Am I right to be suspicious?

flutterby_lil

How are you getting on OP, have you confronted him?

opinions4u

In addition to different behaviours around mobile phones, tablets and laptops ...

Buying of new clothes. Underwear and socks included.

Joining a gym. Or saying he's joined a gym.

More time cleaning and grooming.

Slight change to working away patterns. Home a little later. Departs a little earlier. Overtime.

Suddenly likes a new singer / band.

Snaps at you in a way that makes you feel inferior, when he wouldn't have done previously.

Gets easily irritated by the normal things you do that never used to irritate.

Spending savings. Going overdrawn when doesn't usually. Overdraft being increased.

The credit card statement / bank statement could be a clue. Meals and hotels that wouldn't normally be there.

There's loads more. Google "signs of affair" and your eyes will be opened and you life saddened.

hazyjo

I'm wondering how many people are reading this thinking their OH is up to something...

As much as we're being very calm and factual with all we're posting, sometimes it's very easy to let our anger, humiliation and upset (from years ago sometimes) cloud the fact someone has realised the life they thought they had is about to fall apart.

Not saying sugar-coat it, I think facts are best, but just wanted to give a virtual hug to OP and anyone else reading this and suspecting.

It's a horrible damaging feeling that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (well, maybe my horrendous line manager who I wish all sorts on!). Emotions like this can seriously damage your trust for a VERY long time, if not forever.

Here if you need us, OP. Those of us who've been through it can be quite blunt - but that is what it does to you. If I thought someone else was going through that, I'd want to spell out every sign so they can at least find out and make a choice.

On a final note - if it is an affair and not just looking at !!!!!! or a flirty relationship with someone (which will lead to an affair!), it does not have to be the end of your relationship. Many say they'd never get over it (me included), but it's very different when you're actually in that boat.

Jx

anotheruser

How would the OP feel if they "investigated" their partner and found nothing... leading to no cheating?
I would feel awful that I am even thinking those thoughts about the person I supposedly love "till death do us part".

OP should just ask "how come you are so horny these days" or something similar.
Yes, be mindful of the other bits people have posted about but don't make yourself an issue of dis-trust when it might not be.

steph2901

hazyjo wrote: »

Agree cheaing partners often rediscover sex with their OHs.

Look for other signs...

When my first husband cheated, he started leaving his phone in his van overnight (despite previously being paranoid about leaving it there cos he was worried it'd get nicked).

He lost loads of weight (the affair started when he'd dropped a few sizes).

He wouldn't make future commitments like booking a holiday.

He'd be happy to nip out for things.

New clothes. Aftershave (as someone said above). Desire to look nice.

Going out with his mates when he previously didn't. My ex started (apparently) going out on a Fri night. He stayed out once or twice at 'his mate's' too.

Being snappy (he bit my head off for no reason on several occasions).

Think about who it could be. Who did he used to talk about at work but no longer does.

Working longer hours. (Make sure you ring him on his office number not his mobile.)

Someone, somewhere, is paying him attention.

Did he have a Christmas party? Did you go? Do you usually?

Check his phone records if you can.

Jx

This is exactly what happened with my ex-husband! He lost lots of weight, became secretive with his phone and took it everywhere with him and locked it in his car at night. He found excuses to pop out a lot. Started going out and staying out over night at "friends" houses (although I never met these friends). He wouldn't take part in any family activities nor would he agree to book any holidays (he'd almost bite my head off for suggesting it). Then he had a huge phone bill when he already had plenty of minutes and texts on his contract.

Turns out he was cheating and out the door he went! Best thing that ever happened to me as it turns out. I'm now with someone lovely

System

anotheruser wrote: »

How would the OP feel if they "investigated" their partner and found nothing... leading to no cheating?
I would feel awful that I am even thinking those thoughts about the person I supposedly love "till death do us part".

OP should just ask "how come you are so horny these days" or something similar.
Yes, be mindful of the other bits people have posted about but don't make yourself an issue of dis-trust when it might not be.

Or on the flip side if you snoop and find something..

.. But can't say anything cos you know the other person would just turn it on you for snooping in the first place. Put me in a crap position knowing but not being able to do anything about it. I should have just left but was still in love with him

I'm ashamed to say in a new relationship I did once look at messages, and found nothing. I swore never to do it again and still feel bad to this day. But

*Louise*

anotheruser wrote: »

How would the OP feel if they "investigated" their partner and found nothing... leading to no cheating?

Relieved?
A little guilty?
Perhaps likely to be more trusting in future?

Of course I only advocate checking if there are warning signals flashing, not as just an everyday thing.
I would rather check and be wrong than bury my head in blissful ignorance.

opinions4u

anotheruser wrote: »

How would the OP feel if they "investigated" their partner and found nothing... leading to no cheating?

Relieved.

I would feel awful that I am even thinking those thoughts about the person I supposedly love "till death do us part".

It isn't nice. It's worse when you prove your thoughts are correct.

OP should just ask "how come you are so horny these days" or something similar.

"Because I love you more than ever".

Or

"Because I'm humping Nicola from accounts and she's up for some kinky stuff and I thought I'd try it on you".

Which answer would you expect?

To be fair, it is a good question to ask. But not to hear the answer which will be a lie. Look at the eyes and body language. They'll tell a story.

Yes, be mindful of the other bits people have posted about but don't make yourself an issue of dis-trust when it might not be.

There will be a reason for the behaviour change. It may be a prescription medicine. The organising of a surprise party. Or, more likely an emotional and / or physical attachment to somebody else.

If there was a bet to be placed, it wouldn't be on the anti-inflamatory drug he picked up at the Co-op last week.

Denying the obvious and doing nothing is more harmful in the long run.

marisco_2

The changes of behaviour that you describe in your husband can be indicators of someone having an affair. They can also be completely innocent. I question how stable things have been previously, and how genuinely happy you are in your marriage, that you jump to being suspicious of him and have worst case scenarios niggling at you. The only person who can put your mind at rest here is your husband. Talk to him.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Any developments OP?

JCG

xx