coworker enquiring about sexuality

kwmlondon

adouglasmhor wrote: »

Funny enough I am a white middle aged straight man and I have been attacked for being allegedly gay (not that it matters why I was attacked). I have also been actively against bigotry, since my early teens (that was the mid 70s).

Pretty poor that someone who seemingly purports to believe in equality panders to stereotypes like you just did in that post, poor show.

My post was not well phrased. My meaning was that if you look at the majority of the people who blithely state that there's no homophobia, sexism or racism are white straight guys.

It's a generalisation, but it's fair.

I'm white and male and I can empathise with a woman who complains about how a workplace is male-friendly but I'll never KNOW what it's like, if I've got any sense I'll try to understand and learn. It's like being right handed and never realising how damn hard it is to open a tin or cut some paper - the world is designed for me by people like me. It's easy to dismiss left-handed scissors or tin openers as pointless if you're right handed. It's only after seeing your son struggling to use these items that you'll have that realisation that maybe things could be easier (that's an example, not my experience).

YOU may have the ability to listen to people who are NOT LIKE YOU and instead of dismissing them, support them and give them a fair hearing. That is rarer than you think.

I think that most people would not deliberately chose to put barriers in front of people because of their gender, colour or sexual orientation. However, as time goes by the sexism, racism and homophobia become less about beating someone up or firing someone, than plain ignorance about how a place is very comfortable and easy for people like you, but is very hard work for anyone different.

A bit of education, open-mindedness and common sense can do wonders, but it needs a bit of work from everyone.

Good grief, I sound like a motivational speaker now...

adouglasmhor

Cheers for clearing that up. I am left eye dominant but right handed btw, so I have some empathy with your son. Though it's more specialised kit that flumoxes me sometimes.

Edwardia

When Madonna and Britney Spears snogged at the 2003 MTV Music Awards many people cheered.

When out gay singer Adam Lambert snogged his straight bass player at the American Music Awards in 2009 there were 1500 complaints and network chiefs banned him from several TV appearances including Good Morning America.

Double standards ? OK for straight women to do it, presumably for shock value, but not OK for a gay man to do it something he's done before in the heat of the moment onstage.

One Direction's Harry Styles wore a tshirt with I *heart* Louis on it. Louis Tomlinson wore a tshirt proclaiming 'Sorry girls I suck d*ck' and another from a well known Aussie gay surfing beach. They referred to each other as boyfriend, admitted they lived together and lip readers and microphones caught some dirty talk. Louis Tomlinson even tweeted a photo of Harry naked looking out of a window and captioned it something like come back to bed Harry I'm cold.

In 2011 it was confirmed that Louis Tomlinson had a girlfriend. he's since called the rumours about himself and Harry bulls*** and said that they are disrespectful to his girlfriend. His 80 year old step-grandfather allegedly got involved on Twitter and called fans vile and disgusting for believing the rumours. Rumours which Harry and Louis did everything to encourage in 2010.

Harry Styles told GQ that he's not bisexual and denied there's anything going on with Louis live on Aussie breakfast TV.

So it's OK for straight people to blur lines to shock or to appear cool perhaps ?

It seems part of the same straight person acting gay in movies thing eg Robert Pattinson in Little Ashes and Colin Firth in A Single Man.

There are gay actors out there eg Sir Ian McKellen, Rupert Everett, Matt Bomer, Neal Patrick Harris, Chris Colfer, Sir Patrick Stewart and Wentworth Miller to name but a few but usually they don't get picked to play the roles.

LGBT people get depicted by straight people because I guess that's non-threatening to straight people somehow ?? It sends the message though that we can't be seen as ourselves, that it's wrong - but it's OK to pretend for an awards ceremony or a movie.

We will continue to fight for equality as it's about time we got it.

tir21

Stephen fry played oscar wilde

AP007

Edwardia wrote: »

There are gay actors out there eg Sir Ian McKellen, Rupert Everett, Matt Bomer, Neal Patrick Harris, Chris Colfer, Sir Patrick Stewart and Wentworth Miller to name but a few but usually they don't get picked to play the roles.

LGBT people get depicted by straight people because I guess that's non-threatening to straight people somehow ?? It sends the message though that we can't be seen as ourselves, that it's wrong - but it's OK to pretend for an awards ceremony or a movie.

We will continue to fight for equality as it's about time we got it.

It's called acting for a reason. There are lots of so called gay actors playing straight roles in movie land

laurel7172

Thank you for an interesting thread. As far as gay co-workers are concerned, my experience is that people drop in a gendered pronoun when they've decided they want you to know. It saddens me, because it's something that nobody should have to think about. There seems to be a bizarre double standard where it would be fine for me (female) to declare my sexuality (mention a husband) on the first day at work, but if a male colleague used exactly the same words it could be interpreted as LOOK-AT-ME-I'M-GAY.

It's all rather juvenile, and I look forward to the time when nobody's counting. It's coming, but not fast enough.

tir21

Sir ian mckellan played james whale in gods and monsters

sniggings

tir21 wrote: »

Sir ian mckellan played james whale in gods and monsters

isn't he one bad actor tho...sorry nothing to do with the thread but I had to say it.

Tiglath

I've never heard that Patrick Stewart is gay - he's onto his third wife. Personally I don't care what someone's sexuality is, and yes there should be equality.

prowla

I didn't know that Patrick Stewart was gay either.

To me I'd like to know that a co-worker was gay; it might help avoid an unnecessary awkwardness at some point in time.