Asking for money instead of gifts?

19lottie82

Idiophreak wrote: »

Trying to understand why you think it's better to give people tat they don't want, rather than cash they do...

Sorry, you misunderstood me here. I never said I thought it was better for people to give, as you describe it ,"tat", instead of cash.

I said, in my opinion, I think it is crude to ASK for it. Especially in the form of a cringe worthy poem on the invite.

Stephb1986_2

I don't think we will all agree on this subject it's each to their own really. If people know their guests well enough to ask for cash that is their choice. But we're all allowed our own opinion

storytime

I think people need to cool down. When I got married 36 years ago I had a bottom drawer, we saved for 2 years for a deposit for a home then we got married and were grateful for the ironing board etc. Now we are planning our daughter's wedding. We are paying the lions share and the grooms family and my DD & SIL are chipping in for a budget family knees up. They have the baby and the toaster and like me she hates dusting and clutter. So all they would like is money to start a fund to save for a home to get out of the rental trap. Surely it is simpler and greener ( saves petrol traipsing round the shops and saves on paper)to put a tenner in a wedding card ( make if you want to spend some time and thought) and give it to one of the wedding party on the day. It's modern life everything is topsy turvy - get real.
Ps we won't do the comic begging poem with the invite, hint taken!

sulphate

I'm surprised at the responses on this this thread.

We put this on the inserts that went out with our wedding invites (along with travel/accommodation info etc):
The most important thing is that you come and celebrate with us. We have not set up a traditional gift list, as we don’t need anything at the moment whilst we save for a house deposit. If you are feeling generous, we would be very grateful for John Lewis gift vouchers – these have no expiry date and will therefore be much appreciated when we finally buy our own house

I don't do poems, not my style.

I have never gone to a wedding without bringing or sending a gift. I think a lot of people feel the same way. We didn't expect any. A lot of people gave us money instead of vouchers. And some people still gave us gifts.

By the way... we didn't ask for vouchers because we couldn't afford our wedding (not the case) or because we couldn't afford to furnish a house :rotfl: The things we bought with the vouchers we would have bought anyway, but probably over a longer period of time/from a shop other than John Lewis :rotfl: And actually, whilst I loved all the gifts that were bought for us, we haven't used any of them yet, but we have used everything we bought with the vouchers

Jobseeeker

storytime wrote: »

I think people need to cool down. When I got married 36 years ago I had a bottom drawer, we saved for 2 years for a deposit for a home then we got married and were grateful for the ironing board etc. Now we are planning our daughter's wedding. We are paying the lions share and the grooms family and my DD & SIL are chipping in for a budget family knees up. They have the baby and the toaster and like me she hates dusting and clutter. So all they would like is money to start a fund to save for a home to get out of the rental trap. Surely it is simpler and greener ( saves petrol traipsing round the shops and saves on paper)to put a tenner in a wedding card ( make if you want to spend some time and thought) and give it to one of the wedding party on the day. It's modern life everything is topsy turvy - get real.
Ps we won't do the comic begging poem with the invite, hint taken!

I have to say the way you and wife did it sounds much nicer and I am young:)

split_second

I hope this thread highlights the attitude attached to weddings by guests, whatever you do, someone moans.
Someone will throw a tantrum when you get engaged because they don't like who you are marrying, or its too soon. If you marry in the church someone will moan and if you don't? More moaning. Any choice you make will lead to moaning as well as if you go with the easy option.

We are asking for money, we put the new kitchen on hold so we could have the nicest wedding we could afford. The other option is worse, be given gifts we don't like and either use them out of guilt or don't use them and feel guilty someone bought it and that we are wrong for not liking it

ska_lover

I don't think it is crude to ask for money, in whichever way you want, a poem on an invite or whatever.

As a wedding guest, I would much rather give something they wanted/needed i.e money, rather than a traditional gift that my not be appreciated as much. People like to decorate their home in their own taste..not someone elses idea of a nice colour scheme etc and not everyone needs traditional household stuff for wedding presents these days. Many couples set up home years before getting wed these days

At our wedding last year, we requested people did not buy us gifts, we have been together years, own our own house. We didn't ask for money (and didn't receive any either lol)

At least half of our guests came equipped with 'traditional' type household gifts - which, although we appreciated the good intention of - we were shocked at the fact it was almost as if complete strangers had brought these gifts for us, and didn't know our personalities or priorities and felt the absolutely HAD to bow to tradition and buy household stuff. It was almost as if a lot of it was just brought because it was the easiest thing to purchase, that could be wrapped up. Most of it would never have been used in this household. I.e a set of wine glasses but we don't drink..

We sent thank you notes, and took most of it a charity shop. Did we feel guilty? Not in the slightest. We work hard for our home, and want it furnished to our tastes, not a mix and match of various other things with unused items in boxes.
Before buying a gift for someone who has requested money please consider, there is a reason they have requested no gifts - your well intentioned present could well end up in a charity shop

ska_lover

split_second wrote: »

I hope this thread highlights the attitude attached to weddings by guests, whatever you do, someone moans.
Someone will throw a tantrum when you get engaged because they don't like who you are marrying, or its too soon. If you marry in the church someone will moan and if you don't? More moaning. Any choice you make will lead to moaning as well as if you go with the easy option.

We are asking for money, we put the new kitchen on hold so we could have the nicest wedding we could afford. The other option is worse, be given gifts we don't like and either use them out of guilt or don't use them and feel guilty someone bought it and that we are wrong for not liking it

I don't think you are wrong at all. It is YOUR day and you do it YOUR way. Why guests would not want to acquiesce to your wishes is insane...Do not listen to anyone on here telling you that you are wrong. On your own wedding day, it is impossible for you to be wrong. It is your day - to your own tastes.

Surely, if someone was going to, say, spend £20 on a present for you, would it not be so much better to put the money in with your wedding card, so you can SPEND IT HOW YOU WANT / NEED TO. It would be so much easier for the guest to do this, rather than trawl the shops

Even if you ask for no presents, you will still get them.

The psychology of the situation here is that there is some element of 'showboating' with present giving and that guests give gifts to make themselves feel better than, and to look better and more generous in front of other guests/the other side of the family!! Part of the reason they give a gift is selfish, if you have asked for no gifts . i.e they know you don't want them, but they insist on giving them to you anyway.......do not let people kid you into thinking that you are the one with the problem here. The larger and more expensively wrapped gift to give in front of the other guests / side of the family - the better!! They know you don't want the gift and there is a high chance it is going to end up in the charity shop - but they do not care, that is not the agenda here - looking good in front of other guests is the issue.

However if everyone sticks to your request, then all guests are bidded equals, as if gift money is given to you in envelopes, no one will have a chance to flash their wealth as the money will be out of sight of other guests.

Beware the large exquisitely wrapped present - it is a mask for something hideous underneath! :rotfl:Some presents will have had more money spent on the wrapping than the gift that lurks within

It really does sound like I am being mean, - but think on, next time anyone receives an invite that says no presents, people actually mean no presents - they probably will not be well received, behind the scenes.

split_second

ska_lover wrote: »

I don't think you are wrong at all. It is YOUR day and you do it YOUR way. Why guests would not want to acquiesce to your wishes is insane...Do not listen to anyone on here telling you that you are wrong. On your own wedding day, it is impossible for you to be wrong. It is your day - to your own tastes.

Surely, if someone was going to, say, spend £20 on a present for you, would it not be so much better to put the money in with your wedding card, so you can SPEND IT HOW YOU WANT / NEED TO. It would be so much easier for the guest to do this, rather than trawl the shops

Even if you ask for no presents, you will still get them.

The psychology of the situation here is that there is some element of 'showboating' with present giving and that guests give gifts to make themselves feel better than, and to look better and more generous in front of other guests/the other side of the family!! Part of the reason they give a gift is selfish, if you have asked for no gifts . i.e they know you don't want them, but they insist on giving them to you anyway.......do not let people kid you into thinking that you are the one with the problem here. The larger and more expensively wrapped gift to give in front of the other guests / side of the family - the better!! They know you don't want the gift and there is a high chance it is going to end up in the charity shop - but they do not care, that is not the agenda here - looking good in front of other guests is the issue.

However if everyone sticks to your request, then all guests are bidded equals, as if gift money is given to you in envelopes, no one will have a chance to flash their wealth as the money will be out of sight of other guests.

Beware the large exquisitely wrapped present - it is a mask for something hideous underneath! :rotfl:Some presents will have had more money spent on the wrapping than the gift that lurks within

It really does sound like I am being mean, - but think on, next time anyone receives an invite that says no presents, people actually mean no presents - they probably will not be well received, behind the scenes.

We have ended up not putting anything in with the invites about gifts, what we want is to be asked and then we can say about the kitchen being done up and ask for money with a reason. I just hope we don't get something we wont use because we would feel guilty for not using it

CompBunny

I hate wedding politics so much No more! Decision made for us too: No mention of gifts, money or vouchers whatsoever. Just an invite to the wedding. If people want to give us a gift then that is very kind of them. If not, we're just glad they came to the wedding. Job done.

Oh, and if anyone asks us directly "Aaah thats really kind of you! We'll be grateful whatever you give us, but honestly we're just happy you are coming to our wedding. "