Potential new opportunity - causing problems!

pops5588

I guess what I mean in terms of importance is that I know my job is also important, especially as at the moment OH and I are on the same amount of take home pay. However I am aware that in the future my job will be important more because of my self-worth whereas my OH's job will be important in a financial sense. My earning potential is limited.

I appreciate what you say marisco unfortunately most places I have tried to approach about work do not hold my qualifications in as high an esteem as you do! It's been very hard since leaving uni.

I don't want to paint OH in a bad light, he is a great guy. I think we both probably need to handle this situation better when it comes to discussing it, the only frustration I have is that he is quite stubborn in refusing to even admit that I have a couple of valid points. I'm happy to admit he does!

I think making a spreadsheet for each job is a good idea and will put it in a black and white format that OH would perhaps be more comfortable with. I will know more tomorrow anyway.

Person_one

pops5588 wrote: »

I do hear what you guys are saying when you ask "why is his job more important that yours?" etc. Unfortunately it is, and I fully accept that.

I thought you said he was an accountant.

Ask him outright why your happiness and mental health come so much further down his list of priorities than having more money. That's what he's telling you. It doesn't matter that this thing will make you happier, it might cost him a few pennies so he doesn't want you to have that.

pops5588

Person_one wrote: »

I thought you said he was an accountant.

Ask him outright why your happiness and mental health come so much further down his list of priorities than having more money. That's what he's telling you. It doesn't matter that this thing will make you happier, it might cost him a few pennies so he doesn't want you to have that.

Asking him that would trigger the kind of argument that I'm trying to avoid!

I know that if we were talking a shortfall of £50 a month he would probably be ok with it (or at least come round to the idea). It's a drop of £100 a month plus that he's concerned about.

I am unhappy in my current job, but I can keep going for the time being until the right job comes along. My last job really was hell on earth and severely affected my mental health, I know that I'm nowhere near that place. I think if OH could see I was back there his attitude wouldn't be as rigid on the matter. I'd like to think so anyway!

Mattygroves2

But he's not saying that her happiness isn't important -he is just saying that it doesn't make sense financially to go for this interview. He seems to be happy for her to go for the other one -which is the one the OP thinks she wants anyway.

I'd tell him that you are going to the first one for practice and then if you get offered it (and it's the one you want) then do the spreadsheet thing with all the details on it. By the sound of it there may be advantages / opportunities that you don't know about yet that you may be able to factor in.

When you do your spreadsheet don't forget all the costs of running a car. It sounds like he could get sidetracked on the "you've forgotten the parking when you visit X" when you discuss it and miss the bigger picture and you won't get the result you want ! I'm a (female) accountant and I think we can be very predictable at times.

Unless you're in London or another big city then you'll end up with two cars at some point anyway so you will face the decision at some point. Unless you'll be getting a big pay rise if you move jobs then if you can only afford one meal out a month (and you need vouchers) then I would also be worried about the cost of a second car. However, if things are only that tight because you're saving a lot then it is a difficult proposition.

Person_one

pops5588 wrote: »

Asking him that would trigger the kind of argument that I'm trying to avoid!

Why are you trying to avoid that argument? You might need to have it, get it all out and find out why he feels this way. Does he even realise what message this is sending you and how bad he's making you feel?

How much do you share finances?

pops5588

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

I'd tell him that you are going to the first one for practice and then if you get offered it (and it's the one you want) then do the spreadsheet thing with all the details on it. By the sound of it there may be advantages / opportunities that you don't know about yet that you may be able to factor in.

I know there's an annual bonus (I don't get that now) an annual pay review (don't get that now) 3% pension (don't get any pension now!) and the opportunity to go on training contracts to progress in the company. It's hard to dismiss it!

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

When you do your spreadsheet don't forget all the costs of running a car. It sounds like he could get sidetracked on the "you've forgotten the parking when you visit X" when you discuss it and miss the bigger picture and you won't get the result you want ! I'm a (female) accountant and I think we can be very predictable at times.

The building has free parking, my friend has a little Peugeot 107 which she pays £20 annual road tax and it costs £40 to fill up the tank. I know there is MOTs and stuff too but I really have tried to think it through.

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

Unless you're in London or another big city then you'll end up with two cars at some point anyway so you will face the decision at some point. Unless you'll be getting a big pay rise if you move jobs then if you can only afford one meal out a month (and you need vouchers) then I would also be worried about the cost of a second car. However, if things are only that tight because you're saving a lot then it is a difficult proposition.

We could afford to go out more but we both wanted to put more money into doing up our house than going out every week. It takes about 40 minutes to walk from our house to his work and we were both walking in until the weather took a nasty turn, if he really wanted to save a chunk of money he could go back to walking...

pops5588

Person_one wrote: »

Why are you trying to avoid that argument? You might need to have it, get it all out and find out why he feels this way. Does he even realise what message this is sending you and how bad he's making you feel?

How much do you share finances?

If the argument is going to happen I would rather it happen after the interview when I would know better what I'm dealing with in terms of salary and whether they even want me.

We don't have a joint account. We 50/50 all bills and mortgage and they come out of my account. When his pay goes up this will be adjusted.

Acc72

How long have you been in your current job ?

You say that you realised last month that you were not happy ? (what was the trigger for this realisation?).

Is there anything you can do to improve your situation with your current employer ?

You also need to be objective - you are making the assumption (as I have made in the past) that the current company / role are rubbish and the new role / company will be brilliant.

Unfortunately this is not always the case - unless the vacancy is due to business growth or internal promotion, then the likelihood is that the job is vacant because somebody has left - and why did they leave ?

I don't mean to be negative, but you need to be sure before making any move to ensure that it is the right move for you.

There are also other issues within your posts - eg. you mention the independence of having your own car.

If you feel that you need more independence then you need to address this separately, and not hope that one issue will resolve another.

Finally ..... you do not mention any other family / childcare etc.

If you get a job that is "in the middle of nowhere" then you need to consider whether this will be an issue in the future.

FBaby

Could he be worried that you over-estimate the good points of this job a bit like you did the one you are in now and therefore think you could find yourself still unhappy, but with even less money?

Still, nothing is guaranteed and you have to go for what you think is right. He needs to remember that a job is not just a decision to better oneself in the short-term but also longer term.

I do agree with you, not worth the argument now. Go to the interview and see how things are, you never know you could have a change of heart. I did recently, applied to what I thought was the perfect job in every way, yet got very bad vibes at the interview over a number of things. I ended up deciding that I wouldn't take it even if was offered. It wasn't!

PlymouthMaid

Hmm always difficult when there are two potential jobs to weigh up. If there was only one job (the one needing the car) would your husband still be saying don't go for it?

I am all for discussing life moves with partners/husbands but I don't think I would let him actually tell me what I should do.