Married but living separately?

madison-nyc

lostinrates wrote: »

LATS, 'living apart together' is what is called. .

Op, relationships and families come in all sorts of arrangements. If its working for you , your partner and your kids, you just enjoy it:)


You see more of your DH than I do mine, he works away mon to fri, a long accepted 'norm' in some families. .

Good luck continuing to strengthen your relationship, whatever route you take. .

Thank you It's nice to hear a bit of positivity about it all

getmore4less

I think many end up living on top of each other as places get smaller.

That's why men need their caves/sheds/garage... to do things their way.
(these days it might be a computer/games/cinema room)

Equivalent space for the OH

With kids a separate play/games room or bedrooms big enough to do that.

If the 2 house thing is working it might be you just need a bigger place to spread out in, to avoid the shift issues you have an extra room, his man cave/bedroom

ostrichnomore_2

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton live next door to each other. Been together years and have a couple of children.

harrys_nan

That sound the perfect arrangement
I would like to do that except i would be 200 miles away :eek:

Pollycat

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I'm sure there a similar thread a while ago.

Gloomendoom
I think that was the thread about spilt gravy on Christmas Day when the OP had a go at her BIL for spending ages mopping it up and it 'spoiled the grand entrance of her Yule log'. :rotfl:

OP's BIL & his wife were 'together' but lived in separate houses.

Back to this thread:
I would say if it works for you emotionally, then it's nobody else's business but I would be concerned about how it affects the kids, but if you say they are fine.....then it's not a problem.

But - what about the financial impact on the family as a whole?

Double rent/mortgage costs, utility bills, council tax etc.

Errata

I get more sleep now with him not waking me coming in at all hours from various shifts, and he snores, all of this made me very tired a grouchy

I would have thought a set of earplugs would have been a lot cheaper than funding a second family home.

ellay864

If you'd never married people probably wouldn't bat an eyelid, as many people have a committed relationship without living together. If you'd got separated/divorced but stayed friends, doing family things for the kids, people would probably think it's a good civilised arrangement. It's only because you're married and doing your best to stay married people see it as odd. Good for you for not just quitting on each other, and finding a solution that works. Who gives a flying fig what others think!

FBaby

I think financial aspect is a key one to make it work. How are you arranging this? Do you both spend what you earn? Who pays what for the children, childcare etc...

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

I think financial aspect is a key one to make it work. How are you arranging this? Do you both spend what you earn? Who pays what for the children, childcare etc...

I agree with this.

Unless the OP & her OH have no financial worries at all, there will be a significant amount of money being spent on running 2 discrete households that could instead be spent on the family e.g. holidays, larger house (which might give them the time on their own that they both seem to want), savings for the future etc.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

I think financial aspect is a key one to make it work. How are you arranging this? Do you both spend what you earn? Who pays what for the children, childcare etc...

This is the practical area where the outside world could impinge.

Do you claim any benefits - do you claim as single or married?