Married but living separately?

madison-nyc

Afternoon all,


Just a bit of a nosey post to see if anyone is in a similar position to me....


My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married for 7. We've had a rough couple of years which cumulated in me telling him I didn't love him and we separated and have been now living separately for almost 7 months now.


After marriage guidance, time apart, hours and hours of talking and dating like we did when we first met etc. we took the decision to put our wedding rings on and make another go of it. So we've been on a family holiday, spend a couple of nights a week at each others houses etc. and it's going really well, I've fallen in love with him all over again.


For now we are happy as we are and both enjoying having our own places so we still get to have time on our own. In a way I want him to move back in but I don't want to rock the boat and end up unhappy like I was before we broke up.


So is anyone else married but living separate?

Gloomendoom

I'm sure there a similar thread a while ago.

Dejà Vu maybe.

bagpussbear

My mum and step dad did exactly that, although they weren't married they were together 26 years. They were very different people in many respects, and sometimes this caused quite some heated rows, although they loved each other very much and neither wanted anyone else.

So they decided to live separately for the last 8 years or so of their relationship, before my dad died from leukemia. The arrangement worked very well for them.

I would say if you are happy with the way things are at the moment, then keep it like it, and just see how you go as the weeks and months progress.

Tanswell88

If it works for you guys and your both happy with your arrangement that's all that matters
Whose to say what's normal or not? Live your life how you want not what society considers 'normal'.

Voyager2002

The English upper classes have traditionally lived in separate homes, so if you want to have a husband you visit while living in your own home, you are in good company.

Just arrange your life in a way that suits both of you: just because many couples feel that being "really together" involves sharing a house does not mean that you need to live together.

madison-nyc

Thank you all for your replies :0) I was reading an article not long back that said married couples that lived separately was on the rise, that it's becoming a lot more common.


My family are fine with it and can see the positives of it, I have a very supportive circle of close friends, some of which are jealous in fact as I get more child free time than them as the kids stay with there dad a couple of nights a week which is ideal as I can get all my uni work done in peace. He works shifts too, so it works well for him as he can go home to bed after a night shift and not have the kids waking him etc.


I lived in my own for about 5 years before meeting my hubby so was, and am, very much used to my own company and after 7 months apart, hubby has got used to a bit of time out too.


A few people look at me strangely when I say we're back together but not living together but the way I see it, If living separately keeps us happily married and out of the divorce courts then it's the way forward!

marisco_2

Many people would say that to be committed to marriage you should be committed to living together. I think there is a good argument for saying that your commitment to the person is what's important, not the way you both choose to live. If living separately for now enables you two to strengthen your relationship and gradually reconnect well with each other, then that is far better than completely throwing in the towel and getting divorced. A relationship is as unique as the two individuals who form it and they should conduct it in a way that works best for them.

When you choose to live apart, it will only work if you are both absolutely sure of each other's motives. If there is a hint of jealousy or lack of commitment, it will negatively affect your relationship. The key is to keep communication very open and honest. Be willing to discuss the situation with your partner regularly to make sure that you're still both happy with it. With time, patience and effort on both sides you two could become a great team able to confront life's many challenges with strength, cooperation and mutual trust.

madison-nyc

we're both on the same page as far as deciding how to live. We are both 100% committed to making it work hence marriage guidance etc. We could have easily walked away from each other permanently. We see each other every day and spend 3/4 nights together which is pretty much how it was before him working nights. I think a lot of it is I get more sleep now with him not waking me coming in at all hours from various shifts, and he snores, all of this made me very tired a grouchy which with a full time degree and two young kids isn't a good combo!


I'm not saying it will be permanent by any means but for now we are enjoying spending time together and 'dating' like we used to. we've been through a hell of a lot over the past 12 months so just enjoying where we are for now

Mojisola

madison-nyc wrote: »

So is anyone else married but living separate?

I know some childless couples who live like this but not anyone with young children.

How are the children coping with it?

madison-nyc

The kids are fine. We never actually rowed or anything so the kids haven't witnessed anything to upset or disturb them etc. Even after we decided to separate he's seen them every day. Kids are 4 and 6, I sat with them both once we'd decided to separate and just said that mommy and daddy we're being grumpy with each other so were going to get an extra house to that we could have a bit of space but that we were still friends etc. The kids were just excited to have another house and bedroom! With hubby always working shifts they are used to not seeing him for a couple of days and him not being here at night time etc. so it hasn't been huge upheaval for them.

lostinrates

LATS, 'living apart together' is what is called. .

Op, relationships and families come in all sorts of arrangements. If its working for you , your partner and your kids, you just enjoy it:)


You see more of your DH than I do mine, he works away mon to fri, a long accepted 'norm' in some families. .

Good luck continuing to strengthen your relationship, whatever route you take. .