The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

vesper

Happy Birthday for tomorrow Code!!
I hate that internal ticking clock and I'm only 30. All I hear is tick tick, but OH is 38 and he says he hears it too.


Been trying to explain to OH that he needs to lose weight as well, although he is under the BMI he needs to be for the area we live in to be eligible for help (no idea how as he is quite a large man). I think it is best that he loses some weight. I am not very diplomatic however, so he is now in a huff as he's took it that I have said he's fat (well he is, that much is a fact, but diabetes is in his family so did try some shock tactics). I doubt it will work, as I think the pull of the canteen at work is too much for him, luckily his promotion means that he is going onto nights and the canteen is shut then, so no temptation of greasy breakfasts.


Looks as though our house move is happening at the end of next month, so I am going to be moving a bit further away from my friends (not far though). Its a bit of a pain as right now I am only about 3 miles from the hospital, but will be nearly 20 soon.


I am scared right now, I have been informed that our local NHS will find any excuse to refuse help with IVF. I have a horrid feeling that they will soon find something to put the kibosh on any plans. I have a history (not for 3 years however) of severe depression. Can anyone help me with what they look into with referring? I know all the normal criteria I have to match, bmi sub 30, age, etc etc. But what else do they look at?

claretsgirl

Happy Birthday Code!! X
Vesper, sorry no advice I'm afraid. I have no experience with IVF criteria. ((Hugs)).
Very sad this morning. I have to get my dog PTS. :-(
So sorry to read your news Floaty.
Fingers tightly crossed for any PUPO ladies. X

Wonder_Woman

Lauren, thanks. It still hasn't sunk in! I'm afraid I don't know anything about Clomid.x

Oh claretsgirl I'm so sorry, we had to do the same a couple weeks back. It breaks your heart but try to focus on what a great life you've given them. Even the end is easier for them with you there.x

Happy birthday Code _party_ x I'm sure it's a natural reaction to feel that way whatever your circumstances. Do you have anything planned? *hugs*

Vesper in our experience the main things they seemed concerned with were whether either if us already had any children or had any convictions for harming children. That was about it from memory. I don't think your depression (esp in the past) would count against you x

Skaps & Emmaj hope you're both ok - you must be almost at OTD now!x

fluffnutter

codemonkey wrote: »

Oh this is a difficult one. I turn 35 tomorrow and normally, I'm not a big fan of my birthday anyway, and I am really struggling. Because it's 35!! 35!!! That big, screaming, flashing cut off that we're told about in every article about fertility. Where we're told that our fertility jumps off the cliff, like so many lemmings, where we're told our remaining eggs are all defective anyway.

But, we can't have a baby due to DH's lack of sperm anyway, so whether my eggs are fertile are not should be irrelevant right? Why is it bothering me so much?

Anyone else struggle with this?

Of course. I struggled with every single birthday and, like you say, 35 was a bit of a media milestone.

Interestingly, it's all ABSOLUTE RUBBISH. This figure has been bandied around for decades despite there being no data to back it up, or no relevant data, shall I say.

The original 'fertility declines at 35' maxim was predicated on a French study from the 19th century. It has no more relevance to today's woman than looking at mediaeval syphilis rates.

Fertility doesn't decline at 35, not significantly anyway. The chances of a pregnancy in a 39 year old woman without fertility issues is about one percentage point lower than for a 31 year old woman. It's not until 40+ that significant declines are seen.

Obviously these statistics are for fertile women. You see less women in their late 30s having children because, naturally, a larger proportion will have fertility problems (which is why they've not already had children). The samples of childless women at 25 and at 39 will have very different make ups, but it does not follow that age is the cause of the fertility problems.

That's obviously the more significant factor for you, code, as it was for me - we both have fertility problems in our relationships, something I wish I could help you with and sadly can't.

But for others reading and worrying about approaching the second half of your 30s, don't! Your age is not yet a factor. Keep the hope alive x

emmaj30

Thanks to everyone that has wished me luck over the past four weeks regarding ivf treatment..
It is a positive and I am very excited but due to previous disappointments will be keeping it very low key over the next 8 weeks and hopefully sustain this pregnancy..
Wishing every single one of you the best of luck and fingers crossed esp you skaps (hope today was good for you) and floaty (for your next journey)

Xxxxx

Wonder_Woman

Emmaj that's fantastic! Congratulations Its hard to take in right? Wishing you a super easy, uneventful 8 months!!xxx

skaps

Congratulations EmmaJ. hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months. Xxx

It was a positive for me too!!! I'm like u excited but nervous too. I've never been pregnant before so it's a shock. I've been waiting for so many years.

Thank you everyone for all your support. Couldn't have coped without u lovely lot. Wishing you all the best of luck and hope you all get your good news soon xxx

emmaj30

Thats amazing news skap you too and thank you wonder woman for your kind words .. Its so weird..just taking each day as it comes..and waiting for my scan in two weeks.. Got my next set of injections over the next two weeks and if the scan goes well then sorry this might be TMI.. I have to take vaginal suppositories which I am not looking forward to at all!! but going to take each day slowly and hopefully sustain this pregnancy..
xxx

vesper

Oh wow it is fantastic to see some good news on here. Congratulations to you both!!!!


Sorry if my message was a bit muddled last night, was in a bad mood as never seem to see OH anymore, especially not when it maters and the idiot forgot valentines day. Now I am not into valentines day, or the pomp with it, so can forgive him for that. However its the fact that we got together on Valentines day, and it hurt that he could forget that.

Wonder_Woman

Oh my god and Skaps too!!! Congratulations honey, could not be more pleased for you both! :j

I've never had so much as a sniff of a pregnancy before either so it is very weird! Have you booked an early scan Skaps?

xxx