Married but living separately?

lostinrates

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I empathise with her, do I or don't I? Shall we look at getting back under the same roof or not?

Lots of people live married and apart or go thought this. So I think the initial posts took the op at face value and didn't think any further.
this was certainly the vein in which my response was made.
Now the issue of benefits has come up, which is absolutely fundamental to the initial quandary. Running two houses on significantly reduced tax credits may not be possible. So issue solved. Live together.
.

Or find away to afford it. DH and I live separately as its a requirement for his work he live very close to it, which is somewhere we couldn't / wouldn't live. To make this work we've had to make compromises in where we bought and where DH stays near work.

While I remain of the opinion that some relationships and families work best in non traditional formats I would in no way support benefit fraud in order to enable it. OP, I do hope you find a good resolve.

split_second

getmore4less wrote: »

I think many end up living on top of each other as places get smaller.

That's why men need their caves/sheds/garage... to do things their way.
(these days it might be a computer/games/cinema room)

Equivalent space for the OH

With kids a separate play/games room or bedrooms big enough to do that.

If the 2 house thing is working it might be you just need a bigger place to spread out in, to avoid the shift issues you have an extra room, his man cave/bedroom

Agreed, i am a vintage computer collector and virtually all the married and cohabiting ones have a man cave, me included. I dont sleep there just my own space for when i want it

FBaby

I think you are not being very honest, either here or to yourself. You imply that this is only temporary to assess whether you can make a go of your marriage

We are trying to see if we can work it out before making the decision to move back in. I didn't/don't want to rush as it would be unfair all round and especially on the kids to go through another split if we make the wrong choice

but on page on, you made it clear that you were considering making it long term.

A few people look at me strangely when I say we're back together but not living together but the way I see it, If living separately keeps us happily married and out of the divorce courts then it's the way forward!

The reality is, if it wasn't for tax credits allowing you to continue going to Uni, would you be living apart? You are totally deluding yourself if you think you would be considered single for tax credits purposes. You are 'happily married' as you quote, you go on holiday together as a family, you are at each other's place through out the week. That's being a couple, whatever the circumstances.

Going back to your original post and my first post, living together whilst married would work for a number of married couple, but many don't because they can't afford it.

jaylee3

FBaby wrote: »

I think you are not being very honest, either here or to yourself. You imply that this is only temporary to assess whether you can make a go of your marriage................but on page one, you made it clear that you were considering making it long term.

The reality is, if it wasn't for tax credits allowing you to continue going to Uni, would you be living apart? You are totally deluding yourself if you think you would be considered single for tax credits purposes. You are 'happily married' as you quote, you go on holiday together as a family, you are at each other's place through out the week. That's being a couple, whatever the circumstances.

I agree fbaby. I did sympathise with the OP tbh, and frankly, I was nice and kind and polite with her, and she hasn't even acknowledged my posts, just choosing to attack people for having the temerity to tell her what she doesn't want to hear.

Her posts were contradictory, and tinkerbell is correct that she needs to get her story straight before approaching HMRC. (Though I am pretty sure she won't be saying a word to them. ) And I am loathed to believe that she has a 'friend' who works for them who she will 'ask about the situation.' If this IS true, then this woman should report whatever she hears. I would if it were me.

She has been advised and warned by the posters on here, who know what they're talking about. On her head be it, if she gets in trouble with the HMRC. And she will if they catch up with her.

As I said, I was feeling for her, and trying to be kind. I won't make that mistake again.

GracieP

Perhaps an idea would be to maintain your original household and also rent a very small studio apartment. Your original house would be your home that you both live in but a couple of nights/days a week you each of you could have the studio to yourselves. That way you could use the studio for the nights you need to do uni work and your husband could have it when he prefers the quiet in which to rest. You'd still get a chance to have your own space, it would be much more affordable than maintaining two homes with space for the children so you could possibly do it legally and it would be a thousand times less disruptive for your children. (I know you say your children aren't bothered by the current arrangement but they are still very young, as they get older that's very much likely to change.)

gik

madison-nyc wrote: »

Not quite a huff but not going to discuss details about a subject I didn't post about.


Yet again a post gets railroaded to irrelevance.


I've taken what you have said on board, I've a friend who is a manager in DWP and will speak her tonight to see what the score is. If I'm at fault then I will have to decided how to proceed.

I'm guessing she set you straight?

ACEJ_2

just stumbled on this interesting thread. So if the "couple" in question were not actually married, i.e. if they were an unmarried couple with kids but living seperately would she be considered "single"?

Mojisola

ACEJ wrote: »

just stumbled on this interesting thread. So if the "couple" in question were not actually married, i.e. if they were an unmarried couple with kids but living seperately would she be considered "single"?

Being married or not married isn't the issue - it's the extent to which they are sharing their lives that is used to decide whether two people are a couple or not.

ACEJ_2

So why do they not make that clear on the forms? Just says "we treat you as a couple if you married or in a civil partnership" and "if you are living with someone else as if you are married or in a civil partnership". So if you are neither married/CP or living together according to the form you are not a couple however much you date/holiday/sleep together like one. If they have other criteria for judging "couples" surely this should be made clear on the forms people are signing. There must be thousands of people in this situation!

Mojisola

ACEJ wrote: »

So why do they not make that clear on the forms? Just says "we treat you as a couple if you married or in a civil partnership" and "if you are living with someone else as if you are married or in a civil partnership".

So if you are neither married/CP or living together according to the form you are not a couple however much you date/holiday/sleep together like one.

If they have other criteria for judging "couples" surely this should be made clear on the forms people are signing. There must be thousands of people in this situation!

The bit in bold covers all the other situations. It had to be brought in because of the numbers of people who tried to claim fraudulently ,eg. I'm a single mother of seven children and want to claim loads of benefits. Yes, they all have the same father but I'm not in a relationship with him - he lives with his mother/brother/best mate.