coworker enquiring about sexuality

kwmlondon

Bella73 wrote: »

I get what you are saying but why do I need to know in the workplace? I don't care who any of my co-workers are seeing/sleeping with in their own time, I just don't see the relevance at work.

If you get to know someone and maybe become friends then yes it might come if there're on wishes it to but as soon as you meet someone no I don't need or want to know.

If you're straight you have no idea how often in the most innocuous of conversations it's an issue:

"Where did you go at lunchtime?"
"Had to get a present for my partner."
"What did you get him?"
"I got her a bottle of Christian Dior perfume"
".... her?..."

"Are you okay? You look tired."
"My partner's got a cold, he snores."
"...he?..."

You can chose to evade the normal, run-of-the-mill conversations that make waiting for the kettle to boil go that little bit quicker, but if you are heterosexual around other heterosexual people you have no idea how core the assumption everyone else is like you is.

silverwhistle

I've never been asked such a clumsy question, although I have been subject to incorrect assumptions; it's not much point trying to change them and I really can't be ar**d.

I might have answered, "No, I'm asexual/into zoophilia/coprophagia" and see what reaction there was.. They might get the hint that the question was inappropriate.

I'm not asexual, although it sometimes feels like it , and I've no problems with people knowing I'm lesbian, but as kwmlondon has said, the assumptions can be wearing. I tend to mention that I play women's football - and then if asked about kids say that "No, Immaculate Conception seems to have gone out of fashion". No, you don't need to point out to me that there are lots of straight women footballers and lesbian mothers...

tir21

Southend1 wrote: »

Don't ask then!

But also don't make assumptions about someone's sexuality.

Which is all fine if you are avoiding social chit chat.

But some gay people don't seem to mind people assuming they are straight

tuphr

tir21 wrote: »

Its just strange as someone who is not bothered about anyone elses sexuality to be questioned about mine

I didnt want to deny it because that justifed the question so I tried to deflect the conversation but she insisted until I was forced to admit I'm not gay

Wish id stood my ground and refused to answer now though

:eek: That is harrassment - I'd go straight to HR and kick up a fuss. If you asked a woman in the workplace if she was a lesbian and then, if she fancied other women, you'd be standing in a courtroom right now.

Don't put up with it, it's a form of bullying and will go on and on unless you deal with it.

After you've told HR, tell the boss, your colleagues and everyone including the Janitor and she'll be embarassed as hell.

paulineb_2

Guggul wrote: »

she wants to have sexual relations with you.

Do you fancy her at all?

If so, could try bending her over your desk or over the lavatory:A

Im actually amazed you posted something like this on here, having posted something else on another board about half an hour earlier that sounded serious and had people concerned about you.

Vectis

Sinhanada wrote: »

Why does this have to be a topic? A simple question yes - unless it was followed by a homophobic remark?

I despair at all the equality and diversity "training" a lot of us have to go through. It's simple - respect people's belief's - and don't try and ram yours down anyone else throat

But he said he wasn't gay.....

(sorry, couldn't help that!)

sniggings

paulineb wrote: »

Im actually amazed you posted something like this on here, having posted something else on another board about half an hour earlier that sounded serious and had people concerned about you.

to be fair, just because someone has a laugh doesn't mean they are fine all the time, people have ups and downs, if someone was so bad that they couldn't post a funny on a forum then I would expect they probably would not be even turning the PC o in the first place.

Just be thankful s/he can still laugh.

Southend1

tir21 wrote: »

But some gay people don't seem to mind people assuming they are straight

I'm sure some straight people don't mind people assuming they're gay either. What's your point?

Southend1

kwmlondon wrote: »

If you're straight you have no idea how often in the most innocuous of conversations it's an issue:

"Where did you go at lunchtime?"
"Had to get a present for my partner."
"What did you get him?"
"I got her a bottle of Christian Dior perfume"
".... her?..."

"Are you okay? You look tired."
"My partner's got a cold, he snores."
"...he?..."

You can chose to evade the normal, run-of-the-mill conversations that make waiting for the kettle to boil go that little bit quicker, but if you are heterosexual around other heterosexual people you have no idea how core the assumption everyone else is like you is.

Couldn't have put it better myself. Sexuality is not just a matter of who you are sleeping with, it goes to the core of someone's identity and affects many different aspects of their day to day existence

SingleSue

kwmlondon wrote: »

If you're straight you have no idea how often in the most innocuous of conversations it's an issue:

"Where did you go at lunchtime?"
"Had to get a present for my partner."
"What did you get him?"
"I got her a bottle of Christian Dior perfume"
".... her?..."

"Are you okay? You look tired."
"My partner's got a cold, he snores."
"...he?..."

You can chose to evade the normal, run-of-the-mill conversations that make waiting for the kettle to boil go that little bit quicker, but if you are heterosexual around other heterosexual people you have no idea how core the assumption everyone else is like you is.

I would respond in exactly the same manner, to the first question, "Oh what a lovely present" to the second "Poor thing"

There would be no expression of shock or distaste, I would think it all perfectly normal.

To give a little more attention to your other comment about the assumption that everyone else is like yourself, I always think of everyone else being completely different to me as I don't fit the stereotype for a typical female (handbags, shoes, shopping etc), so I know everyone is different and don't make assumptions.