Ex Partner wanting Parental Responsibility 10 years after split

GeraldineA

What do I want as a resolution? I want my daughter to carry on seeing her Dad and his family on an occasional basis, when it fits in with her other commitments. She likes seeing them, particularly her little half-sister and I would like them to have a relationship, even if it is just when her Gran is able to arrange for them all to be together.

I don't want to have to pay hundreds of pounds to a mediation company, I don't want to have to go to court, I don't want my daughter to have to be put through the court process.

I do want my ex and his wife to acknowledge that I'm not the bitter vindictive cow that they have told everyone I am and that their failure to see my daughter has been their decision, not mine. I do want them to agree not to slag me off to my daughter.

I'd quite like him to pay back the thousands of pounds he owes me from debts of his that I paid off when he initially moved in with me many years ago, but that's another story!

Mojisola

GeraldineA wrote: »

What do I want as a resolution? I want my daughter to carry on seeing her Dad and his family on an occasional basis, when it fits in with her other commitments. She likes seeing them, particularly her little half-sister and I would like them to have a relationship, even if it is just when her Gran is able to arrange for them all to be together.

This should be achievable.

I don't want to have to pay hundreds of pounds to a mediation company, I don't want to have to go to court, I don't want my daughter to have to be put through the court process.

You probably will have to go to mediation to achieve the first paragraph.

I do want my ex and his wife to acknowledge that I'm not the bitter vindictive cow that they have told everyone I am and that their failure to see my daughter has been their decision, not mine. I do want them to agree not to slag me off to my daughter.

I'd quite like him to pay back the thousands of pounds he owes me from debts of his that I paid off when he initially moved in with me many years ago, but that's another story!

These would be lovely but don't expect them to happen!

mum2one

Big hugs - So sorry it has come to this, xx

Rottensocks

Given the age of your daughter, PR isn't going to mean all that much anyway - she's at an age where increasingly, she is going to start making her own decisions.

That being the case, haggling over alternate boxing days etc etc isn't really appropriate: initial contact frequency should be up to your daughter, and that's the line I would take in mediation and in court, if it gets that far. Very few kids that age will willingly agree to every other weekend 3 hours away.....

Be intersting to see what he wants on a parenting plan, given the frequency of contact!

GeraldineA

I've still not heard anything directly from my ex and his wife, since January. We've agreed to go the mediation, as long as it is held locally to us. My ex has told the mediation people that he and his wife will go along with this and that my husband can participate too.

I've not heard back from the mediation service yet, so no progress. My ex is not responding to any of my attempts to contact him to organise another visit.

He will already know from his Mum that our daughter is going to her house for a long weekend at the beginning of the next holidays, so he may visit her then. He does prefer to see her when someone else is doing all the organising, cooking and paying for everything so it generally suits him to see her at his Mum's house.

So really not much is happening, I've done my best not to get too stressed about it all. If we do get as far as mediation, then I am thinking of offering him a plan for however many visits he want for the next 12 months. If he keeps to every single one, then I will agree to him having parental responsibility. I think that is a fair offer.

If he makes one of his usual excuses, then that's that, he will not be getting PR without going to court. And I mean it, whether his other child has a cold, his wife is pregnant again, one of her relatives has died, I don't care really - he needs to put his daughter first for the times he has committed to her.

theoretica

GeraldineA wrote: »

My ex is not responding to any of my attempts to contact him to organise another visit.

I hope you have documentation of this. It might be useful if you can prove it.

GeraldineA

theoretica wrote: »

I hope you have documentation of this. It might be useful if you can prove it.

It's difficult to prove a negative but I have got copies of all the emails that I've sent to him. He has definitely received them, as he topped up our daughter's mobile after I sent him an email saying that I'd topped it up last time and couldn't afford to again. He was the one that wanted her to have a mobile, so I was expecting him to do this automatically. Anyone he did do the top up, so he received the email, just didn't bother to reply to the other part, which asked when he would like to see her.

GeraldineA

I've just gone through old emails and texts, then written up a long list of all the times we've agreed contact and when they have / haven't stuck to it, plus the many gaps when they effectively disappeared without warning.

It was depressing reading it all. At least I feel prepared now, just wait and see what happens next.

Mojisola

GeraldineA wrote: »

I've just gone through old emails and texts, then written up a long list of all the times we've agreed contact and when they have / haven't stuck to it, plus the many gaps when they effectively disappeared without warning.

It was depressing reading it all. At least I feel prepared now, just wait and see what happens next.

Add to that what emails you sent and make of note of the ones not replied to.

GeraldineA

Mojisola wrote: »

Add to that what emails you sent and make of note of the ones not replied to.

Yes I will do. It kind of looks petty, all the "he emailed, I responded" but it's the only way I can show how they've made these promises repeatedly in the past but then given up after a few months.