coworker enquiring about sexuality

terra_ferma

tir21 wrote: »

The only reason I can think of asking someone if they are gay is if you suspect they are gay

And if you think someone is gay and they haven't told you -maybe it's because they don't want anyone to know that are gay

So why risk asking soneone if they are gay if in order to be honest they have to out themselves?

It's an incredibly stupid question that can only cause problems, unless that person was already planning to come out in the workplace, and the colleague asking was the 'chosen one' to come out to....
Forcing someone to come out when they don't want to, they are not ready is a form of bullying.

However it's also not acceptable in the workplace to enquire about someone's sex life, like 'how many times do you do it a week' 'do you like sex in the missionary position'. It should be treated in the same way and could be reported in the same way if the OP chooses to.

terra_ferma

t0rt0ise wrote: »

It's a sign of the times that people are starting to ask about sexuality just as they might ask if you have any children or where you live. Nobody thinks those questions are particularly intrusive, we generally just answer them. So it is becoming normal to casually ask about someone's sexuality. It's just another question and a means of getting to know someone. Some people are more old fashioned and see it is inappropriate.. they'll eventually catch up.

Ok so if someone at work was to ask you about your particular sexual preferences that would be Ok to you, but may not be Ok to a lot of other people (myself included, what I do in the bedroom-or other places as I see fit-is my business and nobody else;s unless I choose to share it with them).

terra_ferma

Edwardia wrote: »

Actually I disagree. I'm a female bisexual married to a heterosexual man. When I was the victim of homophobia the police wouldn't even record it because in my local police officer's brain, being a female married to a man automatically makes me heterosexual.

The opposite of being Out is In The Closet, so if you say there's no need to come out, then really isn't that like expressing a wish that all LGBT people were still in the closet ie invisible ?

I'd find questions intrusive, it's up to me to share about my private life and I would leave it to others to do the same if they wished.

I find straight people are often very good at talking the talk, but when faced with a LGBT co-worker or relative they very often do seem to feel it their right to make offensive remarks under the guise of humour. It happens on MSE DT too.

Good on you for not hiding behind the heterosexual patina of your marriage. It must be hard to embrace a bisexual identity in your day to day life, work, family, it challenges a lot of preconceptions

kwmlondon

thistledome wrote: »

Ever since we've had enforced political correctness, people seem to be even more offended than ever. In fact, the only people who aren't walking around in a permanent snit of offendedness are able-bodied white heterosexual males between 25 and 45.

I remember the workplace banter we had in the 1970's. It would get you thrown into jail today, but nobody in our factory was offended. We all laughed our heads off at it.

It was probably funny if you slapped a woman's !!! as well when she walked through the office - she would have laughed along with the "banter." I guess calling a black guy a n****r and a w*g was hilarious - I guess he would have laughed just as much. How did that woman feel when she got on the bus afterwards? Did she have to take vallium to get to sleep? How did the black guy feel when he wasn't around all the rest of the guys?

I'm sure you remember it as a great time when you could all share a joke, but you weren't the one being felt up, having to be careful who you were alone in a room with . You didn't have to worry about skinheads attacking you and your family and then "laugh" along with the racism at work to add insult to the injury you could face when the national front took issue with your colour.

Yes - the only people not complaining about racism, sexism and homophobia are white, middle-aged straight men. Do you know why that is? Because they don't get unwanted hands on their skirts, unjustified stop and search or get beaten up for being gay.

No, what they have to suffer is far, far worse - they can't make racist or sexist jokes. My heart bleeds....

tir21

I remember the workplace banter we had in the 1970's.!

The 70's sounds bloody awful

tir21

Nobody thinks those questions are particularly intrusive,

Many on here seem to

Some people are more old fashioned and see it is inappropriate.. they'll eventually catch up.

I wont ever catch up if that's what it is. I will never ask anyone if they are gay

adouglasmhor

kwmlondon wrote: »

Yes - the only people not complaining about racism, sexism and homophobia are white, middle-aged straight men. Do you know why that is? Because they don't get unwanted hands on their skirts, unjustified stop and search or get beaten up for being gay.

Funny enough I am a white middle aged straight man and I have been attacked for being allegedly gay (not that it matters why I was attacked). I have also been actively against bigotry, since my early teens (that was the mid 70s).

Pretty poor that someone who seemingly purports to believe in equality panders to stereotypes like you just did in that post, poor show.

cazziebo

thistledome wrote: »

I remember the workplace banter we had in the 1970's. It would get you thrown into jail today, but nobody in our factory was offended. We all laughed our heads off at it.

I remember it too, and probably laughed. Doesn't mean I wasn't offended and cried when I went home because a man 30 years older than me thought it was okay to grope me. Back then it was just accepted that you picked your battles and put up with the rest. Most people are not confrontational and will play along rather than cause a scene. "Nobody" and "all" are pretty huge assumptions...

It was reported that DLT said that fondling a co-workers breasts was "just flirting in the 70s". Never acceptable.

Back on topic - It's difficult to draw a line between "interested chatter" and "rude nosiness" especially at work. There isn't always a hidden agenda and some people are just unintentionally rude. I was a divorced single mother. When people asked if I was married or had children I'd put it down to interest. When I was asked, as I was often, was I the dumper or the dumped - that's just rude nosiness. Still answered (Dumped!) but doesn't make it an inoffensive question.

prowla

OTOH, it could have been that the coworker had a load of great gay jokes they were bursting to tell, but wanted to get the lie of the land in order to make sure that nobody was offended by them.

Edwardia

kwmlondon wrote: »

Yes - the only people not complaining about racism, sexism and homophobia are white, middle-aged straight men. Do you know why that is? Because they don't get unwanted hands on their skirts, unjustified stop and search or get beaten up for being gay.

No, what they have to suffer is far, far worse - they can't make racist or sexist jokes. My heart bleeds....

Exactly. :T The majority doesn't get the abuse so can't understand it. A straight person never gets fired for being straight for example.