Potential new opportunity - causing problems!

pops5588

Just need a bit of a vent really.

I love my OH and he is very supportive and a wonderful man. However a situation has come up recently that has left us at a bit of a stalemate to the point where we can't even discuss it because it just causes problems.

I realised early last month that I'm not happy in my job. It hasn't evolved into the role that it was suggested it would, it doesn't hold any of the long-term prospects for me that I thought it would and I hate the feeling of getting up in the morning and dreading going to work. I want to work hard, I want to feel that I really earn my money and I also want to enjoy it. So I decided, with my OH's support, to start looking for jobs elsewhere.

I have two interviews lined up for this week. One tomorrow and one on thursday. Tomorrows job is in the middle of nowhere, and this is how the problem has arisen. I can drive, I just don't have a car. They are expensive to run, it's never really been a necessity for me to have one as OH and I have always been able to get by with just him having his car. If I got this job, I would HAVE to buy a car. This is a big expense and although the salary is higher at this new place, we both know that I would probably end up with less money in my pocket overall.

OH thinks (quite emphatically) on this basis that I shouldn't even consider it. However I've tried explaining that although in the short term things may be a bit tighter for us, in the long term being in this job would be better for my sanity and future opportunities. I'm much more likely to get an annual pay review with a company of this stature, and I'm more likely to be offered progression within the company. On top of this OH's pay will immediately go up considerably later on this year when he qualifies as a chartered accountant so while there may be a slight shortfall it would only be for the best part of this year.

I've also tried pointing out to him that there is no point arguing about it because they may turn around after the interview and say they don't even want me, so what's the point of wasting time arguing about it when it may come to nothing?

Just feeling frazzled. He thinks I'm so unhappy in my current job that I'm prepared to grab the first thing that comes along which isn't true but I don't seem able to convince him. Truth be told if I had to choose between the two jobs I'm interviewing for this week I'd rather have the Thursday one, but I don't even know what the salary is yet! One of those "competitive package" ones...

whodathunkit

I'd just refuse to discuss it at the moment as it's a waste of both your times and energy until you know whether you're offered either job.

krustylouise

It is a waste of time arguing about it now. I would still go to the interview, if nothing else it's more experience being interviewed {don't mean to sound patronising} Personally I do think you have to speculate to accumulate and if you have to pay for a car now and run it, it would pay for itself in the long run when you're working there, promoted and on a better wage.

Counting_Pennies_2

He is an accountant so will naturally look at things in a money sense so might take a while to think of emotions and wellbeing.


Personally I think it is very healthy in a freedom sense for you to have separate cars.
See how the interview goes and if you get the job talk it through even more then.
You might need to do a pro and con spreadsheet he might be able to look at things more clearly in this way than talking about it.
Ultimately it is what will make you happy, and that it is a decision you are both comfortable making.

claire16c

Seems rather silly to me not to consider it if it's going to be a good job just because you'd need to buy a car. In that case your OH should be getting a job that doesn't need a car either. It's pretty usual to drive to work, it's not like you're needing to buy a space ship!

My DH walks to work but if a great opportunity came up that meant we'd need to buy a second car we'd make it work.

pops5588

I have tried saying that while I would be paying to run the car, I would no longer spend the money on trains and buses every time I visit my mum and grandparents, which tends to be once a week... it's not much but still counts.

I think you're right about the accountant thing Counting_Pennies. I may have to look for ways to appeal to his financial side...maybe that he would spend less on petrol driving me around....

Mr_Toad

He might be your OH but it's still your life and sanity. Go for the interview and if it's what you want take the job.

Joint decisions don't mean that he makes the choices and you do as you're told. It sounds to me as if he is very controlling in an I'm an accountant and I know best sort of way.

Get the job then simply tell him it's what you want and as he's the accountant he can find the way to make it work.

If he get's snotty just remind him it's a partnership, not a dictatorship.

marisco_2

Is your budget that tight that it couldn't cope with a slight drop in your total income for a while? I have always been of the thinking that 'from little acorns, great oak trees grow'. From what you have advised here you are not just trying to grab the first opportunity that comes along. Nor do you have a 'to hell with how this impacts your joint lifestyle' approach either. If you did then I could understand your OH being so emphatically against the idea of this job.

As it is you have looked on this opportunity with a long term view and can see the potential that it offers you. I am going to go against the grain here and suggest that you really need to try and talk this through again with your OH. You are clearly an astute and intelligent person and if this company decide that you could be an asset to their team then they may well offer you the position. Far better to be on the same page over this beforehand than trying to bring him round to your way of thinking when a job offer is on the table.

trinity_enigma

I take it he drives to his work at the moment otherwise you would have use of this car? What makes him think his job is more worthy than yours in terms of car use? Is there any way he could get a lift or a bus to work himself in order to free up the car for you? Would he be willing to change his car to something more economical freeing up a bit of cash for a second car. You shouldn't have to make all the sacrifices- he should help you where possible if it is important to you.

BitterAndTwisted

How would he feel about lengthening his working day by getting you to work and then picking you up at the end of every day? Or you doing the same for him day-in and day-out?

Seems to me that his qualifying for his accounting exams might be more important to him than your own long-term prospects. Still, if a second car can be afforded out of your own salary then you should be able to choose to spend it if it won't compromise the overall household budget.

But I agree, perhaps this conversation should be put on "hold" until you know whether you've been offered this role or not.

getmore4less

Whats your housing situation?

perhaps throw in the if I can't have a car we will have to move closer or to XXXX where there is public transport route.


Is it the sort of place that will have others working there that live near you or will drive near your place, car sharing may be an option.