Am I right to be suspicious?

Dilemma001

Hello All,

Using a new username for obvious reasons...

I'm hoping I'm wrong but could do with a second opinion.

Hubby and I have been married for 8 years, have 2 great kids and (I believe) a content family life. Things have been quite stagnant in the bedroom department for the last few years though, mainly because OH works a lot (always has) and is often very tired (I also work full time). I've asked him if he still finds me attractive and he says yes (I have kept myself in good shape and am smaller now (size 8) than before I was pregnant (size 10).

Over the last few weeks, he has taken to keeping his phone on him all the time, whereas before he would leave it lying around everywhere and even forget to take it out with him sometimes. I don't think it's my imagination, but he also seems to be quite secretive when he is using the phone.

In addition, things seem to have changed for the better in the bedroom department too. He's recently become much more interested in bed and has also become somewhat more 'adventurous' (he has always been quite attentive, if a bit predicable). This new-found energy and desire is good from my point of view, but it's also got me a bit worried as it's out of character for him.

So what do others think? I am right to be suspicious in suspecting he may be playing away or am I just being paranoid? Any advice is welcome as I'm driving myself mad thinking it over and over! Cheers!

paulineb_2

The only person who knows is him. I'm sure you'll get responses from yes he's having an affair to no he's not. It might be a cliche that people having an affair feel guilty and are over attentive to their partner, but that might not be the reason. Rather than torturing yourself, speak to him.

aileth

Talk to him, express your worries. Of course he could be having an affair, or he could be thinking the same as you do about your sex life and using his phone secretly to google how to spice things up between you two but is too embarrassed for you to see!

Georgiegirl256

Yes I think you are right to be suspicious. Those two things would ring alarm bells for me too. Being overly cautious with his phone when he wasn't before, and a new found interest in the bedroom department, yeah bells would be ringing for me too.

I think you are either going to have to ask him outright, and unless he's a brilliant actor, then you'll probably be able to tell from his response, or turn a bit Miss Marple and do some detective work.

System

Has he suddenly found an interest in nice clothes? Does he go to work stinking of aftershave whereas before he couldn't be bothered.

Do the 'nice' clothes go in his out of town bag?

hazyjo

Does he have a lock/code on his phone?

Look at it (sorry, some will disagree, but if he is, you'll know - and if he's not, maybe it'll put your mind at rest). Don't just read the texts, but check the call log. He may be deleting texts, but I doubt he'll be deleting all the logs too.

Also, see if he's keeping it on silent when he's with you. Find a joke or something to forward on when you're near him and see if it bleeps.

If you're going out one night, make sure your own phone battery is dead and, last second, say you're gonna borrow his phone for emergencies. Don't give him time to delete anything (presuming you have a landline and you could ring him on that if necessary).

Of course, it might be innocent - but I'm putting money on 'not'. Been there, done that.

Could he be looking at !!!!!! on his phone and not texting some girl?

Not saying it's an affair (yet), but it does sound like he's at least flirting/chatting with someone. Trust me, I know every bloody sign.

Jx

fairy_lights

If he was playing away though, why would he suddenly be interested in perking up your sex life?
I would have thought that if there was someone else on the scene then he would be less, not more interested in the situation in your own bedroom.

quidsy

TBH if my oh started taking his phone with him everywhere I would be suspsicious, same if he suddenly started locking his tablet when I was around.

I have free reign over the phone, pc, tablet etc & vise versa.

You know, you feel it, if I were you I would ask to use his phone (forgot yours, left at work etc) and see his reaction.

If he hesitated or refused outright then it would be a good open to ask why & raise your suspicions. Only do this though if you are prepared for any eventually.

aileth

fairy_lights wrote: »

If he was playing away though, why would he suddenly be interested in perking up your sex life?
I would have thought that if there was someone else on the scene then he would be less, not more interested in the situation in your own bedroom.

More sex, higher sex drive, couldn't have sex with other lady when he wants to, so has sex with the OP I suppose.

richardw

Do you have a birthday or anniversary coming up?
Is he planning something special?

peachyprice

fairy_lights wrote: »

If he was playing away though, why would he suddenly be interested in perking up your sex life?
I would have thought that if there was someone else on the scene then he would be less, not more interested in the situation in your own bedroom.

It's a common phenomenon that having an affair make people (men more than women usually) more horny than usual and they will do it with their wife/husband more too.