health :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

stewby

To be honest, because me and OH didn't meet until our mid twenties, I was already pretty well established. (that sounds smug, I don't mean it to be).

I was already on the property ladder. My dad is joint owner in case of future issues (this was before I met OH and was to protect me in case someone tried to take my house from me).
I had completed my training to be a nurse and was making enough money to support myself independently.

To be honest, everything was going really well until I took unwell and was unable to work full-time (work-related stress) then I ended up borrowing money off my parents to survive and my credit card debt went a bit off the rails.


But if me and OH were to ever split up (fingers crossed it never happens). He is only entitled to half of what he puts into the house which is pretty much nothing... but then he is only entitled to a quarter because my dad already has half. OH is only entitled to half of my share. If that makes sense.
So I am pretty much safe.


Spending today looking at my honeymoon plans and getting ready to go out. Sorry NSK but it is my cousin's 18th today and she is having an afternoon tea for the ladies... and I am the designated driver for my mum, granny and great auntie. Can't really pull out.
:undecided

NinjaSavingKat

This is interesting little discussion and I am glad you that have so far have given your inpit. Stewby what you says makes sense - so in the case of my cousin she might only be entitled to half of her husbands share if he indeed put his mother on the deeds is that right?..

I read somewhere once that there are 10 things every women should have - albeit a power drill and black lace bra were on the list - so was "enough money to live on her own for three months" should the need arise. And yes - dependants usually come too so that's another situation to discover. Thankfully said cousin did not have children.

There is a lot of planning I have in my little head for "when I return" which is weird considering I haven't left yet. One of those is to have 3 months wages set aside for emergencies albeit I won't come with debt (EVER) so it might just boil down to rent / travel and food plus cheap phone for 3 months which shouldn't be much...

Anyone actually got plans for such a contingency..?

stewby

Well, I don't know because I live in Scotland it is different laws you see.

When my brother was moving his old girlfriend in, my dad, my brother and I all went to see our solicitor (great guy who has helped us buy our houses and has dealt with everything in the family) and he explained that in scottish law... what was yours before the relationship remains yours after the relationship. Unless the person can prove they paid for physical work to the house.

So, if the girlfriend had paid £3,000 to put in a new kitchen, she would be entitled to that money back.
:undecided

Honestly, I do not have any money sitting at the moment. But because my Dad has been dealing with my finances and because of this forum, I know that I can llive comfortably off £400 which leaves more than enough money to cover my outgoings in the main account.


I know that I am very lucky as I understand that single mothers (who women who have children who seperate from their husbands) don't really get the option to work full-time.
One of my old work colleagues actually left work to go onto benefits as she was getting paid less to work than she was on benefits. (Before anyone gets boo-y, it was because she was paying out so much on childcare that her wages were less).


I suppose, instead of thinking about OH leaving me... I should think about if I was ill and couldn't work, I couldn't afford to live on sick pay alone. I have never thought about that before, I have always taken my health for granted.
:embarasse

Can't wait to get rid of this debt. Just want it gone so I can start saving for the wedding/honeymoon.
:j

apple_muncher

I'm a bit like stewby. I met dh when I was 30, already had my own house, no debt, been working for 6 years, no student debt. I was used to running things myself and although I was mightily glad to meet someone to share it all with, I have the self-confidence that I could do it again if necessary. I don't foresee having to make my own way with dd, but then that's often the way, isn't it? My pension is mine, so at least I'd have that back-up if necessary.

To share a personal matter: my mum left my dad when she was 80. Yes, you read it right! All credit to her. We've been fortunate enough to be able to afford a property for her - bought outright in her name, but with a clause that gives us the money back if it needs selling. She'd never had any control of bills, etc so has had a steep learning curve. And she's thriving! And getting on better than ever with dad.

The money management skills we're learning on here are priceless. And it's all thanks to you, kat. We can never ever ever thank you enough for all you have done and continue to do for us.

NinjaSavingKat

AppleMuncher / Stewby = some very interesting points that aren't always nice to speak of but what happens if you Stewby and AppleMuncher your partner get sick long term and can't contribute anything to the moneypot...?

Stewby if you went on sick pay could you afford long-term to cover the mortgage without wracking up more bills to Mum&Dad? (One of my girlfriends did the same re giving up work and claiming benefits. This was back in the day where I didn't understand the system and was not on my debt busting journey - I wasn't very kind to her as I saw this as cheating and a bit of a cop out but she took the time to explain to me why she was doing what she was doing - makes perfect sense. Thats what the system is there for).....

AppleMuncher could you support DD and OH on just your wage if it comes to it? However I am very impressed with your Mum - must be a new lease of life for her!

If I got sick and couldn't pay my rent for a few months I am screwed. Tottally and utterly screwed - can't believe I have got this far in life without realising this!

My closest friend called last night in a panic. She had spent the weekend with her sister who got married in April last year and is happily playing house - my friend on the other hand is renting like me, single after a 4-year break up last June/July and is paniced about her future. She rang me in tears after her sister told her "lets talk about this some other time, just let me enjoy my married life" - or something to that affect.:(

Now - she and I are in a similar situation - same age / both renting / same organisation / both single and both debt free. We are concerned about our retirement to a certain extent and I had to soothe her and tell her that although we don't have a home now, we are in a good position to get one very soon and 35 years is a long time and we don't know what the future holds - then flash forward to this morning and I am talking to my 41 year old cousin who is being booted out of the only home she has really known because she wants to end an abusive marriage.

It's SO important to look after ourselves.
And I emphasis ourselves as our actions will have a ricochet affect for our nearest and dearest if the time comes when all hell lets loose..... It's very hard to imagine what is around the corner but many times I have read of one partner being made redundant and the other falling sick long-term dropping the household into absolute destitution. Imagine a 3-6 month contingency plan that's already in place, coupled with your already acquired frugal habits and ability to make that money stretch to 9 months - no stress / no anxiety? Just imagine??

I am a prepper - you all know that. But I don't just mean prepping for floods and zombies.. I mean for the immediate future. I honestly cannot wait until every one of you are debt free - then I will be setting up a challenge to "build you up" and together we can form an "against all odds" community instead...:):):)

But getting debt free has never been more important. Then we start putting a contingency plan in place. This will be on top of the basic budgetting like planning ahead for birthdays / anniversary's / Christmas / holidays and car insurance,MOT and tax renewals because that soon will be second nature and not something that has to be "ummmed and ahhh'd" about.

Soon we will be planning for the essentials which is the 2-5 year plan, the long-term savings plan (20years plus), the short term "I might lose my job" plan (3-6 months at least), the I've-been-made-redundant-what-skills-do-I-have-to-survivie-on plan. Hell why not the I-want-to-go-on-holiday-tomorrow plan??

And it's that plan for work that makes me think the most. What happens if I got sacked tomorrow? What skills do I have to get me a job that isn't just shelf stacking (although I would quite happily do that).. what skills should I start learning now that most places want and would be good to add to my CV..... so I am making a list..... because I am a bit of a saddo...:rotfl:

However I am sure you all know this - right?

Whats your plan?

PheoniX

Hullo peeps :wave:

Hope you are all fine and dandy..

Ooh this in an interesting discussion! Yes I agree that people should have their own contingency fund to fall back on when things go wrong. It is often these very sad situations that cause people to get into debt in the first place or make ones financial situation worse, increasing existing debt.

I have always been financially independant in relationships and wouldnt feel comfortable relying on a partners income. Independance and equality are important to me, not to the point that Im selfish as I am very generous with money, which has contributed to my debt without a doubt! :rotfl:

I first got into debt many moons ago when my ex (who was a sole home owner) and I separated. I was told by several people that I would be entitled to something as we had lived together for 7 years but I never pursued it because it didnt feel right and I didnt have the heart to do it after the splitting up ordeal I never contributed to the mortgage but I lived in a nice house and paid bills (which I would have done had I been renting anyway) and bought furniture, some of which I took. Maybe I was a fool to have not reclaimed my dues but I have no regrets to have come away from it with very little. At that time, my freedom was worth more than money and material things.

My current mortgage is tied with another ex! (My goodness I must sound a disaster with relationships but Im lovely really! ) However we are still very close, watching out for one another and are both very level headed and keen to keep the house as an investment since its doing well..

I am so grateful that with the help of this site and your challenges Kat I have had my eyes opened where money matters are concerned. As you also pointed out Stewby, I have become quite anxious about potential ill health or losing my job since repaying my debts.

Making sure there is some kind of nest egg or security to fall back on is important for everyone.. none of us have a crystal ball

NinjaSavingKat

Talking of unexpected weird accidents.....

Pheonix I like the fact you and your ex are on such good terms. It's a good thing to hang on to for the time being until one of you really needs the cash so to speak...

It's amazing finding out about peoples lives though. Thanks for sharing so far peeps. It's my pleasure to contribute.....