Children and violence

Kayalana99

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I had a falling out with one girl and she 'attacked me' on three occasions, teachers saw at the time but did nothing - it wasn't until I hit her and floored her that I got dentition?If teachers had stepped in eariler then it wouldn't of happened!! (and yes she hit me as well but because I did the most damage Im the one in trouble ofc..)

I know the thread has moved on abit, but thought I would expand on this.

It ended with us having an even bigger fight where she attacked me again, and this time my friends got invovled and her brother got invovled.

We got sat down, and got a 'talking to'....and her brother got expelled for punching a teacher.... first time offense but he was trying to punch one of us and I don't think he realised at the time it was a teacher pulling him off us.

So that message to me is its OK to hit a pupil but not ok to hit a teacher? Bare in mind we was in year 8-9 her brother was younger not older.

FYI I was a quiet kid at school, didn't get myself in trouble and she had aggressive behaouir - I basicly told her I didn't want to be friends with her anymore and she took it badly.

It amazes me what you can get away with at school but if you were on the street its another matter!

And to Fbaby I think it was you who said that you would just tell them 'Don't do it again or I'll do something about it' what are you going to do tell a teacher? have you ever BEEN in that situation? NO because you would get laughed at and most likey hit again! It is NOT always possible to walk away ...maybe run if your fast enough but with school theirs always tomorrow...

paulineb_2

When I was about five I had a friend so called who was always niggling at me, we had been neighbours but went to different schools and both moved to the same area. One day we were out playing and she was doing her usual and started annoying me, she was shoving me and I turned around and smacked her, my mum was watching from the window and she wasn't upset with me, she knew how much the other girl thought she could get away with. I don't think at that age I would have thought about it, I just got fed up with someone who was bigger than me and always trying to shove me about doing it again and I hit her back. She wasn't expecting it, she ran off crying to her mum, but she never did it again.

Sometimes if you do physically connect with people, its instinctive. As an adult I don't hit people, I'm not violent. But I absolutely agree that some schools don't have bullying policies worth the paper they are printed on. I was bullied for a long time at primary school by an older girl and teachers did nothing and in the end it was the girls threat to try and drown me that made me tell my mum who told her in no uncertain terms, back off and stay away. I wasn't the only one, but anytime I was bullied at primary school, the girls came from very dysfunctional homes, some kids deal with the stuff that's going on in their own lives by bullying other people. Always fighting, always looking for a fight. At 8 years old, that's sad.

Also, some teaching staff might want to act positively to help kids, but there are schools where there is very weak management, we don't have governors in Scotland, schools are run by the local councils, there are some schools that are in deprived areas where by the time kids are 12, goodness knows what they've seen at home, I live in an area that's very deprived. Some kids have horrendous backgrounds and that doesn't excuse bullying, but the only way some kids get attention is to play up in school.

DKLS

Until teaching staff can effectively deal with bullies I would suggest that hitting back and going for the ring leader is the correct advice it certainly worked for me.

Carl31

I was taught the same

One particular bully was starting on all the boys in my class, making their life hell. He had a pop at me, so i cracked him one in the mouth

Never touched me, or my classmates again after that

the 'punch them back, if they punch you' is a basic way of saying, dont take any !!!!!! - I have friends that didnt fight back with the bullys, and as adults are severely afftected with confidence due to the bullying

im not saying its an ideal soloution, there isnt one, but it is a quick and easy way of teaching self confidence.

Carl31

paulineb wrote: »

When I was about five I had a friend so called who was always niggling at me, we had been neighbours but went to different schools and both moved to the same area. One day we were out playing and she was doing her usual and started annoying me, she was shoving me and I turned around and smacked her, my mum was watching from the window and she wasn't upset with me, she knew how much the other girl thought she could get away with. I don't think at that age I would have thought about it, I just got fed up with someone who was bigger than me and always trying to shove me about doing it again and I hit her back. She wasn't expecting it, she ran off crying to her mum, but she never did it again.

Sometimes if you do physically connect with people, its instinctive. As an adult I don't hit people, I'm not violent. But I absolutely agree that some schools don't have bullying policies worth the paper they are printed on. I was bullied for a long time at primary school by an older girl and teachers did nothing and in the end it was the girls threat to try and drown me that made me tell my mum who told her in no uncertain terms, back off and stay away. I wasn't the only one, but anytime I was bullied at primary school, the girls came from very dysfunctional homes, some kids deal with the stuff that's going on in their own lives by bullying other people. Always fighting, always looking for a fight. At 8 years old, that's sad.

Also, some teaching staff might want to act positively to help kids, but there are schools where there is very weak management, we don't have governors in Scotland, schools are run by the local councils, there are some schools that are in deprived areas where by the time kids are 12, goodness knows what they've seen at home, I live in an area that's very deprived. Some kids have horrendous backgrounds and that doesn't excuse bullying, but the only way some kids get attention is to play up in school.

Quite right, children are still too immature to understand why they are bullying, or why they feel anger, but anyone would understand that if they do something, it results in a punch in the mouth, it might not be something they should do again

A lot of bullying is psychological, threats of violence, threats of harrassment, threats of embarassment or humiliation for their target. Over time, this can be mentally damaging for the target, more so than a quick punch up. Sometimes a short, sharp strike is whats needed to put a stop to things there and then

valk_scot

My 12 yr old DD has never hit another person in anger in her life. Scuffles with her brother yes, but nothing violent. So when she came home with a black eye last term I was amazed. Apparently two of the bully girls from the next class up had jumped on her on the way back from school because she was "posh" and one of them punched her in the face. DD may not be violent normally but she's a tall, athletic girl and she basically decked one of them and the other backed off, fell over a wall and hit her head. Not badly but enough to start her crying. In fact they both started crying and ran away. This was witnessed by several other kids walking home from the school btw.


So...next day I go into school to see the head of house and complain. I was told that since the incident had happened off the school premises they couldn't get involved but that they would "keep an eye on things". DD said she'd told me that this was what would happen. Go and speak to the other parents? No idea who they were. I briefly considered the police but no, I couldn't see myself doing this unless the bullying happened again.


But it hasn't happened again. The girls have given DD a very wide berth ever since and in fact DD has picked herself up something of a reputation as not to be messed with. As I said she's not a violent type, she's a quiet and sensible child and we've always been a no hitting family. But I can't quite bring myself to disapprove of her hitting that girl back. What was she to do? Run away? How would that discourage them jumping her the following day then? I think she did the right thing.

MothballsWallet

Person_one wrote: »

I hope the other kid's parents informed the police.

And I hope the police take one look at the whole history involved and either drop the case or arrest the other kid's parents.

Domayne

swingaloo wrote: »

At the risk of getting flamed I have to say-

When I was young it was common to fight at school mostly for the boys but there was a bit of hair pulling and scratching from the girls. It did no one any harm, it was common place. So was getting a slap if you misbehaved at home or at school.

No teenagers were mugging old ladies or carrying knives. (Im sure there were some but few and far between) murder was front page news not a common event and the world was a far better place to bring your children up in.

To all those who says that violence breeds violence, please explain why children, teenagers and adults behaved better in those days and the streets were safer to walk than today when no one is allowed to use corporal punishment back then.

And yes, if my child was still in school I would be telling him to thump anyone who started on him. Rather that than see him on the front page of a newspaper after killing himself because of bullies.

I agree with this - I wasn't of the generation that were still caned in school (I'm 29) but when I was naughty my mum used to give me a good whack and when I was REALLY bad - she would beat the living crap out of me My neighbor who is around the same age as me, his dad used to beat him with belts/spoons/anything he could get his hands on and I really don't think it did us any harm as neither of us are axe wielding maniacs

daisiegg

securityguy wrote: »

How many permanent exclusions have your school actually managed to do in the last, oh, five years? It's a hollow threat, because very few schools, and even fewer governors, actually follow it through.

I know this question was not directed at me but I have taught at the same school for four years now and there have been four permanent exclusions in that time. It is less common than it used to be but it does happen. All four of those exclusions were for violent behaviour as far as I know (we are not privy to all the details and I didn't teach any of the pupils involved).

pinkshoes

stix62 wrote: »

I honestly hope you never find yourself in that situation. Laugh and walk away?
It's all very well saying that on here but in a real life situation it wouldn't be that easy.

I certainly wouldn't hit back, that's for sure.