coworker enquiring about sexuality

burnoutbabe

It seems a normal sort of question in places I have worked (london media companies) but I tend to ask someone (if in the pub and we are chatting) whether they are courting or have a partner - so gender neutral terms and just play it by ear as to weather they say no, or yes and provide details.

I may mention the civil partnership I attended last year and how nice it was if I am wondering if they are trying to sus how "gay friendly" I am.

But then you pick up very quickly whether someone is happy to discuss their private life or if they don't want to and then just move onto other subjects.

Guggul

tir21 wrote: »

How would you deal with this situation

Recently a female coworker asked me if I was gay and if I fancied men

Is this something someone could get warned about

Is this something one should brush off? Doesnt really bother me that anyone should ask this but should I tell her that someone could take offence and she could potentially get in trouble for such a question

she wants to have sexual relations with you.

Do you fancy her at all?

If so, could try bending her over your desk or over the lavatory:A

Sinhanada

Why does this have to be a topic? A simple question yes - unless it was followed by a homophobic remark?

I despair at all the equality and diversity "training" a lot of us have to go through. It's simple - respect people's belief's - and don't try and ram yours down anyone else throat

MrSilk

Guggul wrote: »

she wants to have sexual relations with you.

Do you fancy her at all?

If so, could try bending her over your desk or over the lavatory:A

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

aileth

It's pretty simple.

Either, "Yes, so what?"
Or, "No, why?"

Then hand said co-worker a shovel and see how big a hole she digs herself.

kwmlondon

Sinhanada wrote: »

Why does this have to be a topic? A simple question yes - unless it was followed by a homophobic remark?

I despair at all the equality and diversity "training" a lot of us have to go through. It's simple - respect people's belief's - and don't try and ram yours down anyone else throat

Depends how it's said. I could ask an innocuous question but do so in a context that is bullying and offensive if I were such a person - I'm not. In the same way, if I'm sharing a giggle with a co-worked who I get on well with and we're being very open (I'm thinking pub after a sherry or two with some of the people I'm close to at work) someone could ask me the kind of question that if you took it out of context could get them fired, and I'd answer it and ask something just as scandalous in response.

Prothet_of_Doom

aileth wrote: »

It's pretty simple.

Either, "Yes, so what?"
Or, "No, why?"

Then hand said co-worker a shovel and see how big a hole she digs herself.

Brilliant.

I can imagine a real opportunity for fake anger.

The answer to No, why, has to be "Because I thought you might be" in which case you can rant a bit homophobicly.

The answer to Yes, so what?, has to be "Because I/my male friend wanted to go on a date if you were/were not" in which case you can rant about people making sexual advances at work. :rotfl:

kwmlondon

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Brilliant.

I can imagine a real opportunity for fake anger.

The answer to No, why, has to be "Because I thought you might be" in which case you can rant a bit homophobicly.

The answer to Yes, so what?, has to be "Because I/my male friend wanted to go on a date if you were/were not" in which case you can rant about people making sexual advances at work. :rotfl:

Okay - let's pick another example. A man, new in a workplace turns to a woman he doesn't know and asks "do you perform oral sex?"

Is that appropriate?

Is it okay to ask a question about someone's love life in a workplace if you don't know them?

If the woman is strong and can risk upsetting the guy she can say something like "you'll never know." But if that guy is a superior she may just have to giggle and accept being made to feel uncomfortable and keep an eye out to make sure she's never alone with that guy.

Asking if someone is gay is the same. It's prying into the love life of someone and it can be appropriate (if you know someone well and are sharing confidences) or it can be a way of starting to bully someone.

Bella73

Southend1 wrote: »

I can assure you it gets extremely tedious. No is often followed by why.

Coming out is not something gay people do once, it's something they do on a regular basis throughout life.

It shouldn't be necessary, but unfortunately it is, because the default is to assume someone is straight unless they tell you they aren't.

I get what you are saying but why do I need to know in the workplace? I don't care who any of my co-workers are seeing/sleeping with in their own time, I just don't see the relevance at work.

If you get to know someone and maybe become friends then yes it might come if there're on wishes it to but as soon as you meet someone no I don't need or want to know.

Southend1

Bella73 wrote: »

I get what you are saying but why do I need to know in the workplace? I don't care who any of my co-workers are seeing/sleeping with in their own time, I just don't see the relevance at work.

If you get to know someone and maybe become friends then yes it might come if there're on wishes it to but as soon as you meet someone no I don't need or want to know.

Don't ask then!

But also don't make assumptions about someone's sexuality.

Which is all fine if you are avoiding social chit chat.