I WILL be Debt Free!!

beanielou

Peers around looking rather anxiously for Emz.
Take care xxx

Emzilla

Hi everyone - really sorry I went AWOL. Just feel like a big fat failure at the moment.

I can't earn the kind of money I'd hoped to this month. It's just too much for me. I forget sometimes that I have got a really serious illness that is likely to kill me one day and I've had this illness for nearly 33 years. That's a long time for something to be damaging my body beyond repair (which it is). I'm tired, all the time. I think I've gotten used to it over the years, but I expect if I was given a day as a 'normal, healthy person', then I would notice how tired and weak I feel.

I know I need to earn money to live on. Part of me wishes I could get a normal job again (and I probably could get one), but the other part of me is scared that my health would suffer as a result. My lung function and weight (the main things my illness is measured on) are probably the best they have been in the past 10 years.

So what's the answer? Do what I can manage I guess. No targets, just do what I can, earn what I can and see how that goes. If I can only earn £800 a month then so be it - I'll manage.

I feel like I need to stop, breathe and enjoy my life a little whilst I still can.

Emz xx

DreamerHelen

Oh Sweetheart...you are NOT a failure...you are living with a serious Illness....and you are a FIGHTER and you are doing BRILLIANTLY....

As you say - Just do what you can - Why not say to yourself "I'll Log On for an hour a day" and then if you can do more, great...and if you can't you won't beat yourself up....and hey, if one day you can't do an hour then just give yourself a break....

Have a think - If you had a Friend that was living with your Illness, would you think them a failure? I bet you wouldn't....you would be sympathetic and helpful and friendly and loving towards them....So do that for yourself hun....

We're all here for you whether you earn a single pound or £1000....we just want the best for you xXx

Emzilla

Thank you Helen for your lovely reply :A

A few good things I've achieved over the past few days. I received £5 from a survey this morning and am expecting another product to test for BzzAgent - A Scholl Express Pedi thing which is worth £30 in Boots, so pretty chuffed with that.

We're off to see Spiderman 2 tonight for free. They've also started building a new cinema literally 2 minutes from our house. Can't wait until we can go there next summer. It's going to be a Cineworld, so I'm going to get one of their passes so we can see as many films as we want.

Emz xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Emzilla wrote: »

Hi everyone - really sorry I went AWOL. Just feel like a big fat failure at the moment.

I can't earn the kind of money I'd hoped to this month. It's just too much for me. I forget sometimes that I have got a really serious illness that is likely to kill me one day and I've had this illness for nearly 33 years. That's a long time for something to be damaging my body beyond repair (which it is). I'm tired, all the time. I think I've gotten used to it over the years, but I expect if I was given a day as a 'normal, healthy person', then I would notice how tired and weak I feel.

I know I need to earn money to live on. Part of me wishes I could get a normal job again (and I probably could get one), but the other part of me is scared that my health would suffer as a result. My lung function and weight (the main things my illness is measured on) are probably the best they have been in the past 10 years.

So what's the answer? Do what I can manage I guess. No targets, just do what I can, earn what I can and see how that goes. If I can only earn £800 a month then so be it - I'll manage.

I feel like I need to stop, breathe and enjoy my life a little whilst I still can.

Emz xx

You certainly do Ems, we all do. And you should enjoy it a lot!


and where your get the crazy idea you are a failure I really don't know. You aren't at all.


xxxx

RainbowBridgeReturns

Hi Emz,

I second Buffy, and if difficult to achieve targets don't motivate you but crush you ditch them, or ........ alter them xx.

in_need_of_direction

I'm a big fan of flylady.net. Her whole thing is that you do what you can for 15 minutes. If you can manage another set of 15 mins then even better. I think that you do brilliantly not just with your own responsibilities but also helping out with the school run etc. I totally agree with what Helen says only I'd go even further. I wouldn't even look at yourself as someone with a serious illness, I'd say just look at what you're achieving. You're like a little dynamo. You just can't expect to sustain that all the time. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself the occasional pat on the back.

Emzilla

Thanks for your lovely comments everyone :A

Still feeling a bit down, but sure I'll snap out of it soon.

Spiderman 2 was okay last night, not as good as the first one I thought. We got special 3D glasses, a bottle of water and a Spiderman mask at the cinema though. Always nice to get some freebies.

It's mummy Emz's birthday today, so I'll be taking her out to lunch later. We've got her some nice presents (most of mine I got from Amazon). Need to go and buy her a cake this morning, which I'm going to do with my Sainsbury's voucher.

Emz xx

[Deleted User]

Awwww, Emz, please don't feel bad about anything. It made me so sad to think you feel this way as you have been a true inspiration to me and a lot of others who follow your thread.

You manage to achieve more with a very serious and debilitating condition than most of us do when we are fit and well:o. Your get-up-and-go are second to none and after all, we all get days (years in my case:eek:) when things don't work out as we'd hoped.

As someone else has said, you are a real dynamo. Not only do you earn money in every way you can but you are a wonderful daughter,partner,sister, auntie etc. Helping to look after a young child can drain anyone's energy yet you do this most days as well as your real work.

P.S. I envy you having the Scholl Express Pedi to try. I'd love to buy one if I wasn't so strapped for cash

Buffythedebtslayer

carbootcrazy wrote: »

Awwww, Emz, please don't feel bad about anything. It made me so sad to think you feel this way as you have been a true inspiration to me and a lot of others who follow your thread.

You manage to achieve more with a very serious and debilitating condition than most of us do when we are fit and well:o. Your get-up-and-go are second to none and after all, we all get days (years in my case:eek:) when things don't work out as we'd hoped.

As someone else has said, you are a real dynamo. Not only do you earn money in every way you can but you are a wonderful daughter,partner,sister, auntie etc. Helping to look after a young child can drain anyone's energy yet you do this most days as well as your real work.

P.S. I envy you having the Scholl Express Pedi to try. I'd love to buy one if I wasn't so strapped for cash

What she said all of it but especially the bit in bold X


I was pondering this at the start of the week when I had my earache and sore throat, I made myself get on with some stuff but napped every day! twice on Monday!!


Even now I am entertaining the idea of a quick 40 winks!


You are fab Ems. XX