Is everything always 50/50?

Padstow

Well, I do say, some are as camp as a row of tents. Who would have thought it eh!
Do you feel you wasted your time or is part of life's experiences?

CRANKY40

When myself and MrCranky bought the house I live in now, I still had a flat, but the sale was going through. So we didn't hold up the purchase of this house MrC bought it in his name only. It bothered me not a jot. I married him because I trusted him. My flat was sold and we used the money to do work on this house - install a decent kitchen and double glazing (for windows that were painted shut the old windows let a surprising amount of cold air in).

Even after I was mortgage free I never asked MrC to add my name to the deeds. He paid the mortgage, I paid the bills and that worked well (he earned a lot more than me but worked away, I stayed at home and organised stuff so he was OK with that).

When we had Cranky junior MrC took on some more of the bills so that I could work part time and have a bigger say in juniors upbringing than the local nursery. That was fine too. It was still always our house.

MrC died in 2009 when junior was 4. The house was still in his name and due to the fact that we couldn't agree who to leave junior to if we both died, we hadn't made wills. The insurance paid out as these things are wont to do, I paid the mortgage off as that was what it was intended for and the house is now mine. The deeds are still in MrC's name as I haven't got round to changing them (4 years on, yes I know!).

9teen80, it matters not a jot if your name is on the house deeds. You both live in it. What does his will say? Has he left it to his newspaper seller? That would be a problem for me, not who pays the mortgage.

Steb4life if you don't sit down and sort this out without both sides spitting their dummies you won't need an extension anyway.

9teen80 has been crap with money and has broken my dad's rule of "don't give up your job until you get another" which by the way is sensible advice, but when my OH was struggling with his job I did actually tell him to pack it in we'd manage. He didn't and things sorted themselves out but still.....

Steb4life has coped with the possibility that the person he loves could die but is still around and planning for the future. Planning for the future guys...geddit?

The pair of you have a decent amount of money and the possibility of a good life together. Stop fighting, start planning and enjoy (remember it's the will that's important, not whose name is on the deeds). You can have kids in 5 years so make a 5 year plan. Personally I'd say sod the extension and go on a really good holiday and remember why exactly you married each other in the first place.

Padstow

I thought the dialect was Asian. Is it Scottish? I have no idea except to say I have no idea what is being said.

Padstow

9teen80 wrote: »

I took out a £5000 loan because when I left my job, my husband decided to "teach me a lesson" and not pay his contribution towards the mortgage/bills - all in my name at the time. It was either take out the loan (with tesco bank btw not a payday lender) or miss paying the mortgage. I chose the loan.

I've just got home from work to find my husband smirking on the sofa, typing his response. In his words "you can just !!!! off, I'm throwing you out of the house".

When I said I have booked an appointment on Monday at Relate, he said there was no way in hell he was going. Someone who wants to genuinely save a marriage?

You might wonder why my husband is sat at home on the sofa at 4:30pm? He has a job which pays £85k and in his own words, requires him to do "!!!!!! all". He thinks I'm the stupid one for earning £37.5k and I actually am busy.

As for the "one off" comment about his intelligence being greater than mine, that is just a complete lie. It's almost a weekly occurrence the topic of his superior intelligence and how he has a high IQ.

I give up.

Oh enough now!

Not me, but there are some here who give time to help people.
Go away and sort your own rows. That's it, good bye.

Padstow

lostinrates, have you lost all senses apart from your rates thanking that crank post? :rotfl:

CRANKY40

Padstow wrote: »

lostinrates, have you lost all senses apart from your rates thanking that crank post? :rotfl:

What was wrong with my post? I was serious and I told them much the same as you...go and sort it out.

Brighton_belle

CRANKY40 wrote: »

What was wrong with my post? I was serious and I told them much the same as you...go and sort it out.

Goodness knows. I've just thanked it too.

bagpussbear

Steb4life: was interesting to hear your side of things, and it does sound like there is right and wrong on both sides. But begs the question why did you feel you needed to post on this thread, why not just say to your wife 'Ive seen this thread and we need to talk'.

But you seem to feel that you need to prove her wrong in front of us internet strangers! She started this new thread for advice and others opinions, which she got.

There seems to be a lack of communication between yourselves - you are both seeing the same situation but from very different viewpoints, and there will need to be compromise if you are to resolve this. When your wife says things like she is sad that her marriage might fail, that she is feeling sick to the stomach, that you make comments about her intelligence etc etc etc, you need to be listening, and hard!!

If we take both your posts at face value, there is fault with both of you. I hope you both work it out with a solution that you both feel is fair.

But by posting on this thread, and hijacking her thread, I don't think you've done yourself any favours, sorry.

FBaby

What a sad thread because it seems so pointless. I could understand the concern if you guys were not married, but you are, which mean that all this 50/50; 20/80 or 30/70 is totally pointless. You ARE married and things will be 50/50 or certainly would have been if you were not wasting your energy building up resentment that will destroy your marriage so that each can find themselves arguing that because of the length of the marriage, the 50/50 rule shouldn't apply.

Ultimately, your issues are much deeper than each other's name on each other's property. As stated before, you are in the exact same situation my husband and I are, but without the resentment, so are very happy. It doesn't matter that his name is on the deeds of the home we reside in, and mine of the one we rent, it changes absolutely nothing to our marriage.

Clearly, the issue is about contribution to your household. Clearly hubby had an issue with OP's decision to quit her job, which he considered irresponsible. I assume OP saw it more like maybe not the best decision retrospectively, but not the end of the world and it all went wrong from there.

For everyone who critisize the fact that they are here rather than talking, of course they are. If they didn't have a problem with communication, there wouldn't be a problem in the first place.

Good luck to both of you. I hope you don't ruin your marriage other something that is really futile compared to the love you clearly share for each other. MAKE UP tonight!

Padstow

FBaby wrote: »

What a sad thread because it seems so pointless. I could understand the concern if you guys were not married, but you are, which mean that all this 50/50; 20/80 or 30/70 is totally pointless. You ARE married and things will be 50/50 or certainly would have been if you were not wasting your energy building up resentment that will destroy your marriage so that each can find themselves arguing that because of the length of the marriage, the 50/50 rule shouldn't apply.

Ultimately, your issues are much deeper than each other's name on each other's property. As stated before, you are in the exact same situation my husband and I are, but without the resentment, so are very happy. It doesn't matter that his name is on the deeds of the home we reside in, and mine of the one we rent, it changes absolutely nothing to our marriage.

Clearly, the issue is about contribution to your household. Clearly hubby had an issue with OP's decision to quit her job, which he considered irresponsible. I assume OP saw it more like maybe not the best decision retrospectively, but not the end of the world and it all went wrong from there.

For everyone who critisize the fact that they are here rather than talking, of course they are. If they didn't have a problem with communication, there wouldn't be a problem in the first place.

Good luck to both of you. I hope you don't ruin your marriage other something that is really futile compared to the love you clearly share for each other. MAKE UP tonight!

What's pointless F is those who gave up time to help her only to find it was a domestic row played out on MSE.