Potential new opportunity - causing problems!

pops5588

Acc72 wrote: »

How long have you been in your current job ?

You say that you realised last month that you were not happy ? (what was the trigger for this realisation?)

I've been there nearly a couple of years. I guess it's been a slow realisation. There have been a few issues, the office doesn't really function well and it's making it nearly impossible to do my job. The main thing that is actually getting to me at the moment is the "banter". There are things that are said about certain topics that I don't think are acceptable and I will not be able to suffer in silence for another couple of years.

Acc72 wrote: »

Is there anything you can do to improve your situation with your current employer ?

I don't think there is any changing him to be honest. I've tried to aid the situation with the functionality of the office but there are some things now that I don't believe can be altered as they are unfortunately in his attitude.

Acc72 wrote: »

You also need to be objective - you are making the assumption (as I have made in the past) that the current company / role are rubbish and the new role / company will be brilliant.

Unfortunately this is not always the case - unless the vacancy is due to business growth or internal promotion, then the likelihood is that the job is vacant because somebody has left - and why did they leave ?

Of course, I'm fully aware that my want for another job may make it look...overly shiny and new shall we say. Although I do know that the person transferred over because they opened a new office and some staff went over there.

Acc72 wrote: »

I don't mean to be negative, but you need to be sure before making any move to ensure that it is the right move for you.

Of course, and I really don't mind hearing it when it's said in a constructive, mature way. This is where it's failing slightly at home at the moment.

Acc72 wrote: »

There are also other issues within your posts - eg. you mention the independence of having your own car.

If you feel that you need more independence then you need to address this separately, and not hope that one issue will resolve another.

Oh I think it would be nice and relatively useful to have a car but I don't feel I need it when it comes to having independence socially. OH and I both have healthy social lives that sometimes involve each other, sometimes don't. A lot of the time my friends and I end up doing a little car-pool anyway when we go out and do things so the only thing that would change really is that occasionally it would be my turn.

Acc72 wrote: »

Finally ..... you do not mention any other family / childcare etc.

If you get a job that is "in the middle of nowhere" then you need to consider whether this will be an issue in the future.

I'm still unsure as to whether children will ever feature in our longterm plans to be honest though if they do of course it would be necessary and practical for us to both have a car. Although I like to think that when/if that time comes OH would actually get rid of his and replace it with something a little less boy-racer-ish and cheaper to run.

pops5588

FBaby wrote: »

Could he be worried that you over-estimate the good points of this job a bit like you did the one you are in now and therefore think you could find yourself still unhappy, but with even less money?

Absolutely and I'd completely understand if he said it to me like that. The problem is the conversation isn't happening like that. It comes across as "I know better than you" and it makes me feel irresponsible when in reality I know I'm not. I took care of the entire house-purchase process, I arrange and take care of all the bills, meter readings etc. so I can't be that irresponsible or he wouldn't want me to be in control of all those things!

claire16c

pops5588 wrote: »

Asking him that would trigger the kind of argument that I'm trying to avoid!

I know that if we were talking a shortfall of £50 a month he would probably be ok with it (or at least come round to the idea). It's a drop of £100 a month plus that he's concerned about

£100 isnt really that much if its only going to be for a few months and then you would be in a better job with better progression etc, and you arent on the breadline and can do without it.

Blimey my wage went from around £2.5k a month to less than £1k when I changed jobs because I hated my old one and just had to get out. DH told me to do whatever made me happy. One day I hope to go back to earning that sort of money and hopefully more, but for the past year for various reasons I could only do part time. As long as you can pay your mortgage and aren't putting yourself into difficulties hes being very short sighted.

pops5588 wrote: »

I know there's an annual bonus (I don't get that now) an annual pay review (don't get that now) 3% pension (don't get any pension now!) and the opportunity to go on training contracts to progress in the company. It's hard to dismiss it!

so dont then!

We could afford to go out more but we both wanted to put more money into doing up our house than going out every week. It takes about 40 minutes to walk from our house to his work and we were both walking in until the weather took a nasty turn, if he really wanted to save a chunk of money he could go back to walking...

pops5588 wrote: »

Although I like to think that when/if that time comes OH would actually get rid of his and replace it with something a little less boy-racer-ish and cheaper to run.

If he was that concerned then why isnt he offering to walk/taking a bus/changing his car IF you were to get this job? As you said your potential job had to be driven to.

Seems rather ridiculous hes probably wasting money on his type of car, and somewhere he could possibly walk to, yet thinks you shouldnt have one at all!

I wouldnt even be arguing about this, Id just be doing it.

Beckyy

Go to the interview and cross that bridge if it comes to it.

IMO you're just as entitled to have a car as he is, you earn your own money and can do with at you please just like he can have his boy toy car. Don't let his attitude put you off.

claire16c

In fact if hes only worried about money, why dont you suggest he lends you his car until he gets his pay rise if you were to get the job.

If hes only bothered about money he wont mind doing that will he

kataklysm

pops5588 wrote: »

I like to think that when/if that time comes OH would actually get rid of his and replace it with something a little less boy-racer-ish and cheaper to run.

Uuugh. Ok that's it Will explode if I don't say something.

Until recently, my other half and I car shared. It saved us almost £300 a month in fuel for 2 yrs, but his job was completely lousy. He's recently changed jobs to do what he's always wanted - but had to buy a rust bucket to commute in the opposite direction to me. So this change has cost us several hundred a month. Guess what else: we live in a house with no heating, drafts blowing through the patio doors, mould everywhere, credit cards to repay...

But my other half is far happier. I would not have tried to interfere with his career choices or tell him which opportunities he can look for and which he can't. It's simply not up to me. Yes, we have shared financial goals, but ultimately, where and how he earns his money is up to him as long as he's contributing fairly. We'll fix the patio door soon enough.

So without wanting to sound too dramatic, your bloke is being a bit of a berk. He can walk 40 mins to work, but couldn't possibly loan you 'his' car at least for the interim. The accountant in him can't stand to lose out on £100 a month, but he can somehow justify running a boy racer. His job is more important than your career... more important than your well being.. he's telling you what you can and cannot interview for.. telling you that he knows better than you, that your hopes are misplaced. He's making you question yourself and your confidence and your abilities. You're already saying you're not going to get the job anyway. Rubbish. This is not the definition of supportive.

Pops - this is your life. Let the teenager out. Interview for the job. They might love you so much, that if you turn them down because of transport issues, they come back with a higher offer. Then let your other half argue with them apples...

Good luck to you, and tell us how you get on.

Goldiegirl

Have to agree with Kataklysm.

I was reading this thread trying to see both sides, but it was the comment about the boy racer car that got to me.

If the OP is offered the job in the middle of nowhere, and feels it is the right job for her, then maybe now would be the time for the husband to give up the boy racer car, and get something more modest. That would enable to OP to also buy a modest car, and they'd probably be able to run the two cars almost for the cost of the one boy racer car.

If not, words like selfish control freak would spring to mind!

Mattygroves2

You haven't said what type of accountant he is (or is about to be). If he is working in practice then he will need a decent car (professional image) to travel to clients unless he's got a very strange role.

However, if he is in industry with a fixed place of work then there is a simple solution that I don't think has been suggested yet - you drop him off on your way to and from work. I wouldn't fancy a 40 minute walk in work clothes all year particularly (as is often the case with accountants) I had taken work home so had a lot of stuff to carry. There is a logic to this that he'll struggle to dispute.

As someone who has a OH who is into cars I'm afraid you'll find that if cars are his "thing" then I suspect he'll always have interesting cars rather than perhaps more practical ones. Once he is qualified then he will start to have the income to indulge further which sounds like it will cause tensions judging by your boy racer comment. You need to work out whether this is going to be a problem and how you're going to deal with it.

Hope the interview goes / went well and that you get offered the job. You then need a good chat about longer term goals and plans which should involve both your hopes and wishes.

Slinky

He values your happiness as being worth less than a fiver a day...........

I wouldn't be asking him, I'd be telling him, and if that didn't sort it, I'd be telling him to go sling his hook.....

£100 a month? You can't take it with you when you die.

Horace

Remember - office banter happens everywhere, you cannot really get away from it unless you become self employed.

£100 a month less well off is not bad in the scheme of things and this money could easily be saved if you shop well and don't waste food.

I think you should go to the interview and see what happens - you may or may not get offered the job so I think you are looking too far ahead at the moment. You are not after a rolls Royce but a small economical car so that you have some independence - you cannot rely on public transport these days and taxis are expensive. Maybe your OH having a car and you not is more about him having control over you and what you do because if you are reliant on public transport then you are also reliant on timetables - a car means more independence and the urge to roam further and visit friends and family more often.