Potential new opportunity - causing problems!

bagpussbear

I'm with your husband on this (sorry!)

Seems too much hassle in my opinion, especialy given you have another interview Thursday and you are obviously capable and skilled enough to secure interviews quite quickly it would appear.

You say:

"would be better for my sanity and future opportunities. I'm much more likely to get an annual pay review with a company of this stature, and I'm more likely to be offered progression within the company".

Well that's just assumption isn't it? you are going to the expense of having a new car, having things tight financially (ok at least for a while) on the assumption things will go ok in the months ahead. What if they don't?

I guess it depends on how much a risk taker you are, I personally wouldn't when there is an another possible option ahead, but I know everyone is differnet.

Personally, it's not worth the row with your hubby or the expense. Go to Thursday's interview instead, and keep applying for other positions.

Whatever you decide to do though, good luck :-)

Noctu

If your OH isn't happy with two cars and thinks it's perfectly acceptable for one of you to take public transport to work or rely on lifts etc, maybe he should give up his car?

Tongue in cheek comment...

If my OH told me I couldn't go for a certain job because I didn't have a car, even if we could afford it, I would tell him to get stuffed... particularly as it would give me the freedom to do other things like visit friends and family, go shopping etc much easier.

SavingPennies_2

Depends on the financial situation. If things are really tight and your going to have to take out a big car loan I can see his point.

However if you can afford two cars then I really can't see his problem.

Is he normally worried about expenses/money? i.e: is it about you having a car? or is it about the money?

peachyprice

pops5588 wrote: »

I may have to look for ways to appeal to his financial side...maybe that he would spend less on petrol driving me around....

The company may do a car purchase scheme, lots of big companies do.

pops5588

Thanks for all the replies everyone, where to start!

@bagpussbear - No need to apologise! I do understand where he's coming from, I think we both have valid points but unfortunately when he goes into critical parent mode I end up in stroppy teenager mode and it goes downhill.

@getmore4less - We are homeowners so moving isn't an option really, no way am I going through that stress again for at least 6 years!

@marisco - our budget isn't too bad but it is slightly restrictive. It could definitely be done, but it would be a bit tighter and harder to save up for bigger projects like a new bathroom. We have enough spare money at the moment to have a meal out (with a voucher) every month and to do various bits and pieces to the house.

His exams are definitely very important to him but I totally back him on that. He's worked very hard and deserves to do well. I do hear what you guys are saying when you ask "why is his job more important that yours?" etc. Unfortunately it is, and I fully accept that.

I am one of the many people who went off to uni in 2007 believing I had the luxury of choosing any subject I wanted and being ok, but by the time I came out the other end we were in a recession. I could only get my old holiday job back on 12 hours a week. Believe me no one is sadder about that than me, but it's the hand I've been dealt and I've done the best I can with it. I managed to get out of retail and get a few more skills and jobs are definitely easier to get and find now than they were for me then, but the fact of the matter is unless I go back to studying something else my earning potential will always be relatively limited. This just isn't true of my OH. He chose a different path and hopefully will reap the rewards financially in the future. He will probably always offer us more security financially than I can. Just the way it is.

Having said that, I still like to work. I like earning my own money and contributing to our home and our life together. I just need to be happy while doing it.

pops5588

peachyprice wrote: »

The company may do a car purchase scheme, lots of big companies do.

Thanks for that, I'll make a note of it and see what I can find out.

pops5588

SavingPennies wrote: »

Depends on the financial situation. If things are really tight and your going to have to take out a big car loan I can see his point.

However if you can afford two cars then I really can't see his problem.

Is he normally worried about expenses/money? i.e: is it about you having a car? or is it about the money?

We're not on the breadline, he is just quite frugal. We don't have a massive amount left after paying the mortgage and bills but it's enough to be comfortable.

It's not about me having a car, I know this would be an issue to do with control and he's really not like that. It is purely the money aspect of it.

fannyanna

I can see this from both sides. As I think only one other person has "sided" with your OH I thought I'd add some points that might be more aligned with his perspective.

It sounds like having to purchase a second car is likely to cause financial issues (or at least make things tight). Some people are very stressed out at the thought of finances being tight and you've said that he is frugal so I am presuming this would be applicable to him.

So in resolving your problem (finding a new job because your current one makes you unhappy) you are potentially creating a problem for him (the stress of worrying about finances).

Yes, couples should try to support each other but in your situation it could be viewed that the strain is being taken away from you and put onto him.

Just a thought.

Prothet_of_Doom

pops5588 wrote: »

He thinks I'm so unhappy in my current job that I'm prepared to grab the first thing that comes along which isn't true but I don't seem able to convince him. ...

He might be a little right here, but so what. The worst thing anyone ever said to me when I hated my job and wanted to move was "At least you have a job" (And I moved into a job that was too far to travel, and used "Man Maths" to prove to myself that we'd be better off)

He's an accountant, and he sees life as a series of balance sheets, jobs, and enjoying work, is not relevant to him.

To win him around use the old SWOT chart, and do one for each of the 3 jobs (the one you have plus the other 2), and he'll come around.

marisco_2

pops5588 wrote: »

I do hear what you guys are saying when you ask "why is his job more important that yours?" etc. Unfortunately it is, and I fully accept that.

Why do you fully accept that your partners job is more important than yours? You have a university education behind you and have gained a degree. Did you achieve all that only to end up with a future partner who tries to restrict you, and makes you feel that you have to put his career ahead of your own?

Most people spend 40+ hours a week in work. So why should only one of you be happy and fulfilled, doing something you enjoy for that amount of time. If this was a healthy relationship then you would both be equals to each other, and he would be happy to look at finding ways to keep a healthy balance to life both professionally and personally. From what you have disclosed on this thread this is not happening.

OP ask yourself this; how would he react to you putting unnecessary obstacles in the way, of him pursuing a job opportunity that he knew had great long term prospects? Would he sit back and accept this, reasoning your needs and wants should come above his own? Or would he expect to be able to discuss this with you as an adult, have his opinions heard as well as taking on board yours, and then reach an agreement that you both felt happy with? Something tells me it would be the latter option if this situation were reversed.