Left out of family holiday

mustmakealist

I wonder if by any chance your sister, her husband and their children wanted to go on holiday and then discussed it with your parents. In that case it wouldn't seem unusual for them to ask your parents along. There may not have been anything sinister in them planning a holiday involving the 6 of them. If you have never expressed an interest in going on holiday with them when they were going to less exotic places why would they think of including you now.


How often do you talk to your sister? If she was the one planning the holiday she may not have thought of inviting you for her family special holiday. I wouldn't automatically have thought of inviting my sisters to go if I was I had been planning something similar. I wouldn't have meant to cause any offence, but it just wouldn't have been something that would have occurred to me as I would have thought that they would want to go on their own holiday.


As the other posters have suggested speak to both your sister and your parents. They might be able to include you in their plans. If they can't then you will have to deal with it. Perhaps now that they know you would like to spend some time with them on holiday they might be able to include you in their future plans. At least you'll have let them know.

jinty271

I wondered if it might be something to do with the adult vs free child place vs room occupancy equation, that perhaps a single adult traveller would knock off kilter?

Taadaa

I have had this situ with my mum, sister and nephew. Although it was the Isle of Wight, and my mum paid for my sister and nephew because my sister was unemployed. I was on mat leave at the time, could have paid my own way, and there was no reason why I couldn't have gone. Other than they didn't ask.

It's just the way they are. Like you they live near to each other and see each other every day. They see me once a month, sometimes less. They are closer to each other than I am to them and I doubt it even occurred to them to invite me. And do you know, I don't really care. I am sure they didn't mean to come across as though they were leaving me out - and you, in your case - it probably just didn't occur to them. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. I would dwell on it no more.

saving2704

They probably didn't want to put you in the position of having to say no due to money as America will no doubt be expensive.

I can understand your frustration, my parents regularly go for meals, breaks away etc with my brother (the golden child) and his fiance and I don't get invited! I'm used to it now.

There_Goes_Trouble

It comes across to me that they've assumed you wouldn't be interested based on previous experience.

In your position I would email (so as not to put anyone on the spot) to both of them something along the lines of "as I'm in a better financial position this year I wondered if it was possible or if you would mind me tagging along? I'd love to visit Disney with the boys and you, I haven't had a holiday for ages and it would be lovely to spend some quality time with all of you since I don't get to see you that often normally."

It sounds like they'll feel bad about not including you hence not putting them on the spot by phoning, but you know your family and a phone call might be better. That's how I would word it with my family though.

I'm in a similar position to you by the way, single, childless and close to my family, but sometimes they make assumptions about what I would want to do and they don't always get it right. No point making them feel bad or awkward though, there's nothing malicious in it, they just base it on past experience. Eg they might assume I won't want to go to one of the kids school concerts because I didn't go to the last couple, but it might have been because I couldn't get time off work before and this time I can.

Saturnalia

I should ask. But I just don't know what to say to any of them. I'm so upset. And no way am I begging to go. I wasn't asked - they don't want me there. They were even cute enough to keep their hol of a lifetime top-secret until the booking was made so I didn't get a chance to ask to be included.

Funny that my sister's husband likes to tell me I've abandoned my family by moving away. I've done all I can to keep up the contact. Even before the children, it was always me who travelled to see them. I've always listened to all their tales from the other family holidays I was never asked along to.

JIL

I wonder how the sisters husbands parents feel about their son going on holiday with his in laws and not them. To be honest I have been on holiday with my parents and our children and my younger single brother wasn't asked to come along. I think we just presumed it wouldn't be his scene.
Saying that though, if it had bothered him he would have spoken up.
Why not say to your mum or sister that you have been thinking that you might like to join them for a week. ( you could fly out on your own and stay in the same hotel?) You will see from their reaction how they feel about it. From that they may surprise you and get you to go for the whole holiday.
You won't know anything unless you are prepared to have that conversation.

jaylee3

Saturnalia wrote: »

I should ask. But I just don't know what to say to any of them. I'm so upset. And no way am I begging to go. I wasn't asked - they don't want me there. They were even cute enough to keep their hol of a lifetime top-secret until the booking was made so I didn't get a chance to ask to be included.

Funny that my sister's husband likes to tell me I've abandoned my family by moving away. I've done all I can to keep up the contact. Even before the children, it was always me who travelled to see them. I've always listened to all their tales from the other family holidays I was never asked along to.

Ask your mum directly Saturnalia. Although I am somewhat concerned now after your comments about your BIL saying you have 'abandoned your family.' What makes him think he has the right to say this? When and why and in what situation did he say it? And also, does your mum and sister know he has said it?

It may be something to do with him why you weren't asked.

Ask your mum.

sillysid

I think it might be like jinty271 says...one kid goes free with 2 adults...plus I'm sure your sister would benefit from help with kids from your parents, disneyland is tiring. And perhaps they thought with you being young, free and single, a family hol with kids would be last thing you wanted.

Spendless

My family did this to us, my sis, bil and their kids, plus my parents and both my grans went to Florida and told us after they'd booked. They went in term-time when my eldest was sitting his sats in yr 2, so it wasn't an option for us to ask if we could join them. To this day I can't decide if they purposely booked it for a time when we couldn't go.

I just took the view that I was going to think of it as being relieved I didn't have the stress of them all on hol.

I think I'd raise it with your mum, just in a casual 'oh if you'd said, I'd have loved to have come with you' if you feel uncomfortable with approaching it any other way.