Asking for money instead of gifts?

Idiophreak

19lottie82 wrote: »

If a couple are daft enough to "stick a wedding on a credit card" and spend years paying for it, then they are just daft, and it's not my problem.

No, it's their choice. Someone having a different opinion, or set of priorities, to you doesn't make them daft.

19lottie82 wrote: »

People should be encouraged to live within their means instead of spending money they can't afford then filling the invites with tack poems about how they, of course don't want or expect any gifts, but would "prefer" cash.

Oh, I thought you were giving them a gift, not a financial education, my mistake.

barba

I'm just wondering if it is better to sell tickets for weddings.

Saves on the poem embarrassment and also you can work out exactly the right price to charge to recoup the full cost

Stephb1986_2

barba wrote: »

I'm just wondering if it is better to sell tickets for weddings.

Saves on the poem embarrassment and also you can work out exactly the right price to charge to recoup the full cost

In that case then my tickets would be £150 each but doubt I'd get that as cash off any of my guests :undecided

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

To be honest I never have given money for a wedding present although if at a distance have given vouchers. I would certainly hope that a couple would have already paid for the wedding before-hand and if they couldn't afford a honeymoon then it isn't compulsory and you shouldn't hope that guests will give enough money to pay for the shortfall.

But what does it matter?

You gave them vouchers for (eg)JL, which they used to buy some plates, which they didn't have to spend cash on, so they had the cash free to put towards the cost of their wedding, their honeymoon, or the next holiday they fancy...The only way of "ringfencing" what they spend the money on is to give it to them as a present...but if the present isn't something they want or need (ie something that they'd otherwise have spent cash on), it's not a great gift, right? So who've you helped by giving them it? You? Because it maintains your moral sensibilities?

Idiophreak

Stephb1986 wrote: »

In that case then my tickets would be £150 each but doubt I'd get that as cash off any of my guests :undecided

Yeah, I don't want to think about that!

barba

Stephb1986 wrote: »

In that case then my tickets would be £150 each but doubt I'd get that as cash off any of my guests :undecided

Well you quote £150 and if people turn it down you strike them off the list, whittle it down until you can have it in your kitchen.

Problem solved

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

But what does it matter?

You gave them vouchers for (eg)JL, which they used to buy some plates, which they didn't have to spend cash on, so they had the cash free to put towards the cost of their wedding, their honeymoon, or the next holiday they fancy...The only way of "ringfencing" what they spend the money on is to give it to them as a present...but if the present isn't something they want or need (ie something that they'd otherwise have spent cash on), it's not a great gift, right? So who've you helped by giving them it? You? Because it maintains your moral sensibilities?

I just don't understand how anyone would have a wedding far less a honeymoon without having the money themself to pay for it upfront.

As to buying a gift free up money, that's in my opinion a very mercenary way to look at it.

19lottie82

Idiophreak wrote: »

No, it's their choice. Someone having a different opinion, or set of priorities, to you doesn't make them daft.

I didn't say it wasn't their choice.

So even if i had enough in my bank account to buy a new outfit, but decided to go to chanel and spend £10k on kitting myself out, but didn't have the money, so put it on a credit card, which would take me 3 years to pay off........ would that be daft? Of course it would.

Getting into debt, not to mention 5 figure sum debt, for something that you do not NEED, is always daft. I'm not just talking about weddings.

Idiophreak wrote: »

Oh, I thought you were giving them a gift, not a financial education, my mistake.

My mother always taught me sarcasm was the lowest form of wit, but anyway.......... Yes of course I am giving them a gift. And where did I say that I would be personally offering my opinion to the bride and groom about if they decided to ask for money or not? I didn't. That would be rude. I am prepared to discuss my opinions on an internet forum, but that doesn't mean I would express them to a couple who had invited me to their wedding, as chances are they would be offended, so what would be the point in that?

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I just don't understand how anyone would have a wedding far less a honeymoon without having the money themself to pay for it upfront.

As to buying a gift free up money, that's in my opinion a very mercenary way to look at it.

Meh, we had a wedding we didn't have the money for.

We had some elderly relatives that weren't going to last much longer and we wanted them to be at the wedding. We could have cut corners and not had our perfect day (and yes, I know, it *would* have been perfect anyway, yadayadayada), but we *chose* to get a loan so we could have everything just the way we wanted. The loan didn't stretch us financially, so I really don't think it's a big deal...and, ultimately, I think it was my business, not my guests', how I paid for my wedding. If they were sat around going "OMG, I'm having to hand over cash to pay for a wedding they can't afford", I'd be pretty upset tbh.

We had a website where we listed all the stuff we wanted to do on honeymoon and people could choose to pay for / contribute toward an individual thing in their card. We made sure the thankyou cards included a picture of us doing the specified thing, so we could "prove" to people that we'd spent their money as requested.

...but all that said, we'd probably still have done all that stuff whether we'd been given the money or not...So all their gifts really did, to be "mercenary" about it, was offset our debt a little.

...BUT the fact we didn't have so much debt meant we were able to afford to celebrate our first anniversary in Florence, which was lovely...OK, without their gifts, maybe we could have celebrated our second one there instead...but as is we celebrated our second one with a cruise in the Canaries...so our whole life, we'll always be, essentially, one slap-up fun-time holiday ahead - thanks to the generosity of our wedding guests.

..and it doesn't stop there! Kids! I'd like kids, but a) I want to be completely financial stable first and b) I want to feel like I've seen the world a bit, so I can know what I'm talking about when the kids ask me about it. So, this year, we're travelling quite a bit and saving up - so we can start a family next year...A whole year earlier than we'd have been able to afford it without our guest's genoristy. And of course, like everyone, we hope our children will outlive us...which means we'll have a whole extra year on earth with our children thanks to the headstart we were given at our wedding....What an *amazing* gift!

Now, you may call that a "mercenary" way of looking at it, all I know is I'm sincerely thankful that nobody got us a spare toaster...

Idiophreak

19lottie82 wrote: »

Getting into debt, not to mention 5 figure sum debt, for something that you do not NEED, is always daft. I'm not just talking about weddings.

...is your opinion. Not fact. You can show people you're presenting your opinion by saying "in my opinion" or "I think" or "If you ask me," all kids of ways.

Different people have different attitudes to things. The car you see as a waste of money puts the spring in another person's step for years. If everyone thought the same, life would be very dull.

19lottie82 wrote: »

My mother always taught me sarcasm was the lowest form of wit, but anyway.......... Yes of course I am giving them a gift. And where did I say that I would be personally offering my opinion to the bride and groom about if they decided to ask for money or not? I didn't. That would be rude. I am prepared to discuss my opinions on an internet forum, but that doesn't mean I would express them to a couple who had invited me to their wedding, as chances are they would be offended, so what would be the point in that?

It doesn't really matter whether you tell the bride or groom or not. Trying to understand why you think it's better to give people tat they don't want, rather than cash they do...