Am I right to be suspicious?

The_Hurricane

hazyjo wrote: »

If that's how he usually performs - bet your bottom dollar she's now putting up with it too (if still together)!



Jx

Just going back to my original question what is a bad performance?

tea_lover

The_Hurricane wrote: »

Just going back to my original question what is a bad performance?

Selfish, lack of interest in the other person, etc.

System

The_Hurricane wrote: »

Why is the man always blamed in the bedroom department??

Because I was barely 16 and had no sexual experience. He was 21 and was sexually experienced.

The_Hurricane

Judi wrote: »

Because I was barely 16 and had no sexual experience. He was 21 and was sexually experienced.

Different from being bad in bed though.

aileth

The_Hurricane wrote: »

Different from being bad in bed though.

Really struggling to understand why this matters!!!

The_Hurricane

aileth wrote: »

Really struggling to understand why this matters!!!

Posters were starting to attribute this as being a male problem along with all the cheating being done by men too.

paulineb_2

Just ask him. Dont check his phone, dont snoop on his emails, dont drive yourself round the bend trying to look for signs.

Ask him, are you seeing someone else.

19lottie82

paulineb wrote: »

Just ask him. Dont check his phone, dont snoop on his emails, dont drive yourself round the bend trying to look for signs.

Ask him, are you seeing someone else.

Call me a cynic, but if he IS seeing someone else, I'm 98% sure that won't work.

sacha28

I'm sorry to say that it doesn't sound good

I remember, when I was with my ex, and my OH and I had started to become very good friends. Despite the fact there was nothing physical going on I was very aware that I was incredibly attracted to him and when we swapped numbers I guarded my phone with my life. I even slept with it under my pillow. The stupid thing is, there was nothing in the text's that would be seen as inappropriate but it was the fact that it was another male texting and I knew how I felt about him that made me so secretive. I have male friends that text me now but my OH is free to look at my phone whenever he wants, I guess this is because I have no connotations towards them.

Funnily enough tho the bedroom department didn't pick up, but my ex repulsed me for years before I found the courage to leave (he was abusive and manipulative).

I can see you have 2 options 1) ask him why he has suddenly become very secretive, ask if there are problems that you need to work on that you hadn't noticed.
2) Get hold of his phone and see for yourself. I would say this is last ditch as it really is a massive invasion of privacy and can backfire totally.

Good luck xx

bagpussbear

Those 2 changes re. phone and bedroom department can indeed be signs that a partner is straying away. So you are right to be suspicious.

However, both those things could be innocent too.

Are you near any birthday or anniversary coming up, something he could be planning a nice surprise for?

In your shoes, without any other evidence, I would test the waters by saying, perhaps in a lighthearted way, why do you keep hiding your phone away from me? people having affairs do that, ha ha - and look very closely at this face when he replies. His reaction might tell you the truth very quickly.

Does he talk about anyone at work? or suddenly not mention someone that normally you would hear a quite a bit about?

If not, then I think you might have to dig deeper.

My ex had a fling with a work colleague and her name suddenly kept coming up over a period of a few weeks in conversation, even in an innocent context, but I knew things had suddenly changed, just felt it - and my suspicions were right unfortunately.


But I hope his reaction is a positive one, and you get to the bottom on it, nothing is going on and you are wrong in your suspicions.

Good luck.