Am I right to be suspicious?

thorsoak

The only way you are going to know - is if you ask him outright! I can understand why you would hesitate - in case he tells you that he is having an affair.

It need not be the end of a marriage - but it would rock the boat of most marriages - but until you ask - I'm assuming you would know if he is lying to you - you will continue to torture yourself.

FBaby

OP, I really feel for you. It is terrible to be stuck between feeling bad about having suspicions about your husband's fidelity, and feeling anxious and worried that you might be right to be.

Over the last few weeks, he has taken to keeping his phone on him all the time, whereas before he would leave it lying around everywhere and even forget to take it out with him sometimes. I don't think it's my imagination, but he also seems to be quite secretive when he is using the phone.

How many weeks has it been going on? Does he actually have his phone with him all the time or just more often? Does he get up to go to another room when he gets a call? Has he change the way he mentions such calls (ie. mentioning who it is when he never would have before, or not doing so when he used to?). Does he ever check who is ringing and then disconnect the call when you are in the room? Have you ever caught him texting somewhere where he seems to be hiding from you? How often does he uses the phone? Much more than before?

In the end, different women would deal with the situation differently. Some would just ignore the all matter, telling themselves they are imagining it all, others would confront him directly, other would turn investigators.

I personally would fall under the investigator lot. I wouldn't ignore it as would always prefer to know the truth. I wouldn't confront him either because I would be confident I would know if he was telling the truth anyway (after all, it is likely he would lie if questioned and up to no good). I also wouldn't want him to be concerned that I am doubting his fidelity if it turns out to be nothing and it becomes a lesson to learn about any trust issues.

paulineb_2

19lottie82 wrote: »

Call me a cynic, but if he IS seeing someone else, I'm 98% sure that won't work.

I would hope that if she has the conversation, he might come clean.
I think its preferrable to checking his phone, that will just cause more tension although I do understand why people are driven to do it.

And even if she raises the topic, it might just make him think that hes been rumbled, that is if he is seeing someone else.

Id say something first.

Errata

Get up at stupid o'clock and check his phone.

hazyjo

Mojisola wrote: »

Nobody "steals" a partner - they make the choice to go with someone else.

Agreed. Although I 'stole' a quote (heard it many times). Didn't think to change it

Jx

hazyjo

All these saying 'ask him outright'... have you ever done that and got an honest answer?!

My ex left saying 'I just don't love you any more' - despite me strongly suspecting and asking if he was seeing someone (even named who I knew it was). He still denied it. Eventually he told my mum! (I was 30. He was 37.)

When I suspected someone else of cheating on me, I read his texts. Was there in b&w and he was straight out the door.

Can't imagine anyone admitting it when asked! Maybe if they're actually looking to leave, but not if they're having a fling/texting someone things they shouldn't.

Jx

Mojisola

hazyjo wrote: »

All these saying 'ask him outright'... have you ever done that and got an honest answer?!

I wouldn't necessarily expect an honest answer but I hope I would know him well enough to know whether he was lying or not.

paddyrg

fairy_lights wrote: »

If he was playing away though, why would he suddenly be interested in perking up your sex life?

Guilt, basically. Overcompensation.

The good sign for the OP is that the husband doesn't want out of the relationship or he'd not be making any guilt efforts - of course the truth needs to out and wounds be tended, but deep inside he doesn't want to end it all I suspect.

Cotta

If the OP really thinks he is cheating why is she putting up with the extra activity in the bedroom?

duchy

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily expect an honest answer but I hope I would know him well enough to know whether he was lying or not.

The words were a lie-the look of shock and guilt on his face told a different story. He went from thinking he was so smart to completely screwed when he realized he'd killed our marriage in 5 seconds flat. I honestly think he thought I'd never find out. It wasn't serious but she clung like a limpet after I dumped him. I *almost* felt sorry for him !