How late is considered rude?

coolcait

Maz wrote: »

... My daughter has invited two friends tonight for supper at 8, ....

If I got an invitation like that, I could work myself into a frenzy. Does she mean "Come to supper. Turn up at 8. The meal will be served thereafter".

Or does she mean "Come to supper - which will be served at 8 o'clock sharp. Be there, or go hungry. And be forever on my list of people not to invite".

In real life I'd pick up the phone - not text - and ask for clarification.

Billie-S wrote: »

...

As for turning up early. NOOOO! I hate that. This woman (a neighbour I don't know well,) came to my house the other week as I had been invited to a party at someone's house who I didn't know too well, and she said she would 'call for me and we could walk to the house together.' She was meant to be here at 7pm, and she came at 6.35pm.

I was getting ready in the kitchen, and I said 'go sit down if you want: in the lounge,' and she said 'I'm all right.' And she stood by the back door watching me doing my hair and make up. I was so uneasy that I cut short what I was doing, and went out with quite unkempt hair and my make up not right, as I was aware of her watching me. SO awkward! 5 minutes early is PLENTY early enough.

Again, that's lack of clarity. "if you want". She obviously didn't want to go sit down in the lounge. You wanted her to do that!

Yes, I agree that being too early is just as rude as being too late. But it's important to be clear on your own boundaries.

Saying something like "Come in! I'm not quite ready, but I'll get you settled in the lounge with the telly meantime. Do you want a cuppa while you wait? Or something stronger ?" gets the early visitor into the lounge more effectively.

barbiedoll

50 minutes late for supper at a friend's house is rude. I think 15-30 mins leeway is ok, if the hosts are aware that you're running late. I'm normally very punctual but you can't always plan for a last-minute phone call, a hair/make-up disaster or public transport/cab being late etc etc.

We used to hold quite a few informal parties, we would tell guests to come (for instance) between 7-8pm. One of my friends would ALWAYS turn up half an hour earlier "to help out" (in reality, she would drink a bottle of wine and make a nusiance of herself in the kitchen!) It used to really annoy me and it got to the stage where she came round early one time and I refused to answer the door.

My sister, on the other hand, is always late for everything, apart from work, where she is always at her desk half an hour early.
At Christmas, we tell her dinner will be ready, an hour before it actually is, just so that we don't have to keep her plate warm for ages (I refuse to make everyone else wait). On her wedding day, we were physically pushing her into the car in order to get her to the registry office on time! :eek:

Georgiegirl256

neneromanova wrote: »

15 mins with no contact is rude in my opinion. I arranged to meet up with my wedding photographer when we were looking around for one. She said a time of 9am. She didn't turn up til 10.30. We tried ringing and texting but nothing. Finally arrives and just a quick "oh sorry". No reason why or anything. I think she'd forgotten and was still in bed at 9. Some people really have no manners at all.

Did you still hire her after that? I don't think I would have done, that would have been a big no no for me, that she obviously wasn't reliable.

Pollycat

Maz
You've asked for other people's views but you haven't told us what your daughter thinks.

Does she think her friends were rude?
If she does, did she say anything to them?

I agree with another poster - from what you've posted it doesn't sound clear what the actual invitation was.

I'm obsessive about time-keeping (Think John Cleese in Clockwise :eek:)
I don't like people who turn up early - if I say I'm going to be ready for 7:30, I'll be ready at 7:30.
I won't be ready at 7:25.

However, I think being late (without a very good reason) is the height of rudeness.

It says 'my time is more important than yours so I can keep you waiting indefinitely'.

greenbee

I agree with Pollycat - Being late shows a complete lack of respect for the person waiting for you - it indicates that they see your time as being less valuable than theirs.

Having said that, I have a couple of friends who are slightly chaotic and tend to be late (they have got better), so the deal is that they always text me when they are on their way and (because the journey is over an hour and there may be delays) when they get to a specific point in the journey. The reason for the latter is that although we can be flexible about meal times for adults (and I ALWAYS do stuff for them that isn't time-critical), we usually need to feed their kids as soon as they arrive.

It works, because they are good enough friends for us all to have worked out a solution that we can live with as we value our friendship, and the lateness is something they are aware of an try to overcome.

People who just waltz in late when you have been waiting (or aren't in when you turn up at theirs on time/5 minutes late) with no apology are simply rude and have no respect for you.

I suggest that if this happens to your DD again, if they are more than 30 minutes late, she goes out - and if they say anything tells them that as they didn't turn up she thought she'd got the day wrong.

Lunar_Eclipse

I think it really depends on how you were invited. "Come for 8" is the norm around here, with dinner starting from 9. But if there was an explicit "we'll be eating at 8" (which in my experience is only used for very casual, mid week 'join us for supper' type evenings), then clearly you are expected to arrive earlier than that.

So on the basis that it's unacceptable to be early and a dinner party, I would be aiming to arrive about 8.15pm. In my experience, no-one arrives "on time" because it's nice to give the host a bit of leeway.

I would think it rude to hear nothing once we got to 8.30, but it wouldn't ruin my dinner plans since I work on a 9pm onwards sit down for an 8pm invite.

theoretica

I like invitations of 8 for 8:30 - which I translate as not before 8 but early enough to have finished faffing or had a drink by 8:30.

claire16c

krlyr wrote: »

I suppose it depends how it's worded. When my mum invites us for dinner at 5, she means sitting down to eat at 5. Therefore turning up at exactly 5 would seem rude to me.

However, if she invited me around for dinner, and said come at 5 (but I knew we would be eating slightly after that), I'd aim for 5.

OP's post isn't quite clear, if it's "invited for supper, at 8 o'clock" or "invited for supper at 8 o'clock"

Going to your parents is different to a friends dinner party though. We'd also get there a bit early for a chat etc before hand if my parents told us to come at x time.

But with friends where I might be wanting to put my make up on, make a really nice meal etc it's rather different!

whodathunkit

krlyr wrote: »

If I was invited for dinner at 8, I would get there for 7.30-7.45. I can't bear turning up just as dinner is going on the table, I think it's poor manners, I like to be early so I can offer a hand if needed, so the host can settle us in and then get on with cooking, etc.

Now , turning up early is really rude!

Pollycat

whodathunkit wrote: »

Now , turning up early is really rude!

Not half as rude as turning up 50 minutes late, though.