Left out of family holiday

Saturnalia

I'm feeling upset about this, and was looking for other people's perspectives to work out if I'm being unreasonable, or if I'm right to feel this way.

My parents are still together and I have one sister. My parents still live in the house we grew up in and my sister is two streets away, she is now married with 2 young children. I live quite a distance away but go to visit every 3 months or so and I talk to them all at least once a week. My sister and her family and my parents spend a lot of their time together.

I spoke to my mum last night and she told me the 6 of them have just booked to go to the States on holiday. I didn't really think anything of it while talking to her but after we'd finished talking I felt pretty sad that my whole immediate family is going on holiday and have left me out.

This must have been planned and discussed for quite a while before booking, but last night was the first I had heard about it. I wonder if anyone even suggested I be invited, or if no-one even thought of including me? Funny how I was only told once it was booked and I couldn't ask if I could go too.

Before the children, the 4 adults often holidayed together and I wasn't asked along, but at the time there was no way I could afford holidays so I assumed I was never asked to come because of lack of funds. But now I'm earning, the holiday is 8 months away, I would like a holiday abroad as my last was 8 years ago, and I've still been left out. So it clearly isn't money that is the problem.

I feel really sad that they have behaved like this and can't understand why. They aren't the kind of people to give silly personal snubs so there must be some other reason why they haven't included me, but I can't work out what that reason would be.

Bennifred

Why not just ask them - it's the only way to find out, really! Have you been invited in the past, or are you assuming they know your financial situation?

Georgiegirl256

When you say the States, which State do you mean, is it Florida by any chance? Just wondering when you say there are two kids, that it might by Disney a World they are going to. If so, maybe they thought you wouldn't be interested?

Whatever the reason, I think it's odd that they haven't mentioned it before, or even gave you the chance to say if you wanted to go or not. If I was in your position, I would be peeved too - and me personally- I would mention it to them and try and find out why you weren't invited or why it wasn't mentioned. It's probably some very simple reason. .

fireyfirenze

what is your situation? are you married, single, significantly older than your sister, younger? it seems like they wouldn't leave you out on purpose as you seem to have an okay relationship with them so maybe they just genuinely assumed you wouldn't want to come.

BitterAndTwisted

I can't think of anything worse than travelling all the way to the US with 2 young kids in tow. Perhaps they thought you wouldn't enjoy it, so that's why you weren't asked? There's only one way to find out.....

DKLS

They may have assumed you couldn't afford the trip or it wasn't up your street e.g. Disney, which would be my idea of hell, but a trip to Maine or northern cali would be great.


Book yourself a holiday, some of the best holidays I have ever had have been on my own, I would hate to go away with 5 other people, as my choices would be compromised too much.

Person_one

I would be hurt too in your situation. Even if they thought you couldn't afford it or wouldn't want to go, to not even mention it just on the off chance...

I think you're going to have a conversation that might not be easy to initiate. Don't attack, just tell your parents how sad you feel.

Tanswell88

I would be hurt too... regardless of it 'being your thing or not' a simple 'We was thinking of booking a family holiday with your sister and her fam.. would you like to come too? It doesnt take long to pick up the phone and ask.

Sometimes parents like to just assume and not realize feelings will be hurt. Maybe you could ask why you wasn't asked or ask if its too late for you to be added to the booking?

Saturnalia

Bennifred wrote: »

Why not just ask them - it's the only way to find out, really! Have you been invited in the past, or are you assuming they know your financial situation?

I haven't been invited in the past. My family are aware of what my financial sitch is and my mum is of the opinion that it is better to not ask than to put me in the position of having to say no due to funds when I know they know I'm skint... They're also aware that since starting work 2 months ago, I'm on a good wage and desperately want a holiday. I've said all along that travel would be my first big spend.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

When you say the States, which State do you mean, is it Florida by any chance? Just wondering when you say there are two kids, that it might by Disney a World they are going to. If so, maybe they thought you wouldn't be interested?

Yes they are going to Florida and are all excited about doing Disney. I would be interested in going there - I went to the Paris one in my 20s and loved it, it would be even more fun with the kids, besides I don't mind going off and doing my own thing at times, I'd be happy doing that if they were at Disneyworld all day every day. I'm sure they'll be visiting Epcot and that is definitely on my must-see list. Huh, maybe next year.

fireyfirenze wrote: »

what is your situation? are you married, single, significantly older than your sister, younger? it seems like they wouldn't leave you out on purpose as you seem to have an okay relationship with them so maybe they just genuinely assumed you wouldn't want to come.

I'm single and there is 3 years between us. I'm trying to convince myself that, that they made the assumption I wouldn't want to go, but I can't fathom how they would have got to that assumption? If they know me at all they would have realised I would have jumped at the chance.

I'm probably the only childfree adult in their circle, maybe they think I wouldn't want to be around the children on holidays? But I love spending time with my nephews. And our then-single and childfree Auntie often came on family hols when we were children.

No idea!

neon_dannii

I would ask them why you haven't been invited! It's your family; it's something you should be able to ask. If they're going to Disney it would be easy for you to book the same holiday so you can go with them, easily changeable.

Seriously, ask them. I wouldn't let this lie, I'd do everything to get myself on that holiday with them!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Why not say you've been looking at your finances and could afford a holiday - so would they like to see how much it would be to add you onto the booking?

Definitely sounds like they didn't want to put pressure on you when you've only just started work.