coworker enquiring about sexuality

sniggings

Southend1 wrote: »

However in that case I would be adult enough to acknowledge that I caused you offence and apologise for that. I wouldn't necessarily be apologising for mentioning dogs, I would be apologising for offending you. Because it's not nice for others to feel offended, no matter whether or not you intended to make them feel that way.

I'm not prepared to discuss the issue with you any further, because by having expressed how much you are enjoying the fact that someone has been caused offence, you have pretty much discredited anything you have or are about to say on the subject.

whatever...I tried, I give up.

Southend1

duchy wrote: »

This I disagree with. I know people -both gay and straight who have chosen celibacy as a lifestyle for a time (both long and short term) . Most "stayed in the closet" about it...... For me -it was just another choice-No big deal. How would you interpret that ?

Sorry I was trying to point out OP's argument could work both ways. I wasn't saying that's what i believe.

tir21

Southend1 wrote: »

Yet straight people can't because there's only one way that would be interpreted?

I dont understand what you are getting at

If you take issue with me saying I dont mind gay people staying in the closet then you must think that is acceptable for someone to say its not ok for gay people to stay in the closet

Southend1

tir21 wrote: »

I dont understand what you are getting at

If you take issue with me saying I dont mind gay people staying in the closet then you must think that is acceptable for someone to say its not ok for gay people to stay in the closet

Sorry the point I wanted to make was that you state that straight people shouldn't be asked whether they are gay and one reason for this is that if they decline to answer the other person would construe that as a "yes". However you also think it's ok for a gay person to decline to answer and by doing so "stay in the closet". Would they not have outed themselves by declining to answer?

I disagree with the assertion that declining to answer can only be construed one way, so I think it's fine in either case not to answer (though not to be rude about it).

AP007

Southend1 wrote: »

Sorry the point I wanted to make was that you state that straight people shouldn't be asked whether they are gay and one reason for this is that if they decline to answer the other person would construe that as a "yes". However you also think it's ok for a gay person to decline to answer and by doing so "stay in the closet". Would they not have outed themselves by declining to answer?

I disagree with the assertion that declining to answer can only be construed one way, so I think it's fine in either case not to answer (though not to be rude about it).

No its protecting your personal life which I believe unless they are your mates you have the right to do.

Gay, straight or anything else

And I say that as a straight female with no kids, not married and no bloke LOL

Southend1

AP007 wrote: »

No its protecting your personal life which I believe unless they are your mates you have the right to do.

Gay, straight or anything else

And I say that as a straight female with no kids, not married and no bloke LOL

Well I'm glad we agree on one thing!

Bantex_2

tir21 wrote: »

If id refused to answer she'd assume I was gay. Maybe I shouldnt be worried but what's the point of allowing that misconception to circulate?

Sounds like you may have doubts.

Prothet_of_Doom

AP007 wrote: »

It shouldn't matter if they are and nor is it anyone else's business to be honest. Could be seen as sexual harassment.

There are too many people prepared to stitch up someone's career, based on an ill judged remark or question.

A simple "It's nothing to do with work, so please don't EVER, and I mean EVER ask me anything of a personal nature again" is all it would take. Or Perhaps "are you?" :rotfl:

kwmlondon

For some people their sexuality is a very upfront part of who they are, and I don't just mean gay people. Some mothers are very upfront about their kids, some men talk about their girlfriend(s) or dates a lot. That's fine, people are different, we all have our own identities.

However, I don't want people to think about my sexuality as being my defining characteristic. When I'm in work I tend to keep conversation off personal matters, except with colleagues who I know well and talk to the same way I talk to with friends. I'm not obviously gay. Some people are. That's who they are and they don't have the option of being neutral as I do. If someone asks about my "girfriend" or "wife" I'll correct them and say that my partner is a guy, but unless I actually get on with a colleague I prefer to keep my personal life separate from my work life.

If someone asked me if I'm gay at work I'd answer them based on the context, but if someone I didn't know that well asked me I'd probably say something like "I tend to keep my private life separate from my work life, if that's okay," with a smile and a change of subject onto a work matter.

However, I've worked with people who don't really have the choice - the moment they walk into a room you know their sexuality. It's tough for someone to be defined by people's perceptions of what you are before you've said a word. Many ignorant people will assume that a camp man/masculine woman will have a certain lifestyle/personality/interest and that's hard.

And yes, I've been gay-bashed for walking down the wrong street in Manchester. I try not to let things like that affect me but I would never show affection to my partner in public. There's always a part of me looking out for the random violence.

I'm also wondering how I've managed to cause floods by marrying my partner, if UKIP are to be believed. Should I go on holiday to Australia to help them with their drought now I've been given these superhuman powers?

tir21

I'm also wondering how I've managed to cause floods by marrying my partner, if UKIP are to be believed.

One person in ukip who has been disciplined