Daughter's friend

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

It looks like you dont want him over and nothing anyone might say about them just being platonic friends is going to change your mind.

Just be aware that the message you could be giving out to your daughter is one of I dont trust you.

??


Actually I do want him to stay over, that's why I asked for some opinions?


If I didn't care/ didn't want to I would even be asking.

paulineb_2

I wonder what would happen if one of the large group of friends decided she was gay or bisexual?

You cant account for every single eventuality. At some point you have to have faith in your daughters choices and trust her.

You also say he spends time at your house during the day in your daughters bedroom, whats the difference? You obviously trust them enough to allow that.

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

??


Actually I do want him to stay over, that's why I asked for some opinions?


If I didn't care/ didn't want to I would even be asking.

But you dont sound as if you are going to allow it to happen to be quite honest, you sound as if you are looking for excuses not to have him to stay over.

peachyprice

thatgirlsam wrote: »

??


Actually I do want him to stay over, that's why I asked for some opinions?


If I didn't care/ didn't want to I would even be asking.

But you still can't get past 'he's a boy, she's a girl, they're going to experiment'.

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

But you dont sound as if you are going to allow it to happen to be quite honest, you sound as if you are looking for excuses not to have him to stay over.

I think I am going to let him


It shouldn't matter what other people think. The most important thing is my dd and her friend. I hate the thought of him being excluded. He is a lovely kid.

thatgirlsam

peachyprice wrote: »

But you still can't get past 'he's a boy, she's a girl, they're going to experiment'.

Yes, I can.


I'm sure I can. I just wanted some opinions on it. Which I got. Thanks

peachyprice

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Yes, I can.


I'm sure I can. I just wanted some opinions on it. Which I got. Thanks

Good for you! I'm sure they're both lovely kids and won't do anything to disappoint you.

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

I actually think that if someone is sure about their sexuality and at 14 you can be, its not too young, that it wouldnt matter if your best friend tried to sleep with you, you'd still say no. If hes gay, he wont be attracted to women, full stop, he wont want to sleep with a female.

What if she wants to sit and watch a movie and have a chat with her pal and eat some Doritos?

Just because two teens might have sex, doesnt mean they are going to.

I have friends who at 14/18/21 were positive of their sexuality yet feel differently later in life.

Personally, I think for some of us sexuality is more fluid. I think my default' has adapted over time but not dramatically.

But I don't think any of that matters in ths instance. I disagree that at 14 she should trust entirely till she has no reason to. I do think kids need independence and freedoms, but they also need parents. That's why I think ( and its easier to say al, this as a non parent) I'd be cool with the sleep overs but I wouldn't be cool with no rules...and actually, that's nothing to do with gender) .


In many instances ( though I doubt this one) trusting til you have reason not to is when significant pain has been suffered by the young person tha they could have been guided through.

GobbledyGook

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I think a lot of her. I really do. She is an amazing girl.


Its not that I think she would try it on, just that things can happen and I think its perfectly normal for teenagers to experiment.


I don't get why you think that just because she may choose to experiment with a boy (gay, straight or bisexual) that she is some kind of lust fuelled being ready to jump on anything that moves!


They have an incredibly close relationship and I can't rule out the fact that they may try stuff together.. It doesn't make her untrustworthy. It makes her normal.

If your daughter and this boy are lusty teenagers who want with experiment to each other; and are happy to risk doing that under your roof then surely it's much more likely to happen when they are in her room alone in the day than on a sleepover with other girls around?

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

I have friends who at 14/18/21 were positive of their sexuality yet feel differently later in life.

Personally, I think for some of us sexuality is more fluid. I think my default' has adapted over time but not dramatically.

But I don't think any of that matters in ths instance. I disagree that at 14 she should trust entirely till she has no reason to. I do think kids need independence and freedoms, but they also need parents. That's why I think ( and its easier to say al, this as a non parent) I'd be cool with the sleep overs but I wouldn't be cool with no rules...and actually, that's nothing to do with gender) .


In many instances ( though I doubt this one) trusting til you have reason not to is when significant pain has been suffered by the young person tha they could have been guided through.

I didnt say anything about no rules. And what I meant about trusting until you have reason not to doesnt mean that you give a teen absolute freedom with no boundaries

My mum trusted me. I didnt abuse her trust. She was less strict that some parents I knew, but she was a good parent. Some parents of people both I went to school with and my brother went to school with were extremely strict and some of those teens went off the rails. Neither of us did.

Of course there will be every single scenario in between. What I meant was you trust your offspring, they break the trust and then you review it. Certainly not about having no rules.