coworker enquiring about sexuality

adouglasmhor

Edwardia wrote: »

When Madonna and Britney Spears snogged at the 2003 MTV Music Awards many people cheered.

When out gay singer Adam Lambert snogged his straight bass player at the American Music Awards in 2009 there were 1500 complaints and network chiefs banned him from several TV appearances including Good Morning America.

Double standards ? OK for straight women to do it, presumably for shock value, but not OK for a gay man to do it something he's done before in the heat of the moment onstage.

One Direction's Harry Styles wore a tshirt with I *heart* Louis on it. Louis Tomlinson wore a tshirt proclaiming 'Sorry girls I suck d*ck' and another from a well known Aussie gay surfing beach. They referred to each other as boyfriend, admitted they lived together and lip readers and microphones caught some dirty talk. Louis Tomlinson even tweeted a photo of Harry naked looking out of a window and captioned it something like come back to bed Harry I'm cold.

In 2011 it was confirmed that Louis Tomlinson had a girlfriend. he's since called the rumours about himself and Harry bulls*** and said that they are disrespectful to his girlfriend. His 80 year old step-grandfather allegedly got involved on Twitter and called fans vile and disgusting for believing the rumours. Rumours which Harry and Louis did everything to encourage in 2010.

Harry Styles told GQ that he's not bisexual and denied there's anything going on with Louis live on Aussie breakfast TV.

So it's OK for straight people to blur lines to shock or to appear cool perhaps ?

It seems part of the same straight person acting gay in movies thing eg Robert Pattinson in Little Ashes and Colin Firth in A Single Man.

There are gay actors out there eg Sir Ian McKellen, Rupert Everett, Matt Bomer, Neal Patrick Harris, Chris Colfer, Sir Patrick Stewart and Wentworth Miller to name but a few but usually they don't get picked to play the roles.

LGBT people get depicted by straight people because I guess that's non-threatening to straight people somehow ?? It sends the message though that we can't be seen as ourselves, that it's wrong - but it's OK to pretend for an awards ceremony or a movie.

We will continue to fight for equality as it's about time we got it.

Patrick Stewart isn't actually gay.

adouglasmhor

I had a chance to meet and interview Stewart at a press gig for JEFFREY years back. (and belive me, he's even sexier in person than he is onscreen.) When I asked him about the gay rumors, his answer couldn't have been more gracious. (quoting from memory here" "I'm terribly flattered that all those people want to believe I'm like them. That's a very high compliment." Now THAT is class.

Posted by: jomicur | May 30, 2013 11:50:55 AM

From a gay forum and a google search.

terra_ferma

prowla wrote: »

I didn't know that Patrick Stewart was gay either.

To me I'd like to know that a co-worker was gay; it might help avoid an unnecessary awkwardness at some point in time.

Maybe you'd want them to wear some kind of badge, so that they don't have to spend their life outing themselves to people who need to know because they may feel awkward at some point around them.
So your problem of feeling awkward towards some other people becomes their problem.

Edwardia

Sorry got the wrong Trekkie apologies Sir Patrick

Terra_firma has a good point. Why should I have to adapt any aspect of my life to accommodate the prejudices of others ?

mattcanary

!!!!!! what a ridiculous thread.

Colleague asks OP if he's gay. He can say yes or no, or I'd rather not say. Or indeed ca walk away without answering if he wnts to.

People suggesting he pull he up for sexul harassment just for asking this question - get a life

People do converse in offices and other workplaces you know? And they don;t always talk about work-related subjects. Doing this is not unprofessional as long as they also get along with their work!

prowla

terra_ferma wrote: »

Maybe you'd want them to wear some kind of badge, so that they don't have to spend their life outing themselves to people who need to know because they may feel awkward at some point around them.
So your problem of feeling awkward towards some other people becomes their problem.

That's a fine bit of word twisting.

But yes, if I said something which offended somebody, then yes I would feel awkward, but I'd get over it and hopefully so would they.

It's not just in relation to being gay; it could apply to any other number of topics which certain people in a group might be uncomfortable with, and it is not a bad idea to steer away from things which might cause offence/awkwardness.

mattcanary

kwmlondon wrote: »

It was probably funny if you slapped a woman's !!! as well when she walked through the office - she would have laughed along with the "banter." I guess calling a black guy a n****r and a w*g was hilarious - I guess he would have laughed just as much. How did that woman feel when she got on the bus afterwards? Did she have to take vallium to get to sleep? How did the black guy feel when he wasn't around all the rest of the guys?

I'm sure you remember it as a great time when you could all share a joke, but you weren't the one being felt up, having to be careful who you were alone in a room with . You didn't have to worry about skinheads attacking you and your family and then "laugh" along with the racism at work to add insult to the injury you could face when the national front took issue with your colour.

Yes - the only people not complaining about racism, sexism and homophobia are white, middle-aged straight men. Do you know why that is? Because they don't get unwanted hands on their skirts, unjustified stop and search or get beaten up for being gay.

No, what they have to suffer is far, far worse - they can't make racist or sexist jokes. My heart bleeds....

And they were probably making jokes about him because of being bald/shorty/fat/lanky,ginger, whatever. They can get bullied as well you know. And men in a predominantly female work environment too,

Besides, I get the sense that he's just saying that the standards of the 1970s were far different to those of the 2010s. Don't think he was saying they were right in those days.. Nor are they right nowadays. Think he was suggesting that we should all get some perspective......

RuthnJasper

AP007 wrote: »

It's called acting for a reason. There are lots of so called gay actors playing straight roles in movie land

John Barrowman got turned down for the role of Will in 'Will and Grace' because they thought he was "too straight". Ironically the part went to a straight actor.

It doesn't matter a bit to me if a person is gay or straight. But I probably wouldn't ask someone about it in the workplace...

mattcanary

kwmlondon wrote: »

My post was not well phrased. My meaning was that if you look at the majority of the people who blithely state that there's no homophobia, sexism or racism are white straight guys.

It's a generalisation, but it's fair.

I'm white and male and I can empathise with a woman who complains about how a workplace is male-friendly but I'll never KNOW what it's like, if I've got any sense I'll try to understand and learn. It's like being right handed and never realising how damn hard it is to open a tin or cut some paper - the world is designed for me by people like me. It's easy to dismiss left-handed scissors or tin openers as pointless if you're right handed. It's only after seeing your son struggling to use these items that you'll have that realisation that maybe things could be easier (that's an example, not my experience).

YOU may have the ability to listen to people who are NOT LIKE YOU and instead of dismissing them, support them and give them a fair hearing. That is rarer than you think.

I think that most people would not deliberately chose to put barriers in front of people because of their gender, colour or sexual orientation. However, as time goes by the sexism, racism and homophobia become less about beating someone up or firing someone, than plain ignorance about how a place is very comfortable and easy for people like you, but is very hard work for anyone different.

A bit of education, open-mindedness and common sense can do wonders, but it needs a bit of work from everyone.

Good grief, I sound like a motivational speaker now...

You sound like a somewhat humourless bureaucrat that over-analyses things.

What happens for a man in a predominantly female workplace or career - eg: floristry. Are then then subject to these same troubles in reverse?

Or maybe it just depends on the individual workplace and individuals within it. Most people just try to get on with each other the best they can for most of the time. And may make the ocasional mistake in this overall goal. Big deal.

And what riles me even more than a woman that automatically thinks men are inherently sexist, is a man that constantly denigrates his own sex, thinking himself and all other men inferior to women.

terra_ferma

prowla wrote: »

That's a fine bit of word twisting.

But yes, if I said something which offended somebody, then yes I would feel awkward, but I'd get over it and hopefully so would they.

It's not just in relation to being gay; it could apply to any other number of topics which certain people in a group might be uncomfortable with, and it is not a bad idea to steer away from things which might cause offence/awkwardness.

So if they feel awkward it is their fault and they should out themselves so that you don't say certain things around them. What about not saying things that could make people feel awkward, particularly in the workplace? It's not just gay people (or whatever group) who feel uncomfortable, it's also people who are straight but may have a friend/relative who is gay, or just don't like prejudice (I assume you are talking about things like jokes and innuendo about sexuality/masculinity etc.)
I bet Edwardia hears all sorts of things when people assume she is straight and can say what they like about gay people...