coworker enquiring about sexuality

Southend1

sniggings wrote: »

sorry but I never apologised as it's not my fault you took offence, I do not go in for this "if someone feels offended then you offended them" rubbish.

You clearly misunderstood my comment, I have clearly explained it 3 times now, yet you still do not accept it, that's up to you.

yes lets move on but it's you who should be apoligising.

Your intention may not have been to offend, but I find offensive the idea that someone thinks gay people should have to mark themselves out as gay through an item of clothing because others make assumptions that everyone they meet is straight.

I apologise if I have misunderstood what you were saying.

I'm sorry you aren't able to apologise in an adult way for inadvertently causing offence to others.

Southend1

duchy wrote: »

I think the point might be that perhaps you aren't as comfortable in your sexuality. Most gay people I know don'r feel as you do. People will always make assumptions about others -not just about sexuality but about class or income or belief or whatever. I think you're looking for something that for the vast majority of people doesn't exist because they won't know you well enough to care either way.

Perhaps. I wonder how many people really are 100% comfortable with their sexuality? Gay , straight or bi.

By the way, have you asked the gay people you know or are you just assuming they don't feel that way?

Southend1

sniggings wrote: »

maybe for those that are out, not so good for those that aren't.

as said, if someone is gay they will let you no, no gay person I know finds it offensive to be presumed to be straight, they will let youknow, but if they do not want you to know or they are not out, asking them the question will either make then lie or make them feel uncomfable.

whats worse, someone thinking you are straight or someone forcing the issue and asking you your sexuallity.

Have you asked them or are you just assuming this?

Forcing the issue isn't a good idea. People have the right to decline to answer.

sniggings

Southend1 wrote: »

Your intention may not have been to offend, but I find offensive the idea that someone thinks gay people should have to mark themselves out as gay through an item of clothing because others make assumptions that everyone they meet is straight.

I apologise if I have misunderstood what you were saying.

I'm sorry you aren't able to apologise in an adult way for inadvertently causing offence to others.

I am finding so funny about you getting so offended, it was clearly a reference to gay guy but hey if you wish to be offended, carry on as I do not apologise when I have don't nothing wrong.

oh and when you qualify the apology with "if I..." then it's next to worthless to me.

sniggings

Southend1 wrote: »

Have you asked them or are you just assuming this?

Forcing the issue isn't a good idea. People have the right to decline to answer.

asked who what? you have lost me again.

tir21

The only reason I can think of asking someone if they are gay is if you suspect they are gay

And if you think someone is gay and they haven't told you -maybe it's because they don't want anyone to know that are gay

So why risk asking soneone if they are gay if in order to be honest they have to out themselves?

tir21

Southend1 wrote: »

Have you asked them or are you just assuming this?

Forcing the issue isn't a good idea. People have the right to decline to answer.

Theres only one way declining to answer will ever be interpreted

sniggings

tir21 wrote: »

The only reason I can think of asking someone if they are gay is if you suspect they are gay

And if you think someone is gay and they haven't told you -maybe it's because they don't want anyone to know that are gay

So why risk asking soneone if they are gay if in order to be honest they have to out themselves?

exactly, well said.

tir21

When you speak to someone on the street is it offensive to assume they speak English

duchy

Southend1 wrote: »

Perhaps. I wonder how many people really are 100% comfortable with their sexuality? Gay , straight or bi.

By the way, have you asked the gay people you know or are you just assuming they don't feel that way?

As I mentioned earlier I worked with an officeful I worked for many years in a very "gay friendly" industry so had many gay friends and yes this topic came up several even many times.

I do believe that to be openly gay now is much easier than in even the recent past. My BIL came out (to the rest of the family-I'd known for years he was a good friend and had introduced me to his brother)when he was in his early twenties and I do understand that everyone's journey is different and some find it harder than others to come out and feel comfortable with it. Some people take years, others flaunt it and others just get on with their lives and never actually feel the need to "announce" anything. I suspect if I was gay I'd fall into the latter category so perhaps that is why I don't see the need to say anything at all.

I'm in my early fifties and I genuinely don't even think of same sex couples as in any way extra-ordinary - and i do believe that is true of most of my generation (including friends who have gay sons or daughters) so with those who are younger why would there be an issue. I do believe lack of confidence in self can be confused with lack of confidence in talking about your choices. I think if you feel that way you're going to feel less than comfortable talking to others about anything you do that you feel makes you "different" and isn't really about sexuality at all.Maybe if you've not yet found "the one" the issue is more about that than the gender ? I don't know what stage you're at but that occurred to me reading your posts.

Oh and I've always been completely comfortable with my sexuality I've never had any doubts that I'm straight - although I have had propositions from bi/lesbian women and it wasn't a horrifying thought more a "does not compute" reaction .