Children and violence

laurel7172

My son was doing kickboxing (and of course had had it impressed upon him that it was for sport only) when an older boy and his gang decided it would be fun to push him around, twist his arms up behind his back, wrestle him to the floor, sit on him and pound him. Every playtime and lunchtime for weeks. The school didn't care. XXX has issues, they told me. (Oh, that's all right, then. It's just *fine* by me if my less important child is afraid to come to school... :huh:) In the end, it was entirely down to their failure that I had to approach his kickboxing tutor for help. Couple of hours' coaching on Saturday, problem solved by five minutes into break on Monday.

My son is now a fine young man who has not decided it's fun to beat up small children because he was allowed to defend himself when his teachers failed. Apparently, the bully has also turned out better than one might have expected. As his parents and teachers were happy for him to torture other children with impunity, I like to think the lesson he learned that day might have been a turning point.

glitter_fairy

stix62 wrote: »

Precisely.

It's ok saying the kids shouldn't so this or that, but how would you react in that situation. Are you supposed to stand there and take another one. I don't think so!

TBH I have no idea what I would do, no one has ever punched me and hopefully never will. Im not sure I even know how to punch somebody.

ska_lover

Person_one wrote: »

Don't pretend you don't know what sarcasm is!

I don't really 'do' sarcasm I give it the relevance it deserves and just ignore it - I just tend to prefer to say what I actually mean, rather than an offhand attempt at tit for tat one-up-man-ship.

I can see that we will not agree on any points, but I don't feel the need to play those games, thank you. It doesn't drive me that mad that you do not agree with me. I am confident in my own views that I don't need everyone to agree with me or that I feel the need to attempt to pull you down in any way...But please..crack on...if that is what floats your boat...

I really am finding this thread to be developing hilariously, the people that are defending non violence, generally seem to be the ones with the most passive - aggression. The non violence debaters are the ones using the sarcasm / patronising / condescending posts. I find that really actually quite interesting

Sarcasm / patronising / condescending texts can be construed as bulling - and I have mentioned this on this thread now, for the third time - yet everyone is deliberately avoiding the obvious.

Person_one

laurel7172 wrote: »

My son was doing kickboxing (and of course had had it impressed upon him that it was for sport only) when an older boy and his gang decided it would be fun to push him around, twist his arms up behind his back, wrestle him to the floor, sit on him and pound him.

Nobody is saying you have to just passively let that stuff happen. If someone is actively hurting you its ok to use physical means to get them off and get away.

Some people here are talking about something completely different, where there is no immediate physical threat.

pinkshoes

ska_lover wrote: »

That is an interesting point Rach.

Is anyone else brave enough to answer it? If for some reason, you got into an argument and got punched, how do you think you may react?

Personally I would laugh and walk away.

I wouldn't lower myself to the same pathetic level as the person who hit me.

Walking away would irritate them more than hitting them.

(and as an adult would press charges against the person who hit me).

pinkshoes

Well at least I'm pleased to say that the school I work at does not tolerate violence, so sadly the two kids in the tutor group are on a warning, and if they hit anyone again, will probably face permanent exclusion.

From all the posts of parents who say they'd encourage their child to hit someone back, I guess it just shows what teachers are up against in the "fight" against violence.

GobbledyGook

Person_one wrote: »

Lets not forget the parents of the bullies, how many parents actually have frank and open conversations with their children about this?

I've never seen a single parent admit that their child is a bully, or that they pick on the 'weaker' ones, but clearly they exist.

I know of newer schools that have had the buildings designed to eliminate the usual places where bullying happens, and to leave them with nowhere to hide, but morality usually comes from parents, not teachers.

This is certainly something I agree with.

I wasn't going to say, but hey ho... My daughter was that child. I was mortified. I was also horrified when the school basically came up with a plan to tell the other child about the bad time mine had had (OH and I had split and my MIL went psycho). There was no element of punishment in it except for to say sorry. They were also stunned when I used the word bully - how else would you name someone who picked on the same child repeatedly over a month and showed no sign of stopping?

The lack of the word bully is part of the issue imo. My daughters school told me about a couple of incidents and I wasn't massively surprised as we were going through the mill. It wasn't until 4 weeks later that I discovered (not from the school) that it was the same child involved. I also discovered at that point after speaking to the school that the other child's parents were unaware that it was the same child involved (she was instigating things as well as actively doing things).

When your child is at school all day you rely on them letting you know what was going on. I thought my daughter was playing up - I had no idea she was actively targeting another child. She knew she was already in trouble - no 7/8 year old is going to voluntarily get into more trouble.

School policy on bullying is appalling. Mainly because HT's have nowhere to go. They can't threaten to expel a child, which was the biggie when I was at school, and they can't even really say they'll suspend them because it's now so difficult to exclude a child.

balletshoes

Person_one wrote: »

Nobody is saying you have to just passively let that stuff happen. If someone is actively hurting you its ok to use physical means to get them off and get away.

Some people here are talking about something completely different, where there is no immediate physical threat.

really? i think the majority of folk posting on this thread were talking about defending themselves when they'd been physically hurt first?

System

When my eldest was little I'd tell him if anyone hit him then he shouldn't hit back but tell a teacher.

Then the teacher would tell him off for telling tales. Where's the justice in that?

He then was told (and my other children were told too) only if they were attacked to hit back but twice as hard.

Whats a parent to do?

balletshoes

pinkshoes wrote: »

Personally I would laugh and walk away.

I wouldn't lower myself to the same pathetic level as the person who hit me.

Walking away would irritate them more than hitting them.

(and as an adult would press charges against the person who hit me).

someone punches you hard enough to hurt you, and you would laugh? I think I'd cry - honestly.