Toys, toys, toys and anxiety!

paulineb_2

victory wrote: »

I'm not defending that way of thinking but I do know a few husband and wives set up where the husband works in London and the wife is expected to remain at home not doing ' any menial job' their words not mine as to not embarrass her husband, he says there's more credibility to saying ' oh my wife stays at home with the little ones' rather than the other, also wife is readily available to entertain, put on a show I would say but entertain he says, all the work colleagues at home ..... There are plenty of couples that think this way.

If someone was ashamed of the job I did, by default they would be ashamed of me.

I couldnt be in a relationship like that.

jamiefly

minimoneysaver wrote: »

What a bunch of judgemental people!!!

I applaud you for staying at home and raising your children while your wife is working. It can't be easy, as I've heard that many women are not at all welcoming at playgroups etc.

On the subject of the stair gate, I understand that your son was climbing over them and you are right, the advice in that situation is to remove the gates, same advice when the children are climbing over cot rails.

As for the presents, it is up to you what you do with them. I can't believe I've just read about 30 posts harping on about charity shops etc. One or two posts saying the same thing is more than enough. I can't understand why people were saying the same thing, over & over. I'm sure that you will find a way to get rid of the excess.

I would suggest that you sit down with your wife and let her see how much has been played with in a month. Maybe keep a running diary of the toys that are played with? It may help her to see in black & white that there are many things that are left sat in a box for months on end. There is also counselling. It may help her to understand the reasons why she feels the need to spend obscene amounts of money on 'stuff'

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

A poster who cheers me up (not just because we are singing to the same tune).

I have had a mixed bag of child groups, some women were so resentful and spiteful making me feel uncomfortable discussing womens things that really shouldn't be said in front of a man and in a way make no mistake to make me feel I shouldn't be there. On the flip side I now know some great mums and tots who are really understanding and involve me and there children (I even get invited round so the children can play and I can have a natter, increasingly the good mums are returning to work ).

jamiefly

LannieDuck wrote: »

Would she consider taking a long weekend off work and looking after the kids by herself? You could take yourself away to visit relatives/whatever you find relaxing.

If she's never experienced childcare by herself, you're fighting an uphill battle to convince her how draining it can be. Plus it sounds as if you could do with a break. When's the last time you had a weekend away from the children?

I've not had a day off since my beautiful babies arrived in this world. Occasional nights down the pub, never a full day.

whitewing

Sounds like everyone is not too happy. I really do think that your wife is feeling torn about being away from the children, albeit at a job that supports the family very well.

And gosh, yes, I know just how annoying and extensive large quantities of children's toys are. I think your wife does need to understand how depressing her generosity is in reality.

DKLS

jamiefly wrote: »

She doesn't even know how to change a nappy (properly) she spends plenty of quality time with them at the w/end when they become too much she dumps them back on me.

She took 5weeks maternity leave and complains when she comes home (flys out on a sunday, flys in on a wednesday or Thursday) ironically about the mass of toys strewn all over the place. It's a vicious circle, I tidy up and the children mess up, by the time they are both in bed asleep I am too tired to tidy up again.

I have worked with a number of women who sound similar to your wife, they can be so driven its intimidating. I knew one who was back to work 4 days after giving birth! and thanks to a couple of very late drunken nights that their success came at a price.

I get the impression and forgive me if I am wrong but I get the feeling that you have lost your identity somewhat in the past few years I am sure a job will help with that.


Do you ever get the chance to get a few hours to yourself whilst she is working?, sound like you could do with having a pint or 3 with a mate and putting the world to rights for a couple of hours or equally talking Shiite for a bit.


I do that with a mate who I only see twice a year, meet up have a few beers and extract the urine out of each other like we did when we were kids and before life became serious and responsible.

paulineb_2

jamiefly wrote: »

A poster who cheers me up (not just because we are singing to the same tune).

I have had a mixed bag of child groups, some women were so resentful and spiteful making me feel uncomfortable discussing womens things that really shouldn't be said in front of a man and in a way make no mistake to make me feel I shouldn't be there. On the flip side I now know some great mums and tots who are really understanding and involve me and there children (I even get invited round so the children can play and I can have a natter, increasingly the good mums are returning to work ).

So you just want posts on here who agree with you?

The chance you take when you post any thread on these boards is that people wont agree with you.

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a relationship thats not very positive, you might not be able to see how bad it is, because thats your life, your reality.

I think its far better that people raise their concerns than just say there there, it all sounds great and I dont think gender is the reason people have said what they said to you. People wont always agree but in the main Ive found people on here to be supportive when someone needs support.

Would you want this life for someone you love? Would you want it for your child when they grow up? Not being allowed to work, not being able to talk about a job they want to do? And youve already said that you are miserable.

You have choices, you can change things or try, but if you dont, you'll be sitting in 6 months time or a years time in exactly the same position and one day your kids will have their own lives and you might wonder why you ended up living a life that clearly isnt making you happy.

Person_one

jamiefly wrote: »

some women were so resentful and spiteful making me feel uncomfortable discussing womens things that really shouldn't be said in front of a man

Ok, come on, are you winding us up?

You can't seriously think you can bowl up at a group and then stop them talking about whatever they want to talk about, surely?

LannieDuck

jamiefly wrote: »

I've not had a day off since my beautiful babies arrived in this world. Occasional nights down the pub, never a full day.

You need a break. My OH and I are on the same page and both doing childcare (him during week, me primarily at weekends), and we still needed a break when DD was 1 1/2 years. Her grandparents took her for a weekend and we had a mini-break. We've done it once more since then.

Would either set of grandparents be willing to have the children for a weekend holiday?

paulineb_2

Person_one wrote: »

Ok, come on, are you winding us up?

You can't seriously think you can bowl up at a group and then stop them talking about whatever they want to talk about, surely?

Not womens things like periods surely????????

GobbledyGook

Person_one wrote: »

Ok, come on, are you winding us up?

You can't seriously think you can bowl up at a group and then stop them talking about whatever they want to talk about, surely?

To be fair some cliquey groups can be very horrid. At one I went too a number of the women took great pleasure in talking about how 'stupid' and 'gullible' any woman was who got cheated on and how the husband must not have been getting anything good at home etc.

I joined the group at a point where my marriage had fallen apart and they knew that's why I was there.

Sometimes there's something about toddler groups that turns people weird.