coworker enquiring about sexuality

tir21

I have no problem with gay people staying in the closet if they want to

Southend1

sniggings wrote: »

I am finding so funny about you getting so offended, it was clearly a reference to gay guy but hey if you wish to be offended, carry on as I do not apologise when I have don't nothing wrong.

oh and when you qualify the apology with "if I..." then it's next to worthless to me.

Yes, offending people is hilarious isn't it?

I know you were referring to gay guy's thread. But in doing so, you made a point that I found offensive.

Southend1

duchy wrote: »

As I mentioned earlier I worked with an officeful I worked for many years in a very "gay friendly" industry so had many gay friends and yes this topic came up several even many times.

I do believe that to be openly gay now is much easier than in even the recent past. My BIL came out (to the rest of the family-I'd known for years he was a good friend and had introduced me to his brother)when he was in his early twenties and I do understand that everyone's journey is different and some find it harder than others to come out and feel comfortable with it.

I'm in my early fifties and I genuinely don't even think of same sex couples as in any way extra-ordinary - and i do believe that is true of most of my generation (including friends who have gay sons or daughters) so with those who are younger why would there be an issue. I do believe lack of confidence in self can be confused with lack of confidence in talking about your choices. I think if you feel that way you're going to feel less than comfortable talking to others about anything you do that you feel makes you "different" and isn't really about sexuality at all.

I'd just like to be clear that I am gay, but I didn't choose to be so. That's who I am. I'm happy enough with that. What makes me uncomfortable about my sexuality is that some people (thankfully ever fewer) do have a problem with it. Those people are often not shy in telling people they have a problem, and I have experienced verbal and physical assaults because of my sexuality. So yeah, I guess that's why I'm not totally comfortable with it and may influence the fact that it's easier to tell someone who asks about my sexuality than someone who assumes I am straight.

AP007

Southend1 wrote: »

I'd just like to be clear that I am gay, but I didn't choose to be so. That's who I am. I'm happy enough with that. What makes me uncomfortable about my sexuality is that some people (thankfully ever fewer) do have a problem with it. Those people are often not shy in telling people they have a problem, and I have experienced verbal and physical assaults because of my sexuality. So yeah, I guess that's why I'm not totally comfortable with it and may influence the fact that it's easier to tell someone who asks about my sexuality than someone who assumes I am straight.

Yet you would knock someone out if they told you to f**K off for asking if they were gay.

Southend1

tir21 wrote: »

I have no problem with gay people staying in the closet if they want to

Yet straight people can't because there's only one way that would be interpreted?

sniggings

Southend1 wrote: »

Yes, offending people is hilarious isn't it?

I know you were referring to gay guy's thread. But in doing so, you made a point that I found offensive.

I think you are using the wrong word, offended is when someone says something to you to offend you, or they say something you misunderstand and take offence, you have said you understood the point I was making, then you can not be offended but maybe upset that what I said made you think of what you did, that gays should not be labeled gay, I stated a fact, i did not suggest gay people should come out by wearing T shirts, you have took what I have said and changed it, to "gay people should not have to be labeled gay", you getting that idea in your head, from what I said, does not mean I should have to aplogise.

It's like me saying you offended me because you mentioned dogs and I say that offends me as my dog has died, that would be just as daft.

Southend1

AP007 wrote: »

Yet you would knock someone out if they told you to f**K off [STRIKE]for asking if they were gay.[/STRIKE]

Yes. Telling someone to f*** off in the way described earlier in the thread can only be construed as offensive. Holding hands with your partner while walking in the park shouldn't offend anyone.

duchy

Southend1 wrote: »

Yet straight people can't because there's only one way that would be interpreted?

This I disagree with. I know people -both gay and straight who have chosen celibacy as a lifestyle for a time (both long and short term) . Most "stayed in the closet" about it...... For me -it was just another choice-No big deal. How would you interpret that ?

Southend1

sniggings wrote: »

I think you are using the wrong word, offended is when someone says something to you to offend you, or they say something you misunderstand and take offence, you have said you understood the point I was making, then you can not be offended but maybe upset that what I said made you think of what you did, that gays should not be labeled gay, I stated a fact, i did not suggest gay people should come out by wearing T shirts, you have took what I have said and changed it, to "gay people should not have to be labeled gay", you getting that idea in your head, from what I said, does not mean I should have to aplogise.

It's like me saying you offended me because you mentioned dogs and I say that offends me as my dog has died, that would be just as daft.

However in that case I would be adult enough to acknowledge that I caused you offence and apologise for that. I wouldn't necessarily be apologising for mentioning dogs, I would be apologising for offending you. Because it's not nice for others to feel offended, no matter whether or not you intended to make them feel that way.

I'm not prepared to discuss the issue with you any further, because by having expressed how much you are enjoying the fact that someone has been caused offence, you have pretty much discredited anything you have or are about to say on the subject.

duchy

You're making a mountain out of a molehill with that !