How late is considered rude?

SingleSue

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

If I invited someone for dinner at 8, I would expect them at 8. I wouldn't mind if they turned up at ten to, but would start getting annoyed at ten past.

8.50 without explanation is beyond the pale and I would not invite them again.

I'd be annoyed by 8.03! If I say 8, I expect them at 8 or a little earlier. In fact, I would be in mild panic mode at 7.58 if people had not arrived, worrying they were not coming at all.

But then I am a stickler for times.

Pollycat

I appreciate the OP has bailed out on this thread but it's just occurred to me that it sounds like from the 2nd quote that these 2 guests travelled separately by car but both turned up 50 minutes late.
Does that sound odd to anyone else?

Maz wrote: »

My daughter has invited two friends tonight for supper at 8, gone to a LOT of trouble and they both rolled up at 8.50 with no apologies or explanations.

Maz wrote: »

Both guests live about 5 minutes away by car and both travelled by car so no transportation problems there. There are no small children to be taken into consideration either, so no child care issues.

ETA:
I think this thread just goes to show that when inviting people over, you really need to be clear about what your expectations are time-wise.

twigpig

My answer would be different depending on what the invite is for, but in this case, for dinner/supper/anything food related, no more than 15 mins I'd say.

The hosts will have timed everything based on their guests arrival so you're not sitting too hungry while waiting, but not throwing the food at you as soon as you come through the door. I'd have timed things to be ready for about 8.15/8.20 if I asked people to come at 8pm.

If it was just drinks or even a casual bbq - then you'd maybe get 30 mins before I'd expect a warning that you're running late. A larger party or gathering with lots of people - maybe up to an hour......

Taadaa

If I invited MIL over for dinner at Christmas and she turned up TWO AND A HALF HOURS EARLY she would be wearing it. This is why she knows damn well not to mess with the Taadaa.

cheeswright

I once invited some people for dinner - and they turned up a whole week early !
The house was a tip and I'd just dumped the shopping bags out of the car onto kitchen floor ! - and it was very boring shopping too - not dinner party food
but as they come so far we had dinner anyway
homemade pizza and wine - lots of wine....and choc ices I think...


and then...they came back next week and had dinner with all the other guests...

Mayflower10cat

Laughing ruefully here. I've had the inlaws turn up embarrassingly early more times than I care to remember. Usually, they'll say they'll arrive early afternoon/just after lunch - then they are there, beaming on the doorstep as early as 8.45am. Oh yes.

A few Christmas's ago, they were coming to stay on the 24th to the 27th. My parents, my sister and her family and my brother were coming over Christmas Eve and we were making a massive veggie lasagne and swapping our presents. Our cottage isn't enormous and that made 9 guests. The arrangement was the inlaws were arriving about afternoon tea time, say 4ish as my family were on the point of leaving so we could all have a cup of tea together and say a quick hello/goodbye. However, at 1pm as the lasagne was being spooned out at the table and we were all a bit squeezed around the table (but it didn't matter really) guess who comes down the path with suitcases and bags, vacuum flasks, slippers and extra pillows..... ARGH!!!!!

When we invite friends round to eat, I'd usually say, come about 6.30 for drinks and nibbles (and if you want to come earlier you'll be roped in as my Kitchen Slave, ha ha..!) and we'll eat about 7.15pm. Maybe we're very lucky to have polite well mannered friends - we've never been let down by an unexplained lateness or no-show.

As an aside, I was taught by my grandparents (and also my parents) to write a 'thank you' note for the host & hostess the day after a party. Certainly if it was the first time you'd met them. After that it wasn't so crucial. Funnily enough, some of our friends are older than us, (closer to 60 than 50) and they've always sent us a little 'thank you' card after a nice meal. It's such a little thing, isn't it, but manners and a bit of thoughtfulness go such a long way.

dandelionclock30

time2deal wrote: »

I have a friend who is chronically late, and it has stopped being amusing. And it's generally because he has stopped somewhere for a 'quick' drink.

He was supposed to meet me last night at 7pm. At 7.15 while standing in the cold I called with no answer, so I went home (I've learnt!). Then at 8 pm I get a text 'just leaving now, where are we meeting!! '.

That means he was still at least 30 minutes away. He said he was still at work, but if that was the case he would have answered/called. He was clearly at a pub. It's beyond annoying. He is also under the illusion that when he does show up, somehow I won't notice he's has been drinking.

He did it once when I was mid cancer treatment. After a particularly depressed day at home alone, he said he would come over straight after work, should be about 6.30. I was really looking forward to some company, and had told another friend not to come over. 6.30 comes... 7.30... text 'Be leaving in a moment, just seeing John for a quick one' 8.30... 'walking to tube now! See you in 30' (which I foolishly believe) ... 10.45 I get a text. 'Just on my way now! Be there soon!' I told him to not bother...

It's really upsetting, but I fall for it over and over.

Why dont you just kick him to the curb, hes got no respect for you at all. He wouldnt be like this with his employer would he.