Ex Partner wanting Parental Responsibility 10 years after split

georgiesmum

Think you are worring over nothing. he will prsumably have to get a solicitor and when he finds he will have to shell out he will most likely forget the whole idea.Can't see him going back and forwards to get her either.
Trying to impress his new in laws.

GeraldineA

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I believe (and I stand to be corrected) that you have to have PR to enable you to apply for a Contact Order - is that what your ex is doing?

He hasn't mentioned a Contact Order. He did mention a Parenting Plan that would be lodged with the court. The irony is that this is exactly what I wanted him to do 9 years - mediation to agree a regular contact schedule that he then should stick to. In theory I've no objection to a schedule now, just concerns about the frequency he is talking about.

We didn't inform my ex when my husband was granted PR. I didn't have his address at the time. I hadn't heard from him for a year and presumed that he didn't want to be involved in our daughter's life. My daughter has also changed her surname to my married surname, she previously had my maiden name. She told her Dad and Gran about this herself as she was excited about it. She wanted to have the same name as the rest of us, so I couldn't see any reason to refuse her.

I'm going to wait and see what my ex does next, if anything. I'll have a talk with my friend who is a solicitor at some point, but think you've all given me a good picture of the legal side, e.g. he would probably be given PR if he went to court.

We don't want my husband to adopt our daughter. That would mean that she was no longer part of her birth family and I don't think that would be right. She is the apple of her Gran's eye and I want her to continue to have a relationship with them all.

What I don't want to happen is, my ex and his wife starting seeing her twice a month for a few months, then to miss a month because the baby is ill / his wife is pregnant again / it's a friend's stag do that weekend etc. This is what has happened over and over again in the past. I had to try to explain to my daughter why her Dad hadn't come to see her and bring her her Christmas presents (a week after Christmas) when he'd rung up and told her that he would. It's so hard seeing your child disappointed like this. I don't want to have to do this repeatedly for the next 6-7 years.

GeraldineA

barbiedoll wrote: »

Call me an old cynic but isn't your daughter just about the right age to be babysitting?

Maybe that's why they are suddenly so keen to have her visiting for half of the school holidays?

Oh gosh I hope not. My daughter would dress up the poor little baby, feed her chocolate biscuits then get bored and go off and watch TV! Given that they both don't work, I don't think this is their motivation, it's an interesting point though.

GobbledyGook

Just to say even if your DD gets disappointed by her father over the next few years she will bounce back.

I lost count of how many times my parents were going to get clean, were going to sort themselves out and be parents to my brother and I.

Yes it was bitterly disappointing every Christmas that passed and nothing had changed, but you know the one thing that sticks out is the fact that my Grandparents never said 'no that's never going to happen'.

As much as possible they would protect us - so if Mum phoned and said she was going to send Christmas presents they simply didn't tell us. If any came it was a bonus.

You can only protect your daughter to a certain extent. You've also got to give her father enough room to pass or fail in her eyes. She does need to make her own mind up on him otherwise you risk the 'you stopped my Dad from seeing me' line.

It's not going to be easy, but I'm sure you'll get through it just as well as you have done. I'd keep a note of every contact you have from him - especially things like him wanting to take her and it having to be declined because she had something on already. Also note all the times he knows your daughter is available.

barbiedoll

GeraldineA wrote: »

Oh gosh I hope not. My daughter would dress up the poor little baby, feed her chocolate biscuits then get bored and go off and watch TV! Given that they both don't work, I don't think this is their motivation, it's an interesting point though.

Just because they don't work (alright for some!), doesn't mean that they don't want to go out at night. If they go on holiday, having your daughter there means that they can have a drink, maybe go for a meal alone, etc etc. I'm not saying that's the case, I don't know them obviously. But she is of an age where they may think that they can rely on her if they want to let their hair down.

Something to think about maybe?

mum2one

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I believe (and I stand to be corrected) that you have to have PR to enable you to apply for a Contact Order - is that what your ex is doing?

You dont need PR for a contact order, an indirect order can be given to a parent without PR, not sure whether this applies to direct contact. Seems weird,, but true x

mum2one

georgiesmum wrote: »

Think you are worring over nothing. he will prsumably have to get a solicitor and when he finds he will have to shell out he will most likely forget the whole idea.Can't see him going back and forwards to get her either.
Trying to impress his new in laws.

Even thou he is unemployed, he wont be entitled to legal aid and to see a case through that can be difficult could run into 15k......

Ms_Chocaholic

mum2one wrote: »

You dont need PR for a contact order, an indirect order can be given to a parent without PR, not sure whether this applies to direct contact. Seems weird,, but true x

If you have PR then applying for a CO is simple, if you don't have PR (even though you are still the child's parent) you have to apply for leave of the Court to apply for a CO - I assume if you want direct contact.

squirrelchops

[QUOTE=GeraldineA;64684716


As I said, my husband has parental responsibility for my daughter. We had to fill in some forms, show our marriage certificate and it was sent back as granted. It's relatively straightforward for step-parents to get PR like this. This was 7 years ago.[/QUOTE]

Err, no it isn't usually as easy for step parents to get PR as easily as this. Ex and father of child would have to have been consulted.........

Nowadays step parents often apply for an adoption order to get PR. Other ways are via a parental responsibility agreement but to my knowledge father of child and he who had PR would have had to have agreed.

GeraldineA

squirrelchops wrote: »

Err, no it isn't usually as easy for step parents to get PR as easily as this. Ex and father of child would have to have been consulted.........

Nowadays step parents often apply for an adoption order to get PR. Other ways are via a parental responsibility agreement but to my knowledge father of child and he who had PR would have had to have agreed.

You are incorrect. If the birth father does not have Pr, the mother of a child can sign a step parent parental responsibility form and that will grant pr to the step parent. See section 4A1a of the Children Act 1989. This form then needs to be taken to a local county court, checked by a clerk, along with id for the mother, stepparent and child plus wedding certificate. We didn't even need an appointment. The pr agreement then comes back in the post.