Toys, toys, toys and anxiety!

springdreams

We only have his side of the story, and as the thread has gone on, it seems only select parts at that ....

His wife may have a totally different story to tell

Yorkie1

springdreams wrote: »

We only have his side of the story, and as the thread has gone on, it seems only select parts at that ....

His wife may have a totally different story to tell

That is always the case on forums.

And the implication of this comment is that we never believe anyone's posts on here or offer any support or response.

springdreams

Yorkie1 wrote: »

That is always the case on forums.

And the implication of this comment is that we never believe anyone's posts on here or offer any support or response.

The point of my comment is that as we are not privy to all the facts, we are not in a position to judge the wife as controlling, uncaring, and career driven to the detriment of her children or marriage.

So yes, do offer support and provide your views, but only based on what we have actually been told, not what we are surmissing.

FBaby

jamiefly wrote: »

Her *neurologist who at the time would have liked to do the MRI (can't hands tied) costed it up at £60k 'if' someone was willing, they weren't. More than my nice cars and more money than we had back then.

*one of the best in the country.

I had to come back to this. What utter non-sense. Either it never happened, or you totally misunderstood the care your daughter was receiving. An MRI is nothing more than a diagnostic test and cost between £300 and a bit over £1000 depending on how many areas are scanned.

What could potentially cost more is the need for anesthetics because it is essential that the patient doesn't move and therefore in babies, if not asleep, anaesthetics can be easier. Anaesthetics are done on babies every day. Now it could be that due to her disorder, anaesthetic was not recommended and therefore required a more expert anaesthetics consultant to be there, but I can't see how this could make the costs rise to £60K. Never ever heard of such a thing!

Spendless

FBaby wrote: »

I had to come back to this. What utter non-sense. Either it never happened, or you totally misunderstood the care your daughter was receiving. An MRI is nothing more than a diagnostic test and cost between £300 and a bit over £1000 depending on how many areas are scanned.

What could potentially cost more is the need for anesthetics because it is essential that the patient doesn't move and therefore in babies, if not asleep, anaesthetics can be easier. Anaesthetics are done on babies every day. Now it could be that due to her disorder, anaesthetic was not recommended and therefore required a more expert anaesthetics consultant to be there, but I can't see how this could make the costs rise to £60K. Never ever heard of such a thing!

I was thinking similar. I have a benign tumour in my ear and have had to have intermittent MRIs over the past decade. In the early days they were covered by Bupa and cost in between £500-£700. There's an old post of mine (probably on the health board in a thread that talks about the price of MRIs where I say exactly how much it cost - obviously before I chucked the paperwork, I've just looked to see if i still have it to check!).

This was done at an NHS hospital because my neurosurgeon did both NHS and private work. My whole treatment/op was £12k back in 2002.

Even bearing in mind the need for an anaesthetist which I didn't, different costs involved for the needs for a child and that my medical issue is different it seems a fair whack more.

Sounds to me more like a treatment not available in the country, so need to raise the cost of it to travel elsewhere sort of price. The sort of story you read about in the paper or womens mags about fund raising to raise the cash.

Spendless

I've trawled through posts to see how the parcels are being delivered without the poster taking hold of them, to discover they are being left in the porch. What's the issue with returning them? I'm not a big user of on-line deliveries but I assume you can send them back?

I'm also a low earner married to a high earner and have been in the position of being tied to the house whilst OH builds a career by being able to put the time in to do so, whilst I couldn't leave the house to buy a pint of milk or arrange a medical appt for me without taking them with me, so I can understand the resentfulness that can come with it. Taking a job where the equivalent of all wages I'd earnt or more than I earnt would go in childcare costs due to no help cos hubbys wages were too high, was not a route I wished to go down. I went to college instead, initially doing it where there was a free creche running. This was under the last Government so there may be less spaces now, but looking into things running at places like childrens centres even if it's something that you wouldn't intially think you'd be interested in.

Re- she doesn't want to say you're a cleaner to her high flying colleagues. When my husband's career was starting to take off and he used to (jokingly) tell me 'he was an executive' and I used to reply that he had a wife who worked for min wage in a convenience store a few evenings, he used to reply 'that he had a wife who worked for pin money'. This was banter between us - before anyone starts!! But I do think it illustrates the point that you can see or say the same things from different perspectives, your wife can say the same if this is really an issue within her world of work.

paulineb_2

springdreams wrote: »

The point of my comment is that as we are not privy to all the facts, we are not in a position to judge the wife as controlling, uncaring, and career driven to the detriment of her children or marriage.

So yes, do offer support and provide your views, but only based on what we have actually been told, not what we are surmissing.

He said he's not allowed to work at the moment. That's not surmising. Not allowed to talk to others if he gets a job that's considered ordinary.

That's not surmising either. Telling your partner they are not allowed to work is controlling as far as I'm concerned.

And in most threads we get one side of the story, unless the other person posts as well.

paulineb_2

And there are clear problems. She's feeling so guilty she's over compensating by spending lots of money and he's not coping.

Not positive. Of course he might be contributing to the negativity in the marriage and it's not so one sided but when people start threads you get the point of view as they see it.

For what it's worth I don't think his attitude is doing him many favours, but it seems very much like she earns the cash, so she decides whether he works or not. And that's wrong.

They've got a lot of stuff they need to work on, for the kids sake as well.
But if they don't and just want to carry on like this, their choice.

MrsAtobe

I do have some sympathy with you OP, I work from home and it is incredibly isolating. People now get hold of me on Communicator, rather than ringing me, and I can go for days on end without hearing a voice that doesn't belong to me, my OH or the dog. This time of year doesn't help either.

The toy clutter I can't advise on, but have you considered getting some child care in place as others have suggested, and maybe doing a course during the day? Maybe a refresh of computer skills, to keep you up to date or something else that interests you? You'll be unlikely to hit the cliqueyness (is that a word?) that you saw at the toddlers group in that sort of environment, it'll give you some time away from the children to have adult conversations too. Another suggestion would be to volunteer at an animal rescue for some dog walking. A good walk in the fresh air with a few other people is one of life's simple pleasures, in my opinion, which seem to be lacking from your life at the moment.

A cage, no matter how gilded, is still a cage, and it sounds like you need some time out of yours. Good luck.

ETA - I did have sympathy, until I saw his last post just above mine, there's no need for rudeness.

poet123

If you only want responses that agree with you or sympathise (which I did to a degree) then a forum is not the place for you. It is never necessary to sink to that level of insult or language either.